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Author Topic: Finish my story intro...
skadder
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A small competition, if you fancy a go--rules below.

1. I will provide you with the first sentence of you intro and the title. Consider these as prompts, if you will.

2. You may alter this first sentence provided that you eliminate no more than 20 percent(ish) of the words and any substitutions must be for a word of similar meaning ( 'sprinted' may be changed for 'jogged' for example.). So you could change:

The house smelled like a cat's litter tray.

The cottage stunk like pig-sty.

The way to judge this is to identify if the general thrust of the sentence remains the same. We won't be too pedantic about it. I verymush doubt if there would be any complaints if you shifted this line to the second or perhaps thried sentence of you own intro.


3. You may insert other words into the sentence or add extra clauses, provided my original meaning is not lost or changed beyond recognition.

4. This competition is about a creating a hook, so ensure you do.

5. Post your entry using the usual format:

Title


Story

5. Voting commences on 2nd June--any time zone.


Title: Pearls of Red

First Line: The garden was silent, but Jasal wasn't fooled.


Discussions on this thread, entries only on the other...(theres always one!)

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 30, 2009).]


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snapper
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How could something seem silent?

Sound = noise

No sound = silence

Not much gray area.


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skadder
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bah humbug (I know what I meant)...I write one line and it gets critted!

Well spotted.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 25, 2009).]


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satate
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I'm assuming the story is thirteen lines?
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Well, whether the story is 13 lines or not, entries will need to be kept to 13 lines, as usual.
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skadder
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Yes--sorry--this is a first 13 line competition. So it the intro of your story and the usual 13 lines limit applies.

It is not a micro-fiction story competition...so you need to create hooks, but not finish the story.


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skadder
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Quite a few entries already, and the quality is high.
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Cheyne
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Was the title 'Pearls of Red' part of the Challenge or just an example? I noticed at least one writer stretching to encompass the idea.
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skadder
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It was just a title that you had to try and write to. I didn't expect references in the first 13 necessarily. I guess you should bear it in mind when writing, but it's not that important really--no-one's gonna question you on it!

I chose 'Pearls of Red' as I thought it was suitably ambiguous--could be blood, treasure, planets, anything, really.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 28, 2009).]


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skadder
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I forgot to mention that non-voters (voting from 2nd to 9th of June) can't win, as the vote they should have made may have helped someone else win.

Come the 9th, anyone who hasn't voted will have the any votes they recieved transferred down to the person below. So 5 points for a first place vote will bump down to whoever came second, and they will get the 5 points instead...third place will bump up to second and get 4 points.

Make sure you vote...critting is not required, although we all appreciate a comment or two on why our entry did or didn't get a vote.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 30, 2009).]


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JustinArmstrong
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I've also noticed that my name made it into an entry! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Skadder, I gotta hand it to you, you make up some fun writing challenges. Any other ones you plan on creating, it's a sure bet I'll be in on them.

Happy Voting everyone! (Come june 7th)


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skadder
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Anyone agree that the 7th is quite a long way away? It's almost ten days...I doubt we will get many more entries. Quite frankly, I don't know why I set it so far in the future.

If people consent to it, I was going to suggest bringing the voting period forward to 2rd June--9th June. That way it still gives people a few more days to submit entries.

Since this is altering the original 'rules', I think we would need at least a majority of entrants to agree to it. So as it stands now, I would need seven of the twelve entrants to agree. If I only get six votes, then we will stick to the original dates.

Please indicate your agreement by posting a simple 'Yes' on this thread.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 29, 2009).]


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Cheyne
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YES

That is my vote for the date change, but I also have a question.

What is the voting format? Top three...four? let us know please.


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Owasm
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Yes

I'm for moving the date up.

[This message has been edited by Owasm (edited May 29, 2009).]


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snapper
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sure

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skadder
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I'm a yes (obviously)--voting will be 1st, 2nd and 3rd. The will get 5, 4 and 3 points respectively.

We need three more votes to bring forward the voting date.


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TaleSpinner
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TS was silent. But skadder wasn't fooled. He chalked up another yes.
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skadder
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Yeah, silent like Mr Blobby, the ninja.
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Kaz
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A yes here as well.
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skadder
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One more vote and we change it...

Adam


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tnwilz
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I'm on the fence on this one. On the one hand it doesn't really matter a whole lot - but on the other hand, what if we move it up and in some bazaar cascade of events, someone dies? Hey, I just came up with the next challenge. Sure, move it up. But if someone gets killed....
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skadder
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Okay--critical mass achieved.

VOTING DATES CHANGED; voting commences on the 2nd June until the 9th (any timezone).

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited May 30, 2009).]


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InarticulateBabbler
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You do know that I had to be a late entry, right?
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skadder
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Of course, except you had until the 2nd.
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MrsBrown
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I'm still thinking about entering, but haven't written it yet--do I have to SUBMIT by end of today?
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skadder
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Yup, although you can post an entry anytime until someone votes (after it becomes the 2nd in some time zone). So avote closes it.
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MrsBrown
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quote:
Might as well edit it back to above this post--no-one has voted yet!
Oh, thank you, thank you!

[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited June 03, 2009).]


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MrsBrown
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Voting and crits in the ENTRIES thread?
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skadder
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Yup...crits always follow on the same thread as the entries--well, at least as far as I remember.
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MrsBrown
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Shall we vote for best title as well? I vote for "ENTRY #n" ... never mind.
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MrsBrown
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This was a lot of good feedback, with very mixed reactions. Thanks for all your crits!
I am interested in posting a re-write, and seeing if it resolves the problems that some folks had, without losing the good stuff that some folks liked.

Is anyone else interested in polishing up their 13 lines?

I could just take it to F&F, but I liked getting a lot of feedback at once without all the back-and-forth and multiple revisions to please a few.


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Devnal
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Just want to give a "thank you" to skadder for putting this challenge together. I miss doing these things and I'm sure its a lot of hard work to put together and supervise.

Thanks Skadder!


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JustinArmstrong
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I agree! Thank you very much skadder. You somehow manage to put together a fun and useful competetion that got many of us involved.

I was just reading Character's and Viewpoints again by Card and I read a line near the beginning that talked about no two stories being the same. That it wouldn't matter if two people wrote about the same thing, the stories would reflect the writer.

It was interesting to see that proven so well with this exercise. Each story was very different, very distinct.

Great job to all the writers who entered.


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Cheyne
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Thanks to everyone who took part.
It was indeed a learning experience. I learned that I need to bring my A-game to compete here.
I don't want this seen as an excuse, but I wrote my entry during a twenty minute break at work and was concentrating more on getting a hook in by line 13 than setting up a real story. The crits were mainly positive, but I only received one vote because this was it--there was no more story--I didn't even think about what came next. So it is no wonder very few readers felt drawn to read on even if they enjoyed what was written so far.
For the record I did mean the little ceramic garden statues and it was supposed to be funny.

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TaleSpinner
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Very edutaining. Thanks skadder.
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philocinemas
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Thanks, skadder. Congratulations, snapper. Goodbye, splatter.
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skadder
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Thanks for the thanks.

quote:
Very edutaining.

I was aiming for entercational...or is that something to do with the liver?

quote:
I learned that I need to bring my A-game to compete here.

Always bring your best to the table.

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited June 10, 2009).]


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Owasm
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From the mossy footpath, to the verdant foilage, Jasal thanks you.
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InarticulateBabbler
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I sent my 13 lines to David Wolverton, and he said he was hooked. Perhaps, I should write the story now. Good contest, skadder.
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snapper
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Thank you everyone. I am honored.

This proves that Rock Trolls are awesome.


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