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I've been reading the Razzies, and, as always, the most recent really terrible movie is always touted as the 'worst movie ever'. This shows up in good movie lists too, with the most recent movie everyone liked finding its way to the top of the IMDB all time best movie lists.
But back to the bad stuff. In going over the list at IMDB, I see a lot of recent stuff. Gigli, cat in the hat, and others from this last year are on the bottom 100 list. Of course, there are some classics too. Manos maintains its death grip on number one. In fact, a lot of MST3K alumns are in the list, making me think that most people voted on them AFTER seeing the MST3K version. I hardly think this is fair. I think that a truly bad movie has to stick with you, like herpes. Otherwise, it's just a flash in the pan.
So I want my own list. Here are the rules. It must be a movie you saw in the theater, in a first run. And, in keeping with my assertion that truly bad movies have lasting power, it must be over five years old. It has to be so bad, you REMEMBER it being bad. It has to be psychic scar creating bad. Oh, and no more than five. If the list gets too long, it gets unwieldy.
I'm curious how much overlap people will have.
Here is my first try at a list:
1) Ator The invincible (an intensely bad attempt to capitalize on the brief, conan inspired, love of barbarian sagas) 2) Starcrash (I saw this as part of a double feature with the Buck Rogers movie. I was about 12 at the time, and was deeply in love with all things sci fi. It was the first time in my life I ever thought, 'Sci Fi can suck!' It was very traumatic.) 3) Laserblast (My parents wouldn't let me see this, and I actually snuck out with a friend to go see it. See the previous film for affects on my psyche. It's amazing how many bad movies were spawned by the success of star wars.) 4) The Giant Spider Invasion (Saw this at a drive in with my dad and sister. I remember being confused, and thinking that maybe the movie was 'too grown up' for me to understand. I saw it again on MST3K, and realized I was still just as confused.) 5) Street Fighter (My first video game movie. I actually played the game, and liked it a lot. I don't know why I thought that meant I would like the movie. It's one of my most shameful moments. This movie killed Raul Julia. I am convinced of that. And for that, I can never forgive it. Also, it had Van Damm, giving it bonus awful points.)
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I remember listening to the Mortal Kombat albumn a lot during freshman-year wrestling. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I still break it out now and then for nostalgia's sake.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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Timeline, the movie adaptation of the Michael Crichton (sp?) novel, was so awful it's kind of purged my mind of any memory of the many other awful films I've seen.
That's just an hour and fifteen minutes-I walked out-that I'll never, ever get back.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Too bad I didn't see A.I. in the theatre. But here goes:
This was a result of my mom's laissez faire parenting philosophy: The Pit It says 1981, but I was more like 13 when I saw it with a friend and her mom. But back before video, even a bad movie could have a fairly long run. Especially one with gratuitous violence, cannibalism, and boobs.
Recent? Lost in Space Somehow the involvement of William Hurt and Gary Oldman makes this even worse.
This is a little out of step, but I didn't like Dances with Wolves due to the scene where they encircle the enemy brave and shoot him. I mean, the rest of it was up and down, but that scene really ruined it for me. If you want to talk scarring.
Austin Powers Has it been 5 years already? The placement of the tracking device and the "coffee".
And then there was this PG-13 gem, which, if I recall has live full frontal nudity. Doc Hollywood
Worst I've sat through that weren't from MST3K . . .
5) Toys. This movie taught me how bad a movie could be. Before this, I thought any movie could, at least by being a movie, be enjoyable. I was young and naive. 4) Sphere. Words can't describe the agony of the movie that just keeps going and going and going . . . 3) Circle of Friends. I will never forgive anyone associated with this film. 2) Captain America. Wandering around in the Canadian woods, Cap says, "I don't know where I am, but home must be south of here." That's about the sense of directon the plot has. 1) Mars Attacks. I really was ready to slit my wrists by the end of this.
Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2001
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i agree with slash on Street Fighter. i also loathed Lake Placid. The Majestic with jim carey was boring as all get out. at least i got to tell my mom and brother "i told you so," but even that didn't make up for the two hours and some change i could have spent productively sulking.
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That's exactly the kind of list I'm looking for. But, only Captain America is as bad as the five I listed, I think. Sphere was idiotic and boring, but was it as bad as Captain America? I don't think so. It was more lame, than truly bad.
Maybe only I make that distinction. *shrug*
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Toys and Fatherhood turned me against Robin Williams forever. But they were both video experiences. I've seen tons of bad movies on video.
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Book? Don't try to claim you saw Manos outside of MST3K. I have done my research on that film, and am even a bit of an expert on it. I know *exactly* where it has played in theatrical release.
Yes, it's awful, but doesn't find its way onto the list because only about 300 people have ever seen it in a theater. Everyone else saw the excellent Mstie of it.
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Blair Witch Project (In my young years, I spent a lot of time alone in forests at night, so there was nothing scary in the movie. Lacking that, it was just bad. Real bad.)
Trash (And other Paul Morissey movies. Not sure why I went back to see them at the Eastman theater. I was probaly just morbidly curious to see the reaction of the American audience to male frontal nudity.)
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Yes, it truly blew chunks. I was taking my friend's 4 year old son to see it one day when I was tending him and it was all I could do to stay. There was no one else in the theater and even the 4 year old hated it.
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But *I* didn't actually pay for it. The child's father did, so I was only out my hour and a half and the brain cells that I lost in the trauma.
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quote: "This is an old-fashioned movie where the kiss means something. I felt that the way I appeared as (the character) in the beginning was, `Here I am, a creature of nature, treat me like an equal.' She's certainly not the type who would run off into the woods. But it's not my preference, I'm not an exhibitionist, unless it's really called for in the script."
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If I have to pick the single worst movie I've ever seen, I'd have to go with Plan Nine from Outer Space. It seems like just about every single giant monster movie I've ever seen has been terrible. Anaconda and Lake Placid were awful. I saw this one on TV called Mosquito. It was about giant (like, three or four feet long) mutant mosquitos that killed indiscriminantly (of course).
I also remember a couple of really bad Sci-Fi Channel movies that I watched with my roommate a couple years ago. One was called Enemy Mine, and it starred Dennis Quaid. It was really, really bad. The other was a movie about these people trapped in this giant cube-shaped maze. They all die except the severely autistic guy in the group. I missed the beginning, and I don't remember the title. I remember that they all had Canadian accents, though. Anyone know what it's called?
Yeah, The One was terrible. Some cool fight scenes, but that was about it. Too bad Scooby-Doo isn't more than five years old. It was baaad.
[ February 03, 2004, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
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quote: Circle of Friends. I will never forgive anyone associated with this film.
I know people who love this film. Personally, I thought it was okay. Not brilliant, but okay.
Summer Catch is forever embedded in my memory as the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't believe I actually spent money to see it. I hate to admit I even saw it. I have no idea what I was thinking.
EDIT: So I don't think it's five years old but it was still terribly bad.
um, i'm still scarred from men with brooms, which i saw in a nice home theater. did you guys know that in canada, astronaut means slut?
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I know it's less than five years old, but I really feel the "The Professional" (with that English actor from "Lock Stock" and "Snatch") was truly, abysmally, psychologically damagingly bad.
I remember the final scene, where the damsel in distress shoots her own father, the villain of the piece, saving the "hero". The final words of the film were:
"He was a b*****d, but he was my father." said in halting english. Then she pashes the dude.
And the whole damn movie, they've got the absolute worst, most ugly soundtrack you've ever heard, with every sloppy string-cliche possible in the "romantic" moments.
I'll never forget how bad that movie was.
And don't get me started on "Mulholland Drive" David bloody Lynch should never be let near a camera again.
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I really liked Ronin. I thought it was fun and interesting. It wasn't high art, but I really liked Robert DeNero's role.
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You know, Star Trek V was going to make my list. It would definitely be in the top 10, no doubt. I remember walking out of the theater with my friend in total shock. We didn't even start dissing it until days later. It took that long to get over it.
Oh, and we lost my car in the mall parking lot, and walked around for hours looking for it. Talk about insult to injury.
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Troub, I think you are talking about 'the Transporter'. The professional had Jean Reno in a pedophiliac relationship with an orphan that he taught to be an assassin.
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wow, celia, i've been walking around work all week with my headset on declaring how much i want to be an astronaut. or maybe this is the more relevant smilie
i am also neutral on Circle of Friends, but i do really enjoy calling guys Creepy Sean Walsh.
jon boy, i would imagine the movie with the cube shaped maze was indeed Cube. or possibly the sequel.
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The worst movie ever has to be The Avengers. I hope Sean Connory is ashamed of himself. Lord knows I was ashamed for him watching it. And could Ralph Fiennes & Uma Thurman had LESS chemistry?!? Oh God take this image from my eyes!!!! Posts: 601 | Registered: Sep 2002
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I know what movie sucked! Show girls! And I did see it in a theatre and it was AWFUL. Not even boobs could save that movie.
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But if you guys want to see the best terrible movie ever, check out Riki-Oh. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a truly horribly made film with tons and tons of blood and ever-amusing plot devices.
Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2001
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"You know that movie about these people trapped in a cube, and they're trying to escape from the cube, but the cube keeps killing them, and then only one of them ever gets out of the cube?"
"You mean, Cube?"
"No, that's not it."
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Same! He is my friends' measurement of creepyness. A common phrase is "Was he more creepy than Sean (bloody) Walsh?"
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Wing Commander is one of the worst i've ver seen in the theater. and come to think of it i've never enjoyed anything featuring Freddie Prinze jr.
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Enemy Mine was my favorite movie when I was a kid... It's got that sentimental value stuff.
But I think my vote for worst movies ever has to go to...
5. Grab bag... I haven't a movie for this place, but it's just waiting to be filled... 4. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. (Need I say more?) 3. Clockstoppers (Sorry, Riker, bad plot, bland characters and idiotic execution...) 2. Warriors of Virtue (Zen kangaroos? WTF!?) 1. Jack Frost (My dead dad is a snowman... He's melting. Let's pointlessly change the personalities of the background characters... Woo.)
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Um, will I be run out of town if I have fond childhood memories of Enemy Mine?
The worst movie ever, though, has to be The Muse. It wasn't funny - it wasn't cute, it didn't even make you care about the characters. It was just a lot of Albert Brooks whining.
And even though I won some good stuff for dressing up on opening night of Tomb Raider, I really should have known better than to buy a ticket for a video game movie.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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several friends and i watch showgirls ritualistically. at first i was offended when some friends said i should watch it with them, but when i caught the edited version on VH1 i was captivated. If the creators of this movie meant it to be a perverse inside joke then they are geniuses. and syn is right. i saw the unedited version several weeks later, and not even boobs could save that movie.
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