There's no denying that many of these movies -- with perhaps the exception of The Player -- are very, very bad. And some of them are so bad that no one has ever even seen them outside of their MST3K shot, or a sarcastic "let's watch bad movies" night (like Plan 9).
But how many of them ruined the nostalgic memories of a generation of children, and worked to sink not only a whole franchise but an entire mythology?
For that, we must nominate Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
It's a film that has thuddingly bad dialogue, mostly terrible acting, completely random plotting, and extended sequences clearly designed for the video game. (In this, it's kind of like Matrix: Reloaded.) It's saved from being another Plan 9 only by virtue of Ewan McGregor and its production budget, which makes me wonder what Ed Wood could have done with those assets.
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Plaid, I'm with you on Moulin Rouge. I could write an essay on why I hated that movie, but I'll just let you take my word for it.
Comments on other movies already mentioned...
Star Trek: V was a terrible movie. But it was terrible in such a campy way that you can't help but love it. And if you think the movie is hilarious, you've got to see the special features on the newly released double-disc DVD edition. All the other Star Trek movies second discs are filled with comments about how brilliant and groundbreaking the film was. This one consisted of Shatner talking enthusiastically about how it was classic cinema, and everyone else interviewed saying that it was not as bad as it seemed, or it could have been better if they had more money. And Shatner's 20-minute interview on the symbolism of the mountain is alone worth the $20. It's priceless.
The Transporter. Yes, it was awful. However, I own it, for two reasons. First off, my father-in-law came over from Albania last year. He doesn't speak a word of English, so we got a couple mindless action movies with which to entertain him. We found cheap copies of this movie and XXX, so we got them, and he dug them. The reason I haven't sold this one yet is because it was directed by Cory Yuen, who has done a lot of work with Jet Li and is really swell. Some of the fight choreography in this movie was interesting, and carried out surprisingly well by Jason Statham. However, unfortunately no one with so much talent was working on the script. Oh, it's painful to watch that movie if you're not skipping to the fight scenes. But if you want a good laugh, you must try something. My best friend married a Japanese girl who had never seen an Indiana Jones movie. Last time they came to see us, we showed her the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones is chasing down the Nazi caravan. Then, to demonstrate the dearth of creative thinking in Hollywood, I showed them the shot-for-shot remake of that scene in the end of The Transporter. We were laughing so violently you'd have thought we were all having seizures. And yes, it only got worse from there. It's as though they thought, "let's not worry about tying up loose ends. Let's just shoot until we run out of money, then pull back in a crane shot and roll credits." Worst. Ending. Ever.
As for Enemy Mine, I don't know why anyone's surprised. Other than In The Line of Fire, I've never seen a good Wolfgang Peterson movie. Das Boot was tedious. The Neverending Story was goofy. Air Force One was okay, up until it got to the worst ending in the history of film, until The Transporter stole the title. Outbreak was a waste of film, and of Dustin Hoffman. I'm hoping he can do our favorite book some justice.
Anyway, I'll add one more movie to the list. I remember in 1994 I paid money to see The Flintstones. That one definately deserves a place of honor here. I was so mad that I left the theatre and decided to sneak into whatever movie happened to be starting at that time in the Multiplex. The only one was called Being Human, with Robin Williams. There were about 15-20 people in the theatre, and I went up to the front and sat down. It was a dull, pretentious and forgettable movie, but after having my senses assaulted by The Flintstones, I just sat in the seat and daydreamed, not paying too much attention to the plot. Robin Williams was going to different periods of time or something. Anyway, it didn't disturb me too much, so I finished it, and as soon as the credits rolled I stood up and turned around to find that I was in an empty theatre. I was the only person in that showing that hadn't walked out in disgust. I've never before or since seen anything like that happen.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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Hey, what about Space Hunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone? I saw that movie when I was about 7, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. So when I was about 17, I had a sleepover party with some friends and we were looking for a movie. I suggested this one, since I remembered it being so good. I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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BTW, The Mothman Prophecies gave my mother-in-law a heart attack. Seriously. She's in an assisted-living facility now. Now that's a bad movie.
Posts: 575 | Registered: Jan 2004
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And we musn't forget Omegaman or Soylent Green. I remember hanging out with a friend in high school. We were at a video store and we didn't see anything good, so he closed his eyes and grabbed randomly until his hand closed around something, and he came up with Omegaman. It was classic MST3K-fodder.
For my money, Charlie's Angels was one of the worst things I've ever seen in a theatre. "Scenes from your favorite movies, remade with much less skill and much more T&A! See it today!" Crispin Glover was the only worthwhile thing in that film, and he didn't even have any lines. Or any T&A.
This may be a personal thing, but I almost cried when I saw The Tuxedo and The Medallion. Jackie Chan used to be so hip, cool, original and groundbreaking. Now he's making the worst crap in the business. At least The Transporter had some interesting fight scenes. Jackie's last few films have had absolutely no redeeming qualities. Maybe I was just expecting too much, but I'd say those are some of the worst movies I've seen.
I'm sure I'll have more later.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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Okay, one more. I don't know if this movie really belongs here. This goes past just camp value... if you want to see a movie that's so bad that it's really, really good (I'm talking about genius), you've got to see The Warriors. I actually own this movie. I've seen it about a dozen times, and I still can't decide if it's one of the worst or one of the best movies I've ever seen. It'll blow your mind.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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Lalo, I too have a special place for Meet the Feebles, but I never did like muppets.
Of everything mentioned, I think Star Trek V and Tank Girl are the only ones I actually saw in the theater. Huh.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I can't believe no one has mentioned Independence Day.
It was bad on so many levels: The plot was stupid, the dialog was inane, all the characters were stereotypes, the science was nonexistent, and the aliens were defeated because they didn't secure their Mac-compatible wireless network. Don't even get me started about the misunderstood genius cable tv programmer who makes Mac viruses in his spare time.
Oh, and it had Jeff Goldblum in it. That in itself puts it on the worst. Movies. Ever. List.
Posts: 173 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Sadly, I paid good money to see Ishtar at the theater...
I also paid money to see Mars Attacks!, another terrible movie.
But the one that has stuck in my craw as a huge disappointment, shredded the years of waiting I had spent, and dashed my hopes for a return to the great movies of my youth, was Star Wars: The Phantom Menace . Terrible piece of crap aimed at the Britney Spears demographic.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Hmm... some of these choices just don't cut it for wost movie...
Pretty good movies that have been mentioned: Dances with Wolves Austin Powers Babe, Pig in the City Blair Witch Project Scooby-Doo Me, Myself and Irene The Nightmare Before Christmas Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Mars Attacks
Come on people... if these are the worst you've seen, you're doing very very well.
And then there's some AWESOME movies that have been mentioned: E.T. Mulholland Drive Moulin Rouge Independence Day
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Wing Commander is right up there, or pretty much anything with Mr. Prinze Jr. How about Starship Troopers? The Island of Dr. Moreau deserves a place, especially for laughably bad make-up for the, er, whatever they were.
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Mars Attacks Independence Day (though I think I enjoyed it when I saw it) As Good As It Gets Me, Myself & Irene Robot Jocks
Posts: 1336 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I'm with Robey regarding The Thin Red Line. Here's a review from Rotten Tomatoes that sums up the awfulness:
quote:William Thomas Cummings said "There are no atheists in foxholes." According to "The Thin Red Line," there was at least one, along with a number of bad poets and first year philosophy students. Visually sumptuous and astoundingly pretentious, "The Thin Red Line" takes a bracing portrayal of the battle of Guadalcanal and buries it within nearly three hours of nature footage, muddled philosophizing, and endless navel-gazing. Some have proclaimed the film a masterpiece that transcends traditional narrative structure to become a cinematic meditation. I found it more a grandiose doodle, the kind of thing a screenwriter might come up with after smoking too much dope while watching old war movies on TV. If a novice director had screened this film, he would likely have been told, "Nice cinematography, Skippy. Now put away your bong, take this self-indulgent rough cut back to the editing room and chop out about an hour and a half. You might start by lopping off that wandering-in-paradise opening sequence along with the virtually incoherent 45 minutes at the end. Get rid of those godawful voice- overs, Hallmark Hall of Fame flashbacks, and a lot of the Wild Kingdom animal shots. Turn down the orchestra so we can hear the dialogue, color-code the soldiers so we can tell one from another, and lose those distracting cameos from John Travolta and George Clooney. Oh, and you know those scenes where you were trying to show that the Japanese soldiers were scared, confused human beings just like the Americans? It might help if you added subtitles. Think about it, kid." . . . It feels like open stage night at the World War II coffeehouse as the audience is subjected to lines like "Love, where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us?" Wait, there's more. Try these on for size. "What's this war at the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? Is there an avenging power in nature? '' "How did we lose the good that was given us? Let it slip away. Scattered. Careless. What's keeping us from reaching out, touching the glory?" The film is packed with gems like these.
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The Patriot was another awful movie. I loved Braveheart, so I had high hopes for this one. It started off OK and got progressively worse, until it reached a climax of awfulness during the church-burning scene. Also, I could have done without Joely Richardson's Colonial cleavage costumes. And "It's a free country--or it will be." *cringes*
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Fluke. Along the same lines as "Jack Frost." The dad dies and comes back as a dog. The man who killed him was a co-worker who was after his wife, etc. The dog has to watch his wife fall in love with the guy that murdered him. The worst part is, there's no happy ending. He just stays a dog. The End.
Species or maybe it was Species II. It hardly matters, both were terrible. At some point in one of these movies, the alien's nipple shoots out in the form of a rope to strangle someone. I was amazed and barely knew what to say or do by the time this movie was over. They used the shock effect way too liberally.
I have to give the nod to the last two Matrix movies. They aren't five years old and by themselves weren't really that terrible. But they built us up so much in the first movie, only to leave us hanging by the end of the series. That makes me very, VERY angry.
added: I have to agree with the one who said "Sphere". It was my favorite book and the movie had the best cast...how could it turn out SO HORRIBLE? I can't even blame expectations, it was just that bad on it's own. It makes me afraid to hope for Ender's Game.
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Okay. I put a LOT of thought into this. In fact, I spent WAY too much time on it.
Several people here have named movies I kinda liked. Or at least movies I found pretty tolerable. I liked Toys. I would say you have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy its absurdism (and its sheer visual beauty). You also have to like René Magritte. Of course, I liked Dances With Wolves quite a bit as well. Seeing that here seems out in left field for me. Can you truly say that was one of the worst ever, or are you merely using this as a platform from which to snipe at a movie you think is overrated? I found Independence Day mindlessly fun, Doc Hollywood cute, Young Sherlock Holmes charming, and Nightmare Before Christmas borderline brilliant.
Slash, your requirement that it be something I saw in a theater really put a crimp on, because there are many movies I didn't see in a theater because I didn't think I would like them. Some of these I eventually saw on TV or video, though. Night of the Lepus truly deserves a place of honor, as do Pirhana and Barracuda. It's a shame not to be able to nominate them. But the most awful movie I ever rented was Mulholland Drive. Brilliant my fat butt. >_<
As things stand, you only get bad movies that surprised us, or perhaps, that we were dragged to against our will. Which, perhaps is what you're looking for. But then I don't know if they can really count as the "worst movie ever."
ANYWAY, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here is my real list, my hall of shame:
5) Disorderlies - starring the Fat Boys. Okay, I was dragged to see this. And it was just as stupid as I though it was. I no longer keep up with that friend.
4) Hideaway - I never liked Jeff Goldblum. I always found him to be pretentious and not particularly talented. But in the glow of Jurrassic Park, which not only did he not ruin, but he actually brought a quirky charm to, I was willing to reevaluate him. Okay, I did. I was right in the first place. He sucks.
3) Event Horizon - My wife loves Sam Neill. I like Lawrence Fishbourne. We both love science fiction. Sounds like a great match, right? This is one of the most tedious, disgusting, and unpleasant movies I have ever seen. The power went out halfway through, and we all groaned when it came back on. When a mother went to take her crying baby out (of this R-Rated movie) I asked her if she could please stay, since the sound of baby shrieks was actually making the movie less unbearable.
2) TIE: Kill Castro and Cuba. Although these movies are set in different times (and regimes) they are virtually indistinguishable. (Except that the second stars Sean Connery and Hector Elizondo.) Foreign agents trying to topple a Cuban dictator, lousy ending. Lousy movies.
And the Worst Movie I Ever Saw In a Theater: The Late Great Planet Earth - Now you might argue that it doesn't belong on this list, because it's a documentary. But being as how 1985 has come and gone and the world has not ended, I say it falls firmly back into the field of fiction. What makes this movie particularly bad was that the advertising did not at all make clear that this was a "documentary" by religious fanatics detailing how the world was going to end in six years. Rather, it showed shots of cavemen fighting and rockets going up, leading Young Icarus to believe that it was ome sort of time-travel action film. And my parents were game to take me, because, hey, it "starred" Orson Welles! A movie starring Orson Welles had to be good, right? This was the first time (since infancy) I ever fell asleep in a movie theater. I very much doubt anybody here has ever seen a worse movie. If you can find this embarrassment anywhere, I urge you to include it in your next Campfest.
-o-
Dishonorable mentions I considered for my list (which I saw in theaters): Ishtar, Flinstones, Star Trek V, Lost in Space, Starship Troopers, Fire in the Sky, Congo, and Spacehunter.
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In defense of The Matrix II and III, you have to keep in mind that the first one wasn't anything special. The footage great but the acting was nothing to write home about and the story has been done before. The philosophical questions were great, man has been debating the nature of reality for centuries and how many answers have we come up with? The first Matrix movie asked all the questions and somewhere along the line people started to think the next one would provide all the answers when human history, to this point, has been unable to. A little unfair if you ask me. And so the next two had good action sequences, creative cinematography and ended the story as best they could. I think they got caught up in the hype and thought they WERE smart enough to actually say something deep, meaningful and new which is why the third one was weak. It tried to be something it wasn't for about an hour before righting itself and becoming an action flick.
Anyway, Matrix rants are how many months old now? I'm way behind the times.
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One of the worst movies in my memory (that I saw at a theater) was Zapped!, a teen-comedy with Scott Baio that defined mediocrasy. Truly a hour-and-a-half of my life I want back.
But that just opens the whole teen-movie genre...
Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Oh right, as to the point of this thread. The worst movie I've ever seen in a theatre, bar none, was Tomb Raider: 2. What the hell was I thinking? I'm still ashamed.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Ack! Indenpendence day is the worse! My friend was flalling her arms wildly all through it! Which was funny. And also I hated pratical magic. They had to turn a wonderful book into a yeeky stoopid movie WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THAT!
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I can't believe I missed Independence Day and The Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, and Jurassic Park: The Lost World. I was on my mission when all of those came out, and I nearly went insane with anticipation waiting to see them because I was sure they would all rule, and they all absolutely blew. I should have stayed on my mission forever. The worst was The Island of Dr. Moreau. I grew up with H. G. Wells, and that was always my favorite of his books, ever since I was a kid. I was so pumped when I heard they were turning it into a movie. I can't believe Marlon Brando came out of retirement for that piece of pig's garbage.
The ironic thing was that Mission: Impossible also came out when I was on my mission, and I didn't see what the big deal was. About a year after I got home I checked it out just to see what I'd missed, and it turned out to be ten times better than all the movies I wanted to see put together. Such were the days before Rottentomatoes.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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All right, here's some with more to come. And yes, I did see all these in the theater. In no particular order.
Nothing but Trouble-Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore
ConAir-All star cast, 5 star loser
Doctor Detroit-Another BAD Dan Akroyd movie.
Modern Problems-Another BAD Chevy Chase movie. (I have a theory that 3 out of 5 SNL related movies SUCK. Can you proove me wrong?)
And finally,in my opinion the worst, Ice Pirates- Robert Urich, Ron Perlman & Angelica Houston. The Spaceship gets "space herpes", nuff said?
Posts: 172 | Registered: Jun 2003
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SirReal, I think your theory is absolutely wrong. At least 4 out of 5, if not 9 out of 10, SNL-related movies is garbage.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Tres, I can't believe you just called Phantom Menace a "pretty good movie."
6 out of 10, actually - that's what I rated it.
It's easily better than half the movies out there. Its main problem is failing to be as great as Star Wars movies had been expected to be. But it does have excellent special effects, a decent plot (better, at least, than the Star Wars novels I've read), creative characters, nice action sequences, acting on par for the series, offering an interesting look at pre-Imperial Star Wars, and an appropriate set-up for the next film made. I know plenty of kids who absolutely love it, in fact.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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5. Jurassic Park 2&3 get lumped together 4. Congo 3. Event Horizon 2. Highlander 2 1. the absolute worst movie ever (I didn't see it in the theater, but I've still got to mention it: RollerbladePosts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I think the movie is called Double Take, but I am not sure. Basically two guys trade places, and one of them is (both of them are?) an undercover cop doing something. The plot was very incoherent. I think it is not yet five years old either, but that has got to be the worst movie I have ever seen.
Posts: 1364 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:The Late Great Planet Earth - Now you might argue that it doesn't belong on this list, because it's a documentary. But being as how 1985 has come and gone and the world has not ended, I say it falls firmly back into the field of fiction. What makes this movie particularly bad was that the advertising did not at all make clear that this was a "documentary" by religious fanatics detailing how the world was going to end in six years. Rather, it showed shots of cavemen fighting and rockets going up, leading Young Icarus to believe that it was ome sort of time-travel action film. And my parents were game to take me, because, hey, it "starred" Orson Welles! A movie starring Orson Welles had to be good, right? This was the first time (since infancy) I ever fell asleep in a movie theater. I very much doubt anybody here has ever seen a worse movie. If you can find this embarrassment anywhere, I urge you to include it in your next Campfest.
Oh my! I often completely forget about this until it's mentioned by someone else. Now that it has been brought up, I might have to revise my list to also include Left Behind (I won't even mention the sequal). Ugh!
Of course, I've always liked Ishtar and although I don't believe anyone could argue the merits of Congo effectively, Bruce Campbell is in it... Posts: 1295 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Also, my friends and I rented a horror movie called Uncle Sam once, about a zombie back from the dead who terrorizes people dressed as Uncle Sam. Chef from South Park is in it. The tagline was "He wants you..... dead!"
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Oh, come on. The Postman was far from great, but it can't even compare with Waterworld. The latter was absolutely hideous -- had no redeeming qualities at all.
Of course, at the time I watched it I was hooked up to a device with a needle in my arm, being drained of plasma. That probably doesn't have anything to do with it, though. (Hmm. I saw Dracula: Dead and Loving It at the same time. Another stinker.)
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I was just flipping channels, and I noticed that HBO is playing Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. That's got to be on the list. Even Darth Maul, the only good part of Episode I, was powerless to save this stinker.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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5. Event Horizon – How sad is it that Michael Crichton won’t let you put his name on a movie based on his WORST book. He’s still got his name on ER for pete’s sake.
4. Spaceship: A Takeoff – Granted, I thought it was really funny when I was eight, but hey, kids are stupid.
3. Stone Cold – Starring Brian Bozworth!? Football players are not freaking actors!! Howie Long’s movie is in the bottom half of my top ten.
2. Star Trek V – William Shatner should be beaten to death with his director’s chair.
1. Cool As Ice – With, that’s right, Vanilla Ice. And yes, I saw it in the theater. Because my girlfriend at the time was sadomasochistic. And an idiot.
Others might have made the list but I didn’t see them in the theater. Some are, Highlander 2, The X-Files Movie, Bordello of Blood, The Substitute, John Carpenter’s Vampires, Major League 3, and Toys.
Posts: 288 | Registered: Nov 2003
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A few movies that I haven't seen mentioned yet, and I can't still find it hard to believe that I sat through in the theater, are Titantic and Tombstone.
I know that many people consider Tombstone a good movie. Even a few people, whom I really respect, think it is one of the best westerns made. But the fact is that after the OK Corral scene, the rest of the movie swtiches style. I couldn't stand the last part of the movie. When I walked out, I mentioned this to my friends. They BOTH said that they wanted to walk out at that same point. Maybe it was our mood that night.
I went to see Titantic solely for the special effects. In the end, I wished the boat would go down sooner and quicker, and for goodness sake take the lead characters with you.
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Robert Urich, Ron Perlman & Angelica Houston. The Spaceship gets "space herpes", nuff said?
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