Hatrack Utility Belt
[designed and built by writers from the Hatrack Website]
Among the benefits of belonging to Hatrack is that paragon of tools, the infamous Hatrack Utility Belt, now in version 2.1. Officially endorsed by Orson Scott Card!
Here are just some of the features of the HUB:
Proximity Alarm: for detecting POV shifts
Hatrack Pen/Glowing Blade of Words: Slices through logical conundrums
Furry Dice: Used to stun the reader with a superfluosity of adjectives.
Each set of Furry Dice should come with a warning label. If you received yours
without one it should read as follows: Use with caution. Furry Dice may
result in the creation of a Tom Swifty demon. This small boy grows quickly and
can easily take over your taglines, cluttering them with adjectives and
said-bookisms. Tom Swifty is often dressed entirely in black and he carries a
small pouch of dust to litter your lines. (Available in jet black, Mary-Kay
pink, or winter white)
Universal Travel Guide: Instant information for any place a Hatracker
might find herself, himself, or itself.
Spell-checker: Works in the background but cannot read your mind.
The Deus Ex Machina attachment: For last resort only! A glass tube about
four inches long and an inch in diameter; marked "EMERGENCY USE ONLY. Does
anything you want.
Infinitive Splitter: Has a large blast radius, use with caution.
BS Detector: Everyone needs one.
Handwavium pellets: Useful for getting through sticky science scenes.
A boson's whistle to summon The Penmanship, the Hatrack sloop.
Invisibility booster: most of us don't need it.
The Ultimate Weapon: The ultimate weapon for a Hatracker caught in a
dilemma in any thread - a small black lock. - (Compiled by Mike Munsil)
Rising Action switch: can help elevate you in a situation but be sure you
can get to a safe place before you reach the top of the story arc or you'll
crash to the ground - (Robyn Hood)
Levity Belt attachment: this should only be used in a comical situation
otherwise you'll go over like a lead balloon in a serious situation - (Robyn Hood)
Instant Quotations: for nailing down a point. - (Mike Munsil)
Hatrack Ray-Gun with attachments: Including the Hyphenator: used
to break-things-up; Procrastinator: used to slow things down;
Punctuator: used to punch-up things that appear flat or life-less!
(Works well when used with hyphenator); Excelerator: used to create
graphs which act as webs or nets, trapping people and things until the graph is
deciphered - (Robyn Hood)
The Incredible Coincidence generator: Shoot someone and see what happens.
You'll be amazed! - (babylonfreek)
Disbelief Suspenders: These handy, dandy accessories come in a variety
of colors and styles, guaranteed to match any wardrobe. Use the suspenders on
their own to add enjoyment to any flight of fancy you may encounter. Or wear
them with your HUB and use them to help hold-up the disbelief in your own
writing. - (Robyn Hood)
The web of intrigue: useful for collecting loose plot fragments, among
other things. - (QuantumLogic)
Quantum Tunneling: For working your way to the top of an editor's slush
An armor-plated ego: For taking critiques in hand-(Mike Munsil)
Buttseatium: Super adhesive to keep the seat of the writer attached to
the chair so he/she actually writes. - (JohnSWalsh)
Turnoffium: Prevents the writer from turning on the Internet connection
when he/she is supposed to be writing.-(JohnSWalsh)
Emergency Shut-Off Switch: Disables all telephones, televisions, and
doorbells in your home for a four-hour period. You may not over ride this
four-hour period no matter how frustrated you feel with your writing. - (theokaluza)
Literary License: Mandatory for writers.
Mid-Summer Night's Dream Cream: Let's you know your dream from last night
is not the brilliant source material that it seems to be when you first wake
Fragment Fragger: Used without caution, it leads to a superfluosity of
commas and a shortness of breath. - (Mike Munsil)
The dreaded semicolonoscopy: Determines if a semicolon is called for. -
Uncommitted-Newbie Night-Vision Goggles: Those who aren't going to last
more than a dozen posts show up glowing green on the forums. The Newbie-goggles
work extremely well, but they're a bit slow. Results may take a month or more.
The Portable Door: Allows you to walk through walls. Good for exploring
ideas beyond your reach and horribly fun at parties.
The Paperweight Reader: magically reads your hard-drive in the case of
Ice Cream Dispenser: Good for a cold sweet sensation that makes people
happy. Caution: if used too much will cause brain freeze. - (Pyre
Ever Ready Wit Sharpener: Absolutely vital for witty repartee. - (Rocklover)
Seam Ripper: Useful for escape long threads on Forums so you can get back
to writing. - (jeduthun)
The k d-w*: Pull it out and it throws a stern admonition that instantly
sets you back on course. Make sure not to throw a KDW instead, or you will be
catapulted willy-nilly into the future! - (Mike Munsil)
*(Kathleen Dalton Woodbury is the moderator of the Hatrack Writer's Workshop,
not to be confused with K D W, K. D. Wentworth, who is the coordinating judge
for the Writers of the Future contest.)
Geiger counter: only field-tested on felines, so far.*
*(Some private jokes just can't be explained)
Click here to see the HUB in action