posted
This is precisely 13 lines, Word for Windows, 12 point New Courier, double spaced lines, with two "spaces" after each period. Note that the middle break simply signifies a new paragraph, not an actual empty line. ---------------------------------------- Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense.
Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much time craning over garden fances, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy [line breaks here] ---------------------------------------------
Now, the rules governing children's books are actually more dependent on quick and early action than the rules governing "adult" literature. Um, no puns intended here.
This opening 13 line passage, by the standards we seem to want to apply to everything else in Hatrack, is an utter, absolutely atrocious failure:
Where is the main character? Where is the action? Where is the plot hook? Where is the POV? There is nothing here to catch the unnamed editor's eye.
If the 13 Line Rule actually exists, apparently it was not heeded by the editors who bought the book, which has made the author rich beyond her dreams.
posted
The hook is there alright, you just have to look closely. The hook lies in just one clever little sentance.
quote:They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense
Everything else is just description. It isn't much, but it sets the tone for the whole story. You know after reading the title that the content has to do with something strange and mysterious.
This opening describes very well what Harry has in store for him, since this will be his home until he is old enough to leave. She sets the stage for the upcoming tension in the story right here.
I think she has shown how successful a single line can be, I applaud her efforts, very clever hook indeed. I hope I can be that clever in my writing.
posted
Definite hook. I think, for me, the "thank you very much" did it. Not sure exactly why, maybe just that spice of attitude. In fact, the first time I read these thirteen lines, I had to force myself to put the book down and not read any further, because at that point I was completely swamped in college and reading other things, and I knew I did not have the time to get hooked on a book that would suck me in this deeply. Needless to say, when I graduated several months later, I flew through this series in a whirlwind.
Posts: 292 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
First of all, I've never heard of a 13 line rule. The reason we post the first 13 lines has to do with not giving up electronic publishing rights or, in this forum, not being guilty of copyright infringement.
That said, in SHORT STORIES, there should probably be something in the first 13 lines or so to keep the reader reading. In a novel, whether childrens' or adults, you get a the first few pages to hook someone. I believe this was mentioned in Clockwork Orange, and I feel the need to mention it here.
This is going to be a difficult one for me to comment on since I've read the book about a dozen times (I have it on tape and listen to it while I do the dishes or go on a long trip. ) If I recall the first time I read it, though, I found the opening to be a HOOK. The first sentence just grabbed me straight away. After that it dipped into some exposition, but that is quite normal for children's books, and even the exposition was light and fun. If I recall she soons goes into describing a cat reading a map, and as I love cats that kept speeding me along too.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited February 09, 2004).]
posted
Oh, I agree that it is definitely a HOOK, but what amuses me is that if this was an as-yet-unpublished passage and it was posted in another section of this forum it would have been savaged by erswhile editors, and then rewritten by the fearful submitter, until all its charm were destroyed.
Posts: 249 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
I agree with the above post, which is why I think the Fragments & Feedback section should be more of an invitation for folks to offer to look at more of a person's work, not necessarily pick apart 13 posted lines.
I, personally, could never give someone concrete writing advice on just 13 lines - BUT with those same 13 lines I could definitely get a "feel" for that person's writing style and know if I could be of any help in, say, reading a whole chapter, or entire short story.
posted
This is a pretty good hook. I agree it comes from the "thank you very much" attitude in the narrator's voice. I haven't read any of these books, but a lively and exciting narration can take a story far.
Has anyone read any Vonnegut? He's another one who can make a great hook out of any event, simply by invoking the special power of his narrator. I'd love to know how to do that.
posted
I have read all of the HP books to date, and find them enjoyable, but it did take me a bit to get into the story in the example in this thread. I found it to be distracting and that it did not lead me very well into the rest of it. I had to force myself past the beginning, and I did so because of the content I expected, not because of the beginning. If I had simply picked up the book and read the first 2 pages or so, I would probably have put it back down without another thought.
I think it is a bit like the Sherlock Holmes beginning elsewhere in this topic. I knew what was coming and read despite the beginning to get to the "good part".
As an opening by itself, I found it to be a stinker.
quote:but what amuses me is that if this was an as-yet-unpublished passage and it was posted in another section of this forum it would have been savaged by erswhile editors, and then rewritten by the fearful submitter, until all its charm were destroyed.
Don't be so sure of that. A few weeks ago someone plagiarized the opening of an old published story and put in the F&F forum, and it didn't get savaged.
posted
My opinion has softened somewhat. I see my use of "Fragments & Feedback" as both the best and worst thing I did during my first couple of weeks as Some Guy Who Wants To Write Fiction.
I just happened to encounter it during a phase when the emphasis seems to have been on examing 13 lines primarily for hooks.
Happily, I'm a quick study.
Now if I could just learn to stop getting on my high horse . . .
posted
I was thinking about this topic earlier today, and it ocurred to me that there are a lot of things J. K. Rowling did not do in this opening. For example:
quote:Harry Potter dodged the bolt of lightning that came from Lord Voldemort's wand. His own wand lay several feet away. If only he could get to it, he might be able to use one of the defensive spells he had learned during his first year at Hogwarts, the school for young wizards.
I'm only eleven years old, he though. I shouldn't have to fight for my life against the most powerful evil wizard in the world. How had he gotten himself into this mess?
It had all started last summer, on his eleventh birthday. . . .
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) If I recall the first time I read it, though, I found the opening to be a HOOK. The first sentence just grabbed me straight away. After that it dipped into some exposition, but that is quite normal for children's books, and even the exposition was light and fun. If I recall she soons goes into describing a cat reading a map, and as I love cats that kept speeding me along too. 
