posted
Ryuko! You are reading my thoughts! Your numbers 1 and 2 are right on, and I'm sure your other ones are as well, but I haven't seen them. Ug... I had forgotten about Warriors of Virtue.
Oh, and even though I might be prone to say that a foreign film can never be as bad as an American film, Il Postino is prone to prove me wrong. In fact, I think Pablo Neruda's immortal soul showed up to boycott that one.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Kingpin has got to be the most awful crap I've ever seen in a theater. I think I also saw Billy Madison in the theater too, and that's pretty bad.
I can't stand that kind of humor, I just got dragged into seeing it by the guy I was dating at the time.
Yeah, and was directed by the dude slated for Ender's game. Hmmm. I didn't like it, but my brother thinks it's the best sci fi movie ever. But he's not a sci fi fan. So I don't know where that leaves us.
I ultimately developed an appreciation for Star Trek V. I had to because I have to watch all of them every time I watch one. Stupid OCD.
P.S. Thank goodness they finally stopped making them!
Add to that Bolero--Even a naked Bo Derek couldn't save this movie. Come to think of it, any movie with a naked Bo Derek should be on this list.
There was a movie me and a friend rented, probably a straight to video thing, where a demon runs amok in a locked bowling alley as the handful of half-naked sex crazy teen-agers try to escape with their lives.
But Bolero was worse.
Evil Toon had about 4 good seconds in it.
Then there was one slasher/coming of age/teen sex comedy that went through an interesting week in the lives of the kids. School started on Monday. By Wed the main girl was talking about her date for Friday. It is snowing on Thursday--in Southern California. On Friday, in time for the date--they have to go to graduation first. I know that the Governator is cutting back on educational spending, but that struck me as a very short school year.
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And Jon Boy, you do realize the director of "Enemy Mine" is doing Ender's Game, right?
I would have nominated Cube, but I liked it, up until the last fifteen minutes. I just pretend those didn't happen.
Star Trek V was typed in on my computer, but I backed it out when I remembered Sphere.
Oh, and I think it was called "Gleaming the Cube."
(Boy, am I ever J/K.)
And I do notice how Freddie Prince Jr. keeps coming up. Boy, am I ever glad I've never watched anything he'd been within miles of.
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Well, my entry for the worst movie eeeeev-eeeer is Knock Off starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Rob Schneider.
A friend of mine used to manage a theater, so when they previewed the new movies to check for any problems with the prints, I'd go with her to "help out". They happened to be showing more than one movie that night so I opted for the brilliance of Van Damme rather than whatever the other movie was. (I really can't remember... my brain went to mush that night.)
Needless to say, I walked out of that movie several times. I found the empty lobby more stimulating than... well than either one of the movies being shown that night. (I know what you are thinking. Why did I go back in if it sucked that much. Because, I still had to check if there was anything wrong with the film... physically wrong I mean.)
To this day, as a running joke between my friend and I, I maintain that I should have gotten my money back.
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quote:"You know that movie about these people trapped in a cube, and they're trying to escape from the cube, but the cube keeps killing them, and then only one of them ever gets out of the cube?"
"You mean, Cube?"
"No, that's not it."
That's it!
quote:And Jon Boy, you do realize the director of "Enemy Mine" is doing Ender's Game, right?
I don't care. That movie was painfully bad. If any of you had fond childhood memories of it, go watch it again.
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As for Enemy Mine, I've watched it fairly recently and though it wasn't a paragon of movie awesomeness, and it wasn't even very good, I can still see why I liked it as a kid.
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I saw the Final Fantasy movie. I watched the whole thing 'cause I was with a group of friends. None of us actually liked the movie, but some had a policy against walking out of movies they paid for. That hasn't been five years, though...but five years ago, I didn't care about direction or acting or any of that stuff.
posted
Ooh! I just thought of the Number One Bad Movie of All Time: the Star Wars Holiday Special. Does it count if it was made for TV? It was hardly even a movie. It was more of a hodgepodge of bad comedy sketches, musical numbers, and a cartoon, sandwiched between some vaguely Star Wars-related material.
[ February 03, 2004, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
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You know, the cube is a pretty damn good movie, if you dont watch the last 15 minutes, or you umm like being really annoyed at the end of a movie Posts: 122 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Jawbreaker. I don't know why I watched this one, because it was not only artistically awful but morally awful. Ick. I feel like scrubbing myself with steel wool just thinking about it.
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I was forced into watching Me, Myself and Irene with a few people. Even they couldn't finish the movie; it was so disgusting and pointless and gross and...
While flipping through channels I witnessed about 1.5 seconds of Spice World, that was pretty painful.
E.T. and Young Sherlock Holmes (Steven Spielberg schmaltz, ehh)
Your Friends and Neighbors (whiny yuppies hating one another)
Some art films... Alphaville and Hiroshima Mon Amour... there's other ones I've managed to forget... I think boring art films are movies I hate the most; I'd rather be offended by a bad commercial movie than bored by a bad art film...
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I saw Me, Myself, and Irene on TV. If I hadn't seen Bruce Almighty at around the same time, all my faith in Jim Carrey would have been lost.
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This is one of those threads where I have to remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and it is okay to disagree.
That said, there are very few movies that I will say that I hated. I have seen a good number of low budget, obscure movies, but I am pretty good at taking them for what they are.
So the three movies that I can remember actually hate hate hating (and forgive me, they're not all five years old, but I did see them all in the theater) are:
Mystery Men Mission to Mars Cabin Fever
Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I second Battlefield Earth and Wing Commander. Both make me violently ill if I watch more than a few minutes.
The worst movie in the history of the world though is Swept Away. On so many levels. In every way. I shudder even thinking about it. I mean, its really painful to watch, no exageration whatsoever. I honestly think Guy Ritchie intentionally sabotaged it to hurt his wife's career.
*shudder*
Anyway, I liked The Beach Paul. What was so bad about it?
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You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a truly horrid movie in the theatre. I can think of three possible reasons for this:
1. I have impeccable taste an only go to good movies. 2. I have horrible taste and don’t realize how bad the movies I see are. 3. I have a convenient memory and have completely blocked out any bad movies I’ve seen.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Kull the Conqueror Warriors of Virtue Dragonheart 2: A New Beginning
Okay, so I saw the first two in theatres. I was young, and I hope to be forgiven. The third came right to video, but it was so bad it still deserves to be on the list. I mean, we're talking embarrasing to watch, let alone admit to having been a part of.
The only movie I actually wanted to walk out of was called Unstrung Heroes and maybe I was just too young to appreciate it, but man was I ever bored.
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If we're talking about straight-to-video sequels, I have to mention Cinderella 2. BLARGH.
I think it's somewhat telling that most of my entries are children's entertainment. I think that's because bad movies are generally not as bad when they're directed towards adults. OK, wait. Maybe that's a lie. But anyway, movies are certainly a lot more likely to suck if they're directed towards kids, because people think kids can't tell the difference.
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Copland is the only movie I've ever walked out of. Another horrible movie that comes to mind is The Lawnmower Man. And, well, pretty much every horror movie ever made.
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posted
Oh I have to say that I didn't see any of those I listed in Theatres. I usually read a review of a movie before dishing out my 8 bucks, so I tend to miss the truly awful ones.
Oh I remember what the worst movie I saw in theatres was. Jackie Brown! That was so horrible I've practically blocked it from my memory.
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dkw, neither have I, that I recall (with the exception of STV, which does hold a special place in my heart (for reasons which have nothing to do with the movie)). However, I attribute that to a fourth possibility: I see VERY few movies in the theater. If I am thinking about seeing one, I almost always read multiple reviews and consult with people who've seen it.
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Years ago I caught some part of it on TV, but my family hates science fiction and so I didn't see the rest of it. I didn't even know what it was called till I bought a five-novella paperback anthology from the library and discovered that the written version was good. (That was also my introduction to OSC, though I didn't notice--Songbird was also in the anthology.) Sadly, the book has vanished and I suspect mom may have thrown it away at some point after I moved out.
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Imagine Anne, on a train, in a nun's habit, covered in shrapnel, drinking liquor from a hip flask. Stunning in its badness. I would have been stunned less by frontal nudity. (But stripping to "The Lady of Shallot" would require perspicacity, obviously in short supply here.)
Highlander 2 . I pretend it didn't happen.
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas . Creepy, which I guess was the point. Totally overrated.
Aladdin 2 and 3. In 2, I think Disney was trying to address the "where's my dad?" issue affecting a lot of kids. I think that this movie might push the kids right over the edge. Aladdin mentions, briefly, to his father that he's little torked that his dad ran out on Aladdin and his mom, leaving his mom to die, Aladdin to starve, etc., etc., and at the end of the movie, the dad runs off AGAIN in search of gold AGAIN and Aladdin is just fine with that! "Oh, left me to starve as a child? That's fine! Bye, Dad! *sniff* That's my dad." Blech.
Also, and I feel bad about this because my family practically build altars for his other movies, but Hayao Miyazaki's Panda-go-Panda . . A good example of the worst of Japanese cartoons, that is, a lot of panty shots ( Kiki's Delivery Service had those too but is otherwise fantastic) and creepy incest undertones. ("How hungry Papa is tonight!",various comments about loving bamboo, etc.)
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Okay, say what you will about any Spielburg crap, but Meet The Feebles holds a special place in my heart. When good Muppets go bad!
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Battlefield Earth - I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to bad Sci-Fi, but could only stand the first 45 minutes or so before I walked out.
He Got Game - Basketball. Players. Are. Not. Actors. Ray Allen sounded like one of those guys with lung cancer and a voice box. I felt sorry for Denzel Washington before the end.
What Dreams May Come - I think the problem with this one was that I wasn't on an acid trip when I saw it. Maybe I'll rent it and see if it syncs up with Wish You Were Here.
posted
The only time I have ever walked out of a movie: Ali.
I enjoyed Ronin quite a bit actually.
*spoilers*
I loved the part where De Niro "ambushed" Sean Bean with a cup of coffee. And of course, these little gems:
quote:Discussing interrogation techniques.] Vincent: How did they finally get to you? Sam: They gave me a grasshopper. Spence: What's that? Sam: Lessee, two parts gin, one part brandy, one part Creme de Menthe...
quote:Spence: You ever kill anybody? Sam: I hurt somebody's feelings once.
quote:Spence: You worried about saving your own skin? Sam: Yeah, I am. It covers my body.
posted
In defense of Cube, I would like to point out that it was shot for only $365,000 (Canadian). So, while the script may have been lacking (although it was by far not the worst story and dialog I've ever heard) and the actors may not have been brilliant, I can't say it was a bad film. Not a good film, but not a bad one. Then again, don't get me started on Hypercube: Cube 2...
And Mulholland Dr. was almost brilliance. I'm not sure if there's any other director who can capture poetry (abstract and demented it may be -- although, not always -- see The Straight Story) on film like David Lynch. You may not understand his films, but they're certainly not bad. Now, Lynch has had his bad moments -- ::coughDunecough:: -- but even they have been, in my opinion, enjoyably bad.
Now, on to my list...
I can't say that I've ever seen a movie that I thought was all that bad in a theater, except possibly Blue Crush. And even that one wouldn't make my top-5-worst-films-ever list. Truth is, being the anti-socialite I am, I usually watch most movies at home on DVD/VHS. I'm also going to break the other rule and list a recent film -- only because it made such a strong impact. This one's going to stick with me.
My Boss's Daughter -- I can only hope the review on the main page at the IMDB is satire. The pain I felt when Ashton Kutcher pulled down the pants of Terence Stamp's (Superman II, Wall Street, The Limey) character to show his rear -- and then parted his cheeks!!! -- well, it may just be the singular worst thing I have ever seen on film. The rest of the movie I can't find anything good to say about.
Firewalker -- Now, this Chuck Norris gem is entertaining, but that's only because it's so awful. Lord of the Ring's fans take note! Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) makes an appearence!
U Turn -- Some people love him. Some people hate him. Oliver Stone makes controversial, and some would then say important, films. This movie takes the cake for me as being the most disgusting, vile piece of garbage I have ever seen, despite having two of my favorite actors (Sean Penn and Nick Nolte) in leading roles. It's well shot with a great cast, but I just can't get past how repulsed I am by it.
Captain America -- this one has already been mentioned, but I took it personally when my favorite superhero was butchered on screen (odd that the Cap is my favorite superhero because I wouldn't consider myself a patriotic American citizen). By the way, did you all know that the actor who played Captain America, Matt Salinger, is J. D. Salinger's son? Oddly ironic, no?
The Lord of the Rings -- Ralph Bakshi should be hung by his big toe from someplace high and left to rot. And that's all I've got to say about that.
Oh! And since Stephen King films have been brought up, I'd like to give an honorary mention to the Stephen King written and directedMaximum Overdrive!
posted
Oh yeah! Moulin Rouge... after I saw this I was amazed to find out that other people liked it (and even loved it)... I found it boring and unbelievable and annoying...
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