Dear Agent:

I've recently completed a 90,000 word novel of supernatural suspense, entitled Revealing Dragula. When a melancholy Dragula asks an eager young psychiatrist for help, they both get more than they had bargained for. Especially the doctor, young Sigmund Freud, newly arrived to study with the great Jean Martin Charcot, at the Hospital Salpetriere in Paris.

Freud does not believe Dragula's story, but he agrees to undertake the madman's analysis in the hopes that the new “talking cure” can dispel Vlad's grief and undo his obvious delusions. Under the influence of mesmerism, Dragula reveals to Freud that as a mortal he was a member of the powerful and clandestine Order of the Dragon, inducted in a ceremony that gave him strange new powers and opened his eyes to forces beyond the imaginings of mere mortals.

Vlad had learned the secret of the Order of the Dragon – real dragons walk the earth still, and it is they who truly rule the world, using mortal kings as pawns. Vlad stood at a turning point in human history; crucial choices he made could allow the Turks to virtually eliminate Christianity in Europe, or allow the Order to draw European society into a new dark age. Vlad did not find either alternative acceptable.

Looking for a way to elude both futures, Vlad traveled from the emperor's debauched and glittering court in Nuremburg to Adrianople, where he was held hostage by the grand sultan of the Ottomans. There he learns of the powerful Jinn, and begins to see the possibility of a third choice – if he was willing to sacrifice everything that made him human.

Freud, at first concerned solely about how to help his new patient shed his odd delusions, soon comes to realize that Vlad Dragula stands at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, still fighting to insure that the world remains in mortal hands. And in order to accomplish that, Vlad's going to need Freud's help.

I hope you enjoy the enclosed sample chapter of Revealing Dragula. The full manuscript is available at your request.

I'm looking forward to reading it--not to crit, but bought, from a bookstore! (I'd offer to read but you're wanting readers familiar with the genre which I ain't--and it's perhaps interesting that this query appeals to such a reader.)

A couple of small things:

I think it should be "There he learned of the powerful Jinn"--still past tense, right?

Also, perhaps consider saying something like "still fighting to insure that the world avoids a new dark age" (or pick up some other words from the original dilemma) to make it more clear that Vlad is still engaged in the same fight.

It's a good title and I think the references to a young Freud will play well to a taste I feel is strong in today's market for fiction that incorporates real historical events and personalities, accurately portrayed.

...beyond the imaginings of mere mortals.
"Mere mortals" has become cliche, it seems. Maybe delete "mere."

And in order to accomplish that, Vlad's going to need Freud's help.
The contraction in this wrap-up sentence seems to diminish the bite of the sentence. Consider changing it to ...Vlad is going to need Freud's help.

I've recently completed a 90,000 word novel of supernatural suspense, entitled Revealing Dragula. When a melancholy Vlad Dragula asks an eager young psychiatrist for help, they both get more than they had bargained for. Especially the doctor, young Sigmund Freud, newly arrived to study with the great Jean Martin Charcot, at the Hospital Salpetriere in Paris.

Freud does not believe Dragula's story, but he agrees to undertake the madman's analysis in the hopes that the new “talking cure” can dispel Vlad's grief and undo his obvious delusions. Under the influence of mesmerism, Dragula reveals to Freud that as a mortal he was a member of the powerful and clandestine Order of the Dragon, inducted in a ceremony that gave him strange new powers and opened his eyes to forces beyond the imaginings of most men.

Vlad had learned the secret of the Order of the Dragon – real dragons walk the earth still, and it is they who truly rule the world, using mortal kings as pawns. Vlad stood at a crucial point in human history; crucial choices he made could bring on the absolute rule of the Ottoman Empire, virtually eliminate Christianity in Europe, or help the Order fend off the invaders and draw European society into an autocracy that throws Europe back into a new dark age. Vlad did not find either alternative acceptable.

Looking for a way to elude both futures, Vlad traveled from the emperor's debauched and glittering court in Nuremburg to Adrianople, where he was held hostage by the grand sultan of the Ottomans. There he learned of the powerful Jinn, and began to see the possibility of a third choice – if he was willing to give up everything that made him human.

Freud, at first concerned solely about how to help his new patient shed his odd delusions, soon comes to realize that Vlad Dragula stands at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, still fighting to insure that the world remains in mortal hands, no matter what the price. And in order to accomplish that, he is going to need Freud's help.

I hope you enjoy the enclosed sample chapter of Revealing Dragula. The full manuscript is available at your request.

Other comments:

quote:

---

Vlad stood at a crucial point in human history; crucial choices he made could bring. . . .

---

Also, once you put the return address and the agent's address at the top of the letter, this won't fit on a page any more.