posted
How do you show what a character recognizes vs. telling with the narrators voice?
For example, in real life when I see a Big Mac, in my mind I recognize as part of its intrinsic identity, two mostly soy patties, cheese that doesn't melt at room temperature, arsenic containing lettuce, and mostly air buns made from flower that is made more appealing through the same product some use to clean their floors.
But in my head, I get that all in a snap, I don't actually "say" the words in my head.
So if I was writing a character and that happens to be an element (albeit small) of the character's recognition of the world, how would you go about inserting that without making the author's voice intruisive?
posted
Why don't you call it a big mac or a cheeseburger? Unless the ingredients are key to the story, why bore us?
In a fantasy I wrote, one of the characters is an inventor and one of his contraptions is a telescope of sorts. Seeing it is an invention, I can't call it a telescope. I had to describe it through actions (how it was used) and just a bit in dialog.
Describing it as a collapsable set of steel barrels with two convex glass lenses that is the length of an armspan extended, but one-fourt the size when collapsed would be a dull and burdensome way of relaying what it is.
posted
I don't know if this helps, but what you are describing reminds me of an old SNL routine (or possibly In Living Color) where the character would say something and then immediately use an adjective or two to say what he really thought:
"Bill Smith. I've always loved that guy. He's a real go-getter. A**hole. Brown-noser. So, you say he's our new manager. That's fantastic! Sucks!"
posted
You see a Big Mac, you really don't think about it unless someone asks you to describe in detail what a Big Mac is. Your Character would do the same thing.
It is kind of like that whole "As you know Jim, if we press this button..."
You will have to find another way to describe your item, either by how your character uses it or by some other way.
As he bit into the Big Mac he tasted the soy from the patties over the waxy cheese. A meal is a meal, he thought in disgust.
Something like that, though that is hardly refined.
posted
The question is, what would make your character notice those things? If it's right for the character to take note, then that shows his personality. For instance, two people come up to a fancy looking personal spaceship. One is an engineer/mechanic. She notices the type of drive, how the angles will effect manueverability in different situations, how it will handle the wormhole jumps. Her friend notices that it has a pretty paint job and wonders if she can gat a date with the owner if her nail polish matched the ship.
What a character notices and how they notice it can give you both description and character development.
So is it a foodie who is observing the Big Mac, or an alien? Each will have different responses and whatever they choose to explain should fit their voice. If you do this, I don't think the descriptions will be boring.
posted
Yeah, the MC is a naturopath so he knows a great deal about nutrition...though really he never uses any of the knowledge in the story...other than in this one scene where he is on a road trip and eats what is convenient despite what he knows is in it. So I can't say this instance in particular helps the story at all, but it was something of a question of technique.
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posted
I would think if the characters are familiar with Big Macs, concept and culture, then there's no need to describe them in the story. If they're not, it might require some explanation not only of Big Macs but of McDonalds and fast food in general. (There's a good deal of wiggle room between these two extremes, though, a lot depending on what kind of characters they are and how the story is being told.)
I would also think that an engineer / mechanic would indeed think a great deal about the type of ship it is and what it can do. More than stated, actally...make and model, wear and tear, so on and so forth. The type of character would be analogous to "car freak" in our culture.
(I haven't eaten a McDonald's hamburger since 1970. I've never eaten a Big Mac.)
posted
I think your little Big Mac diatribe was fairly enlightening about the character's (or your) personality/views on the subject, so it works. You *do* want to include detail like that if it helps paint the personality picture, but you want to do it in a snappy way. Like, pick one or two details and throw them in almost in passing.
Also, depending on your p.o.v., the difference between character voice and narrator can be very small, indeed. Even in 3rd limited, you want each character's voice to bleed into the narration a bit, the better to get into the "feel" of him/her, and differentiate from the other points of view within the story. Keeps everything more engaging and readable, IMO, if you throw the occasional snarky comment into the narration.
And hey, don't *most* cheeses not melt at room temperature? Or is my life experience just saturated in over-processed cheeses?
[This message has been edited by Tryndakai (edited February 24, 2011).]
posted
I think if it fits the character, do it. But personally I'd make up a hamburger joint instead of using McDonalds since they may not appreciate how you describe their big macs.
I'm not sure if they have any legal ground to stand on, but why chance it.
Tryndakai, I think I could probably keep it if like you said it was more in passing. I think I just early on in the story have a tendency to be obtuse. As for the cheese, you got me, I don't know what I was thinking. The proper fact is that McDonald's cheese (unlike real cheese) must start at room temperature in order to properly melt. I learned this from my health inspector (I own a small restaurant), and he would write me up if my cheese was left on a counter because it grows germs, but if he did that at the golden arches their crack team of lawyers would tell him how they are legally protected because their cheese "product" does not grow anything at room temperature and has been proven "safe."
MAP, I have wondered about that. I merely allude to it with the way I describe it. I never actually call it by name. Like how the Superbowl is the "big game".
posted
I think if you're already writing the passage with the character's "voice", then it won't come across as narration?
Consider this sentence in narration:
Bob saw a fat man nearby eating a McBurger. He realized how disgusting the stale bread, gristly meat and artifical cheese seemed.
Versus this in-character:
Some fat slob was sucking down a McBurger, a glob of almost-cheese and gristle stuck between two slabs of edible styrofoam. Bob's stomach turned at the sight of it. ---
Point being, go ahead and leap into a description that represents how the character is reacting, no need to tell the reader that the character is "realizing" or "noticing" something. If you're working in a 3rd person-limited style, you have a lot of leeway to slip in and out of the character's internal editorializing...
[This message has been edited by Hariolor (edited March 08, 2011).]
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