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Author Topic: SEVEN STARS Query
Member # 8368

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While I was in query mode, I took a first stab at the query for SEVEN STARS. Thoughts?

At seventeen, Casora has already spent nearly all of her life either training as a warrior or fighting in someone else's battles. That's the fate of anyone born with the mark of the berserker curse. She's supposed to be gaining the experience she'll need as a defender of her homeland, Astraea.

But then Astraea is overrun by a fierce enemy and the young man she loves is killed in the retreat. In her grief and anger at the news, Casora triggers the curse and goes berserk. Now she's cut off from her family by more than just the enemy. Berserkers are exiles from peaceful Astraea. She finds herself the leader of a band of teenage warriors with no options but to turn mercenary and a hunger to avenge themselves on the marauders that destroyed the homes they can never return to. Unless Casora can figure out how to undo the curse.

Eighteen-year-old Prince Tiaran is the youngest and least of the princes. He'll never be the warrior his two older half-brothers are, and they take every opportunity to remind him of it. When the raiders turn from Astraea to attack his country, Tiaran knows he has to take part in her defense, but no one will take him seriously. His brothers exploit his desperation and gullibility to send him off on what they think is a wild goose chase.

Now, Tiaran is on the wrong side of the walls when the capital city is besieged. Rescued from certain death by Casora, the two of them must find a way to defeat their common enemy. More than that, they may each be just what the other needs in more ways than one.

SEVEN STARS is a 77,000-word young adult fantasy. I have enclosed the first five pages and a synopsis per the instructions on your website.

Thank you for your time.

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Member # 2714

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Problems with this.

Berserker-cursed people are supposed to defend Astraea, but if they become berserkers, they have to leave Astraea? Then how can they defend it?

And if Astraea has been overrun, how can you call it "peaceful" any more?

And what land is Prince Tiaran a prince of? Apparently not the raiding country. And what keeps him from being a warrior like his half-brothers? His age? His size? His lack of magical powers?

And he runs into Casora because she's followed the raiders to Tiaran's country?

Sorry, lots of questions.

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Member # 8368

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Like I said, this is a first pass at this query.

These questions are very helpful. I'm not going to try to answer all of them (that's called the synopsis), but it's good to know what questions this raises.

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Member # 8809

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What's all at stake for both MCs?
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