Have at it and thanks.
***
Most girls dream about being a princess in a castle. Falcon had been until the crown had been stripped from her head. Some women pine for a knight in shining armor to rescue them. Falcon’s hand rested on the hilt of her sword as her mare, Tessa, halted.

The road snaked through fields until truncated by the Sun Gate, the formal entrance to the city. While Sun was the quickest way, Queen Sabryna's summons hadn't indicated if this was a covert mission.

Falcon wiped her palm on her britches and then nudged Tessa forward. Castle Valya’s initial appearance as a misplaced mountain gave way as they approached. Heaved from the earth and cast in fire by a sorcerer nothing about Valya was what it seemed. Rainbow-hued walls and jagged spires, which seemed . . .

***

Falcon didn't have to dream about being a princess in a castle, until the crown had been stripped from her head. But she didn't pine for a knight in shining armor to rescue her. Falcon’s fate rested on the hilt of her sword and her mare, Tessa.

It seems like there should be some transition to the second paragraph. You could move the first sentence of the third paragraph to the second paragraph:

Falcon wiped her palm on her britches and then nudged Tessa forward. The road snaked through fields until truncated by the Sun Gate, the formal entrance to the city. While Sun was the quickest way, Queen Sabryna's summons hadn't indicated if this was a covert mission.

Castle Valya’s initial appearance....

As for your first thirteen, I would definitely read more. The hook for me was that she didn't know whether she was on a covert mission or not.

The first paragraph read a little oddly to me. Maybe "Falcon had been one until..."

I get the transition from "Some women pine..." to "Falcon's and rested..." but it felt awkward to me, maybe because we're moving from a generality to physical gesture in a specific moment. I had to read it twice before I got that the ideas were connected. At first, the line, "Falcon's hand..." felt abrupt and disjointed to me. However, I do like that you put us right into the action.

I do agree that the description could be integrated a little more. But I don't think it would stop me from reading the story, unless it went on and on.

Honestly, since you already have an agent ready to read and comment, I'm not sure how much more I can, or should, add... I'm thinking of Heinlein's rules of writing here.

quote:

---

Most girls dream about being a princess in a castle. Falcon had been [had been what? Dreaming? Or a princess?] until the crown had been [why still past perfect? The first "had been" indicates that it took place before some other event in the past, so the second event should simply be past tense] stripped from her head. Some women pine for a knight in shining armor to rescue them. [This sentence seems a bit disconnected from what went before, and VERY disconnected from what comes after. It sounds like it will be followed by: "Other women . . ." Instead, you drop the "telling" mode and jump into a line of here-and-now action. At the least, this next sentence needs to be in a new paragraph.] Falcon’s hand rested on the hilt of her sword as her mare, Tessa, halted.

The road snaked through fields until truncated by the Sun Gate, the formal entrance to the city. While Sun was the quickest way, Queen Sabryna's summons hadn't indicated if this was a covert mission.

Falcon wiped her palm on her britches and then nudged Tessa forward. Castle Valya’s initial appearance as a misplaced mountain gave way [to what?] as they approached. Heaved [a nice word, but doesn't quite work for me here. I'm not totally sure why. It could be that it sounds like an intransitive usage, until we get to "by the sorcerer" and I have to adjust my perception. Or maybe it just feels like it needs an "up" attached.] from the earth and cast in fire by a sorcerer[comma] nothing about Valya was what it seemed. Rainbow-hued walls and jagged spires, which seemed . . .

---

Hope you don't mind the nitty-gritty approach here (which I almost never do). But I figure if you're about to send it out, you want it in as good a shape as possible, so I was picky. Take what's useful.

All in all, I'm not sure whether I would turn the page or not. I think I would be more interested if you stuck a bit longer with the "former princess turned spy" approach, or if you moved that later and concentrated on the castle and what she's doing there. Though either one could be enough of an interest point to get me to go on, as it is you try to fit them both in and thus don't have quite enough of either to grab me.

Pardon me for coming into this late--obviously you've done a lot on this and had a lot of critiques already, so if no one else has said any of the things I'm saying, then I'm probably off base (although I feel pretty sure that most of my nitty-gritty comments are worth paying attention to). But in any case, as I said before, take what's useful and ignore the rest.