As for My take:

quote:

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The single [silver<--I can't picture a color note] note filled the workshop, sweetly shattering the stone silence of Jarom the [luthier’s<--it seems this title should be capitalized. Unless I mis-perceived it.] life[,] for the first time in eight years. His breath caught [in surprise<--not necessary, it's redundant in light of the next three words.] at the unexpected [Unexpected What?] but hungered for sound and his hands trembled so that he nearly dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to his deafness [brought<--suggest you substitute with: left, it clarifies past tense.] a knot in his gut [and a cold sweat to his brow<--unecessary]. He cradled it to his chest securely but tenderly, warming it like a lover[<--suggest you choose one metaphor-->] or a mother with her newborn babe[. H]is fingers gently trac[ed] the [graceful hardness of its<--too many descriptive words tend to muddle it. You don't need them, you set the feel accurately enough without them.] perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth[,] polished curves of its body[. H] eyes delight[ed] in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard[. T]he sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood

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If you clean-up some of the adjectives, adverbs, and participles, I would be totally emersed. The hook -- returning him to deafness -- is almost lost on the description. However, I like the emersion into PoV. Excellent! After a little cleaning, I would read on.

quote:

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The single silver note filled the workshop, sweetly shattering the stone silence

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"unexpected but hungered for sound" - kinda awkward wording.

He's a lute maker/player but he hasn't played in 8 years?

He cradled it to his chest securely but tenderly, warming it like a lover or a mother with her newborn babe, his fingers gently tracing the graceful hardness of its perfect - Seperate this into two sentences at the comma.

like a lover or a mother with her newborn babe - I'd pick one image or the other instead of both.

body, eyes delighting in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay - Again, two sentences. (hehe, I do that ALL THE TIME...everything is part of the same thought so I hate "ending" it with a period")

FANTASTIC description. You've got the colors, shapes, textures, everything!

The phrasing is very smooth.

The single silver note filled the workshop, sweetly shattering the stone silence. It was the first time in eight years that Jarom the luthier had been allowed to hear it(OR "SINCE HIS CURSE HAD BEEN PRONOUNCED). His breath caught in surprise at the sound he had hungered for for so long, but never expected to hear again. His hands trembled so that he nearly dropped the newly strung kytaara.

quote:

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The single silver note filled the workshop, sweetly shattering the stone silence of Jarom the luthier’s life for the first time in eight years.

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IE: A single note filled the workshop, shattering the unending silence Jarom had known.

Next sentence can describe the note (this would be a very important description if it's the first thing he's heard in 8yrs.

I picked out all the adverbs for you:

quote:

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His breath caught in surprise at the unexpected but hungered for sound and his hands trembled so that he nearly dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to his deafness brought a knot in his gut and a cold sweat to his brow. He cradled it to his chest securely but tenderly, warming it like a lover or a mother with her newborn babe, his fingers gently tracing the graceful hardness of its perfect rock-maple neck and the smoothly polished curves of its body, eyes delighting in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard and the sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood

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All of them can be dropped, I'd say. The action or thought pattern usually says enough, you don't need the adverbs.

Hope this helped.

The single note filled the workshop, shattering the utter silence of Jarom the Luthier’s life for the first time in eight years. His breath caught at beauty of the unexpected yet hungered-for sound and his hands trembled so that he almost dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to his deafness left a leaden knot in his gut. He cradled the instrument to his chest securely but tenderly, warming it like a mother with her newborn babe, his fingers gently tracing the graceful hardness of its perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth, polished curves of its body. His eyes delighted in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard and the sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood brought out by the wavering lamplight.

All were right about the alliteration at the beginning, and I cleaned up some of the adverbs, but not all. I went to one metaphor on the "lover" "mother" part, but I'm not sure there. Each one brings something different about his feeling toward the instrument.

LOLO: The instrument is, at this time, the only thing he can hear. Different sounds will return one at a time, and are important for the progress of the story. This is explained later in the first chapter. I will mail you the chapter. Thanks for volunteering.

Deb: Coffee wouldn't work. It's a drink native to South America, which this isn't. As for the drunk, I'd rather have more positive associations. lol

quote:

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The single note filled the workshop, shattering the utter silence of Jarom the Luthier’s life[,] for the first time in eight years. His breath caught at beauty of the [unexpected<--we knew it was unexpected yet] hungered-for sound[. H]is hands trembled so that he almost dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to his deafness left a leaden knot in his gut. He cradled the instrument to his chest securely but tenderly, [warming<--did you mean that it was cold? Suggestion: cradling] it like a mother with her newborn babe[. His fingers gently trac[ed] the [graceful hardness of its<--needed?] perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth, polished curves of its body. His eyes delighted in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard and the sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood brought out by the wavering lamplight.

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quote:

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He cradled the instrument to his chest securely but tenderly, warming it like a mother with her newborn babe, his fingers gently tracing the graceful hardness of its perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth, polished curves of its body.

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This is the thing is, an adverb is usually a symptom of a weak verb.

Like this:

Eric set the cup forcefully on the table.

Eric slammed the cup on the table.

or to make it more colorful:

Eric slammed the cup on the table with a loud crack.

Then there's times when you have the right verb, but you put an adverb anyway, thinking it's adding, when really all its doing is weakening the prose.

Watch your sentence:

He cradled it to his chest...

The "cradled" conveys the tenderness. The verb is telling us how he held it--it's a good strong verb. The adverbs only taking away from that by adding more for the reader to have to think about and process. And also, The "securely" is implied when you mention he is afraid of dropping it.

The you say:

...his fingers gently tracing...

You've implied the tenderness, and the love he feels for this instrument, you don't want to be repetitive--this is what this adverb, "gently", does. It's only repeating something you've already said, just in a different way. When he's "tracing" I see that he'd do it gently. You don't have to tell me that.

Noah Lukeman explains it really well in his book, "The First Five Pages". Chapter 2 is all about adjectives and adverbs. The whole book is excellent, though. I still go back and skim through it sometimes.

And I think our Bold Babbler found some good points too. I second his post.

I second pixydust on getting rid of those three adverbs. They aren't needed and only slow things down.

Babbler makes some good points about the new version (as always), but I'd say that I, at least, didn't know that the note was unexpected--in this version. We know that he hasn't heard anything in years, but he could have known that this instrument would break the silence. I like the qualifier that it was unexpected.

The single [golden] note filled the workshop, shattering the stone silence of Jarom the Luthier’s life for the first time in eight years. His breath caught at beauty of the unexpected yet hungered-for sound and his hands trembled so that he almost dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to his deafness left a leaden knot in his gut. He cradled the instrument close to his chest, warming it like a mother with her newborn babe. Gentle fingers traced the graceful hardness of its perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth, polished curves of its body. His eyes delighted in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard and the sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood brought out by the wavering lamplight.

After going back and forth, I'm leaning toward my original "stone silence."

Golden is in brackets, because im not sure. another possibility I'm looking at is: "Like a ray of silver moonlight, the single note . . . " or something like that.

Adverbs are gone.

quote:

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The single [golden] note filled the workshop, shattering the stone silence of Jarom the Luthier’s life for the first time in eight years. His breath caught at beauty of the unexpected yet hungered-for sound and his hands trembled so that he almost dropped the newly strung kytaara. The thought of the instrument splintering on the stone floor and returning him to [his<--don't need.] deafness left a leaden knot in his gut. He cradled the instrument close to his chest, [warming it<--Don't need.] like a mother with her [newborn<--only need one-->babe]. Gentle fingers traced the graceful hardness of its perfect rock-maple neck and the smooth, polished curves of its body. His eyes delighted in the intricate abalone vine-and-grapes inlay on the scalloped ebony fretboard[.<--Need a mental breather. Suggest:T]he sensuous contrasts of the deep-grained rosewood [were] brought out by the wavering lamplight.

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I'd be willing to read on.

Likewise, Babe is a baby. When he cradles it like a baby (though it's really an instrument), it doesn't matter whether he cradles it like a newborn or a babe, but newborn babe sounds redundant. To me.

That's what I was saying. And, that is why I called it a NIT.

Anyway, that's My take. <shrug> Take it or leave it.

PS - I'm a Daddy of four. I know what you're talking about.

"smoothly polished" - redundant

Which is why I'm still not sure about dropping one of the similes. There are elements of both in his feeling toward the instrument. It is his "baby," the result of his labor, and there is a protectiveness there. Yet, in his deafness, the pleasure its sound brings is better expressed by the "lover."