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Author Topic: Alex Daily: Sometimes Superhero
akeenedesign
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The first 13 from my YA novel about a boy who wakes up with a different super power every day.

-----

Alex Daily was afraid of heights. He was even more afraid of breaking the rules. He was most afraid of being called a 'friady cat by a girl.

He tried hard to look calm as he faced all three fears at the same time. Melanie Spark, the tomboy from down the street, had convinced him to take the ladder out of the forbidden tool shed. He figured if he did all the rule-breaking, and she did all the climbing, there'd at least be an even split of danger. But the raised metal on the rungs of the ladder hurt Melanie’s bare feet when she tried to climb, and she wouldn't run all the way home just to put shoes on.

So Alex was at the top of a ten foot ladder, breaking the only rule Walter had ever set in the two years since he’d moved in with Alex and his mom.

----

Thanks in advance!

[This message has been edited by akeenedesign (edited January 25, 2011).]


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J. N. Khoury
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I think your premise is pretty neat. Never heard of any like it, for sure!

Um, in the third sentence, do you mean "'fraidy cat"? How old is the MC? Because I associate the term 'fraidy cat with people only under the age of 8. Maybe "coward"?


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akeenedesign
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They're 10 years old.
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redux
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I like what you wrote - interesting PoV, a scene that draws the reader in - definitely a good start.

On a side note, if your protagonist is 10 years old I think your story might be considered Middle Grade instead, depending on the themes you explore, etc.


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akeenedesign
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Yes! My bad. It is middle grade, not YA. 9-12 was the age range I was thinking. Thanks for the feedback!
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Grayson Morris
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I think it's well done. 'friary cat' did throw me, but I assumed you meant 'fraidy cat'.
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EVOC
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I love the idea of this story before I read the hook. I don't think I have heard anything like it either.

I think it is a great hook. It seems to give me a lot of info about your MC. And of course if I was reading this in a book I would have to read on because I would want to know what was worth facing three fears at once on the top of a 10 ft ladder.

I like it.


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akeenedesign
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"I love the idea of this story before I read the hook. I don't think I have heard anything like it either."

Thank you! It's why I'm so terrified of my own story, actually. I feel like someone who was chosen for a leading role on Broadway despite being tone deaf and having two left feet. I could really mess up a good thing with my inexperience.

Whatever, I'm having more fun than I've ever had in my life writing this novel


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Smiley
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quote:
Whatever, I'm having more fun than I've ever had in my life writing this novel

LOL Addicting, isn't it?


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HalcyonDays
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it's an interesting idea for a superpowers story, I like it.

the point of view is also intriguing, it's almost told as if the kid himself is recounting the memory for someone else or in a journal perhaps.

very engaging.


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melindabrasher
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Love it.

The premise is good. Very "high concept." Which is what's selling nowdays.

I love the tone and the voice and how you get so much of his character into it (afraid of breaking the rules, etc). Nice little action too.

It'll be interesting to see how a rather timid boy does with all these superpowers.


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akeenedesign
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Thanks everyone! Your feedback has been helpful and encouraging!
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sfedders
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I've met no eight year old who says fraidy cat anymore. This term I feel is dated. Otherwise, pretty good.
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Grayhog
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QUOTE
---------------
"The first 13 from my YA novel about a boy who wakes up with a different super power every day.
-----

Alex Daily was afraid of heights. He was even more afraid of breaking the rules. He was most afraid of being called a 'friady cat by a girl.

He tried hard to look calm as he faced all three fears at the same time. Melanie Spark, the tomboy from down the street, had convinced him to take the ladder out of the forbidden tool shed. He figured if he did all the rule-breaking, and she did all the climbing, there'd at least be an even split of danger. But the raised metal on the rungs of the ladder hurt Melanie’s bare feet when she tried to climb, and she wouldn't run all the way home just to put shoes on.

So Alex was at the top of a ten foot ladder, breaking the only rule Walter had ever set in the two years since he’d moved in with Alex and his mom."

--------------------------

I like Alex and how your opening line progresses, from afraid to more afraid, to most afraid. It flows and works even in the passive. I think 'fraidy cat' is too young. I would read more.

[This message has been edited by Grayhog (edited March 14, 2011).]


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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Grayhog, please if you want to set things you are quoting from someone else or from some other post apart with the lines, you just need to put [quote] at the beginning of the quoted material and [/quote] at the end of the quoted material.

Then people will know which words are yours and which words you are quoting.


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Grayhog
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KDW,

Sorry again. You are fast! I wrote both critiques in short succession before I read your note. I will separate what is quoted.

New Member


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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Thank you, Grayhog. That wasn't exactly what I suggested, but it will do.
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