First of all I like the hushed tone that is set by this beginning. And the image in the final sentence is grisly. There are though, some minor problems and some questions are raised that trouble me.

When writing your first 13 lines it is a serious problem to make the reader notice your writing.
Your very first sentence refers to '"that" first yelp of pain' when the reader hasn't heard of it yet. It might work if you were speaking in a broad expository way such as "that first cigarette of the day".
'Yelp of pain' didn't do it for me either.

A possible fix:
(My words in parentheses)

Hours after (the) first (pain of childbirth), Bronwyn Wynestelle, Queen of Aradin, was as pale as her silver crown.
“Save the child first.” The Queen whispered. She knew that (the birth of) this child would be a war avoided.
“The child is all but gone, my Queen.” (--careful, 'all but' is a tad cliche)
“The Child (why capitalized?).” Bronwyn yelled her eyes flashing white.(Rolled back or flashed white light?) The midwives all stood back as the queen's word(s) echoed through the halls of the antechamber. Time moved (as)through thick mud.
White lights flooded the room from their wicks in the Queen's eyes.(?Are her eyes candles?) Her body rose dramatically till her silver crown fell noisily to the ground. The room exploded with the smell of blood. A deep gash slashed across her torso revealed a small(do you need to say small?) baby, pale with dark hair and covered in his (is the gender apparent already?) mothers entrails.

You could probably even lose a few adverbs. Like taking out the second silver, you have after all established that the crown was silver. I am not trying to rewrite this for you but it could be tightened even further. The idea of the first thirteen is to get your story past a first reader to the editor.

But as always is the best advice in the novel fragment section, finish writing the rest of the story before you worry too much about the little details of your first thirteen.

"Time moved through thick mud." I have no clue at all what this means or is supposed to mean.

"Her body rose dramatically..." How? Did she stand? Was she hoisted up by some device? Or did her body arch up? Also, don't just tell us she rose dramatically, show us why it was dramatic.

"A deep gash slashed across her torso..." From what? Who or what did this? Caesarean birth?

"...from their wicks in the Queen's eyes..." As written this tells us the wicks were actually IN the eyes of the Queen.

I have trouble following this opening as it raises many questions and in general the opening is not as coherent as it should be. However, the last line is a pretty powerful image.

[This message has been edited by nitewriter (edited January 24, 2008).]

I origionally had about three pages before this, but i thought this was a stronger opening, so there are a lot of things I had previously explained that need to be clearer now.
For example, when characters in my story use magic their eyes light up.

Also, it seemed kind of silly to me that she would wear a crown while giving birth.

I just have a few more thoughts to what the others have already posted:

Hours after that first yelp of pain Bronwyn Wynestelle, Queen of Aradin, was as pale as her silver crown. Actually, this line didn't bother me, though I think "the" would work better, and I'm not sure about "yelp"--I think of a puppy yelping when you step on its tail, not when you're about to give a difficult birth.
“Save the child first.” comma, lower case The Queen whispered. She knew that this child would be a war avoided.
“The child is all but gone, my Queen.”
“The Child Why is this capitalized here? Why not when the queen makes her first reference?.” comma, lower case Bronwyn yelled comma her eyes flashing white This is cliche. The midwives all stood back as the queen's word "words" echoed through the halls of the antechamber. Time moved through thick mud.
White lights flooded the room from their wicks in the Queen's eyes Huh? I don't get this sentence. Her body rose dramatically too abstract--I'm picturing something like the scene from The Exorcist till her silver crown fell noisily to the ground. The room exploded with the smell of blood A bit mellow dramatic. A deep gash slashed across her torso revealed a small baby Unclear--does the gash just happen? Does someone cut her? I'm assuming the latter, without better evidence, but it feels clumsy to me., pale with dark hair and covered in his mothers entrails.

So, I might continue reading for a few more pages to see what the rest of the story is like. However, if the rest of the story is written in a similar manner,my issues with the writing would make me stop. Hope this helps.

Egadia closed her green eyes as she heard the sound of keys clinking outside her pitch black cell. Not again, she thought, as a shadow paused in the sliver of light underneath the door and opened to reveal a tall man dressed in the white robes of the Head Druid of the Hall.
“Light the candle.” the Head commanded as he had every morning for the last four weeks, before escorting another hungry Druid to take away her innocence.
Egadia focused on the thin white candle held between the Head's spindly fingers. A dim light reflected behind her eyes as she struggled to create a spark. The magic wouldn't come.
“It is done. The True Heir of Isuara is pregnant.”

But it leaves me a bit confused. Is Egadia the Heir? If so, make it clearer. And what's it got to do with magic coming from her eyes? These are nits, since this is the begining of a novel. But I'd still expect them to be cleared up in short order.

Also, since it's her POV, drop the "green." She wouldn't think of them as such, just eyes.

Egadia closed her green eyes POV glitch--also, I hate to say it, cliche.as she heard the sound of keys clinking outside her pitch black cell. Not again, she thought, as a shadow paused in the sliver of light underneath the door Okay, so she must have opened her eyes at some point. And clearly the cell isn't pitch black if she can see the light coming from underneath. and opened to reveal a tall man dressed in the white robes of the Head Druid of the Hall.
“Light the candle.” the Head commanded as he had every morning for the last four weeks, before escorting another hungry Druid to take away her innocence If this were the case, that they are essentially raping her every morning, "not again" seems like a really weak sentiment. And yes, her innocence would be gone by the first time, I'd think..
Egadia focused on the thin white candle held between the Head's spindly fingers. A dim light reflected behind her eyes Not sure what to make of this phrase. How is the dim light reflecting behind her eyes? In her mind's eye? In her retina? as she struggled to create a spark Why is she bothering with this now? And isn't the candle already lit? Or is she doing this in response to his command? WI guess I assumed he was giving the command to someone else. Maybe slow down here.. The magic wouldn't come. I don't know what to make of this statement. Was she able to light it every other time? Or did she fail every other time? Why would she even bother to comply?
“It is done. The True Heir of Isuara is pregnant.” I, too, am left confused as to whom this is referring to. Is she the Heir? Why are the Druids coming to tell her that? It seems odd that they would announce it to her that way.

In some ways the other scene was much clearer. There was a clear struggle--mother giving birth--and what was at stake was much easier to understand. Here, there are almost too many questions. It feels as if you are withholding information to create suspense.

The dialogue doesn't feel causally connected. It feels like you are rushing the scene. Is the fact that she can't light the candle a sign that she's pregnant? I didn't even understand that he was ordering her to light the candle. And why would she comply without a moment's thought? She seems indifferent to her captors, except for the watered down sentiment "not again". I'm searching for more life in her, more characterization, a sense of her history and why she's here now, and what the conflict is. As it stands, despite her being captive, it doesn't feel like she's upset at being imprisoned and raped. If she's feeling numbed by her captivity, I want to know that, too. As it stands, I don't know what to make of the scene. I don't really know what's at stake here.

quote:

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But it leaves me a bit confused... These are nits, since this is the begining of a novel. But I'd still expect them to be cleared up in short order.

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quote:

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Here, there are almost too many questions. It feels as if you are withholding information to create suspense... As it stands, I don't know what to make of the scene. I don't really know what's at stake here.

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Everyone here is giving you their take, from what you reveal in those first 13 lines. We don't expect everything in them, just a few rules established.

My take:

quote:

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Hours after that first yelp of pain[,] Bronwyn Wynestelle, Queen of Aradin, was as pale as her silver crown.<--[Nice!]
“Save the child first.” The Queen whispered. She knew that this child would [be a war avoided<--Suggest: help avoid a war].
“The child is all but gone, my Queen.”
“The [Child<--either capitalize always or not at all for consistency].” Bronwyn yelled[,] her eyes flashing white. The midwives all stood back as the queen's word echoed through the halls of the antechamber. Time moved [as if] through thick mud.
White lights [There are a lot of "white lights. It robs their effect. Maybe "The queen's eyes blazed" or something.] flooded the room from [their wicks<--[If she doesn't literally have wicks in her eyes, quash this--it becomes not only confusing, but clutter.] in the Queen's eyes. Her body rose [Form where/what?]dramatically<--[Define "dramatically"] [till<--[This word is what a farmer does to the earth, not a slang for "until" ('til), which should not be in narrative except for first-person.] her silver crown fell [noisily<--[Unnecessary adverb.] to the ground. The room exploded with the smell of blood.<--[Eh? This strikes, without any connection, out of the blue. Stopped me in my proverbial tracks.] A deep gash slashed across her torso revealed a small baby[Eh? How'd the deep slash cross her torso?], pale with dark hair and covered in his mothers['] entrails.<--How does anyone know whose entrails they are?]

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It has possibilities. I would make some vastly different style choices. I would also advise against too many metaphors in the beginning. Speculative fiction readers tend to take words literally when forming a mental picture.

Questions that should be answered by the first 13 lines (not someone explaining) to make a reader move on:

1) Where are they? (Antechamber to what?)

2) Who is having a baby? If it's the queen, I would think she wouldn't refer to the baby as "the child" but "my child; the babe;" or by name (or sex if that's all she knows). I would also think it would be more to her than just the means of diffusing growing political tensions--no matter what it started off to be.

3) Is the child deformed? a monster? Human?

4) Did the child make the slash? I can't imagine a human newborn doing something like that...

I think we (the readers) are getting entirely different impression from what you wrote. Remember: we can't see what you imagine; only what you write. Our job is not to write so that people understand it; it's to write so that no one can misunderstand it. (Granted the goal may be completely impossible, but the more you shoot for it, the better understood your prose will be.)

I hope this helps.