posted
1) Go into your local GNC or health food store and tell them you're looking for some supplements to boost your metachlorian count. 10-to-one you walk out of there with some recommendations.
2) At the shoe store, tell them you want a pair of shoes that will not squeek when you walk up the stairs. Tell them it's especially bad on the last two steps.
3) At the grocery store, when asked "paper or plastic?" really stop to think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. Ask their advice. Try to figure out what it says about you as a person to go with one or the other. Ask to see the manager. Get the whole store involved if possible.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Bob, with my luck I'd end up with a clerk who knew exactly what midichlorians were ... and figure he had a sucker on his hands LOL
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
When I was on band trips in high school my friends and I would always find some local musical supply store. One of us would walk in and ask the clerk where they kept their calypso rosin. When they said they didn't carry it, we'd allow several seconds for drama to build, look them in the eyes with great gravity, and say, "I hate you," then walk out of the store.
It seemed very clever when we were 15.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
That's funny Bob. I've done the clerking thing and people can be crazy. One guy spent at least 20 minutes trying to convince me that if I came to *his* Yoga class I would become part of a new version of humanity. I think the guy was serious. Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
I try not to mess with clerks as they're just doing their job. If one of them is unusually rude though, I have a few ways of being annoying.
If you're paying with a credit card or debit card, repeatedly slide the card the wrong way through the reader. Refuse any help offered and keep doing it until satisfied Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I used to do this one to my little sister if we went to a store together. I'd feign deafness, and talk to her in sign language (well, mock sign language) and try to get her to translate for the clerks. She was never amused by this, and would get very annoyed with me and tell me to stop embarrassing her by signing in public. Of course, she ended up looking like a heartless monster. I'd get the store clerks (and any other customers in the shop) to be totally sympathetic to me, and shoot my sister some pretty lethal looks.
If anyone said anything to her about having a little compassion, she would sputter "She can hear! She's just trying to embarrass me!" All the while, I'd be trying to read her lips.
I was cruel in my youth. I'd NEVER pull a stunt like that now. Not out of respect for my little sister, but out of respect for the hearing impaired.
I think she is still ticked off at me over this.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
A recomendation from Dane Cook: Go into a fast food place where they have the menu up on the wall above and behind the counter. Point to the menu and order something that isn't on it. See if the guy taking your order turns around to look.
posted
I've posted these things to do at the drive through somewhere here before, but it never hurts to share them again. All of these were done by various co-workers a few summers ago:
Ask if they have diet water. Ask them to "make it with love." If it's not Burger King, ask for a Burger King Crown. Stress that you would like your order to go. Remind the voice on the other end of the intercom of this throughout your order.
I feel like there were some others, but I can't remember what they were right now.
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
Oh man, all of this stuff is great, I might have to try it out with my friends.
Something I've been wondering for a while is, is it against the law in any way if a bunch of friends and I walk into a 24 hour store at 2am wearing mostly black/shady looking stuff, possibly a couple ski masks (during winter of course), and then just walk to the the check out, and buy a pack of gum (or something along those lines)?
You all are probably hanging your heads low and shaking them about thinking about how bad of an idea that is.
Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Instead of wearing all black, how about dressing up into costumes and have 10 of your friends all line up to buy one pack of gum, all in costume. Less dangerous then wearing clothes that look like they belong to a criminal.
Posts: 853 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Be careful with this one (and only do it if you are single and the clerk isn't wearing a ring, but is cute, and etc you get the idea).
Fold your bills in half or quarter, hold it deep in your palm. Wait until the clerk holds out hand for money. Instead of giving money, put your *hand*--palm up--in clerk's hand (which is palm up) and make clerk take money out of your hand. Be sure to smile flirtatiously.
Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Do NOT wear a mask that covers your face into any convenience store (or a bank or doctor's office, pharmacy, etc.). In some communities this is actually against the law. More importantly, making the person behind the counter nervous is a pretty stupid idea as they may have a gun.
Doing this in the South, especially, would be a dumb idea as the rules on what a person considers "life threatening" may be lax enough to allow them them to shoot at you without much in the way of silly provocation on your part.
Of course, being dead, you wouldn't much care if they got a light sentence or not...
Yep...not a good idea.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
When ordering at a fast food restaurant, ask for your burgers using the metric system. IE: Instead of asking for a 1/4 lb cheeseburger, ask for a 337.5 gram cheeseburger.
Also ask about the fat contents of each and every one of the things on the menu. If necessary, ask them to convert it to metric for you and tell them you're from another country and you're on a diet so you need to know.
Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote: I used to do this one to my little sister if we went to a store together. I'd feign deafness, and talk to her in sign language (well, mock sign language) and try to get her to translate for the clerks. She was never amused by this, and would get very annoyed with me and tell me to stop embarrassing her by signing in public. Of course, she ended up looking like a heartless monster
Tante -- my daughter, when reading this, said that if SHE had been your sister, instead of getting upset, she would have "translated" your sign language as random, nonsense words, and said "you aren't making sense" etc. as if you were also mentally impaired.
posted
Several years ago I got some friends into my car and we all went to all the fast food places in town and ordered their finest hamburger, hold the bun. At Taco Bell we ordered a bean burrito, hold the tortilla. No one had any idea how to respond, and they had to improvise some fairly creative ways of filling our orders.
Of course, that was before Atkins came along. Now they're all used to it, so it's not near as much fun anymore.
Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Go to Home Depot's plumbing department, find a clerk who looks new (preferably their first day,) and ask him if they carry Fallopian Tubes.
Posts: 681 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
My brother did this one once in a restraunt, kind of fun.
The waitress brought the check to him, he opened it up and looked at her, asking seriously. "I'm sorry miss, but could you cut this bill in half and then double it?"
The waitress never really got it, she would say things like "What do you want sir?", "Do you want two checks?" (He'd always reply, just cut it in half, then double it.) Eventually she just said something like 'we don't do that here, sir.' So he shrugged, dissapointed and paid it.
Posts: 1831 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Our big one in middle school was, when travelling out-of-state, asking where the bubbler was and then making the victim seem an idiot.
(For anyone not from Wisconsin or in the "know," a bubbler translates to a drinking fountain in most other civilized areas.)
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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posted
okay, here is what you do for fun: 1) sit in your car, on the freeway with sunglasses and a hairdryer, pointing it at passing cars and see how many slow down.
2)When you go to the drive thru, specify that your order is to go.
3)After getting cash from an ATM, start jumping around yell "I WON, I WON!!!"
guranteed hilarity will ensue
Posts: 31 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
ambyr, that actually gives me some perverse pleasure when I'm working. Some of the people who come into Starbuck's are so impatient that it makes me giggle inside when they have to wait a little longer.
Posts: 681 | Registered: Feb 2004
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"I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
posted
You gotta do what my dad does to my aunt if they go shopping together. You find the most outrageous box of Condoms OR you find the largest most outrageous Bra or Women's bloomers you can find (my aunt's barely a hundred pound little 5'2 inch twig, which makes it better) and when she's not looking, you slip it in her cart and hide it under other items until she goes to check out. Then he makes sure he's hidden from view when she does.
It's not to the clerk, but it sure is funny though.
UNRELATED to the thread: My dad also sold my sister a car with auto doors, trunk and an alarm. He only gave her one set of the keys and claimed he had lost the other ones years ago.
Then anytime he was out late and near their neighborhood (they live within 2 miles of each other so often) he would drive by and park up the street in the darkness, he'd pop the trunk, lock the doors and set off the alarm and watch the festivities. One night my cousin (in his 20's) came out tentatively with a large SPOON for a weapon. Big man with a spoon. Then for her birthday this year he gave her a present. The set of keys. It took her a minute to figure out what they were.
It was great.
BTW my dad's in his mid 50's with 2 grandchildren(my two boys) and he gave them to her on her birthday a few months ago.
Posts: 1533 | Registered: Sep 2004
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That reminds me of a Walter Matthau movie where he would take this little kid over to their neighbor's house and ADD gas to the guy's tank. The man would crow about the amazing mileage his car got. They did it for weeks. Then they started siphoning the gas out.
Ask for paper because it's recyclable, but then ask that it be double-bagged in plastic in case it rains.
Buy 27 tubes of Preparation H and pick the longest line. Act agitated. When you get a customer or so away, scream and run out.
A friend of mine has plans if he ever wins the lottery. He wants to run into a car lot with a paper bag full of cash and ask for the fastest car on the lot while looking over his shoulder a lot.
Go into a drug store and buy a condom. Leave. Go back in a half hour later, a bit more dissheveled. Buy another. Leave. Repeat at half hour intervals, looking more and more wiped out. Start adding products to your condom purchase each time; whipped cream, an Ace bandage, chocolate, energy drinks, Tylenol, scarves, those little amphetamine packs they sell truckers... Stagger occasionally. Finally, after every employee in the store is waiting to see what happens next, send in your partner -- who looks completely refreshed and chipper -- to buy a final condom and some BenGay.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I had a friend in HS who would always order a "Large". "A Large what?" "Yes."
Personally, I always liked to order Tuna Melts "With Extra Dolphin." Which raised the ire of one environmentally concious subway employee to the point of irrationality. "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A DOLPHIN?" she demanded.
posted
I was watching Jay Leno the other night and one of his guests said he did this while in a shopping mall with his wife...
As you are walking calmly through a crowded mall stop suddenly and turn around as if someone was about to attack you from behind...9 times out of 10 the person behind you will do the same.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote: "I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
When I was in high school I used to make small purchases with $2 bills. You'd be amazed how many times you get over-changed by $18.00 doing that.
posted
I generally think it's better not to torture store clerks, since they're generally working a crappy job for crappy wages.
Posts: 4077 | Registered: Jun 2003
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Although I hate to agree with such a kill-joy, Megan is right. Let's have a little compassion for the workers of the world, and stop acting like such bourgeois, elitist pigs. Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
On the other hand, a good joke can really break up the monotany of an otherwise boring job. Swapping stories about obnoxious or stupid customers is what makes the customer service field go 'round.
Just try not to do it when they're really busy and there's a line behind you.
quote:I generally think it's better not to torture store clerks, since they're generally working a crappy job for crappy wages.
I've been wanting to say that since this thread started, but I didn't want to be the one to look like I was on a high horse. Being a store clerk is a really crappy job to begin with. I worked last summer as a grocery store cart guy (I wasn't even a clerk, and I had no official interaction with customers), and I received more than my share of abuse from arsehole customers as it was. I hardly need to mention how much worse it automatically is if you're actually the clerk, doing nothing but dealing with customers all day every day.
So yeah, a lot of these concepts are funny as abstract ideas (and the coming back for more condoms thing is actually pretty harmless, and at worst would give the clerk a weird story to tell his friends), but I would be pretty appalled at anyone who did most of these in real life. A store clerk's job is hard enough as it is without having thoughtless jerks come in and play pranks on them just for half a moment of amusement.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: "I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
When I was in high school I used to make small purchases with $2 bills. You'd be amazed how many times you get over-changed by $18.00 doing that.
--Enigmatic
I made a bet with my friend at the begining of highschool (last year) that I would only pay for things in the school with $2 bills, and Sacs(what my friends and I call the Sacajawea coins). It's sorta funny when I buy stuff in the school store, since students work there, they are like whoa is this real? And then they call everyone else whos working in the store over to show them. And for the Sacs, they always think it's a quarter, and then do a double take.
Speaking of cool coins, It's so much more convinient to use $1 and $2 coins, like in Canada and Europe. I don't know why the US has such a problem adopting to that.
Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
You mean you want to carry more coins than we already do? Not me; banknotes are a lot more convenient than pocket change. I wish we had banknotes for amounts of less than a dollar!
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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