posted
Your views are yours, and just because someone else chooses to do otherwise doesnt mean that its stupid, its just a different choice. People in India dont eat cows... but how many americans could live without that? its not stupid, just different
Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Well, you can't prove to someone they're stupid. Knowing one is stupid is the beginning of wisdom, so once that's known they're not stupid anymore.
Which means they're wrong about being stupid, which probably makes them stupid again.
posted
What if you can't technically get married though? I for one hate the notion of having sex with a person you barely know, but when one is desparate... they do the most illogical things. But still, having sex with a total stranger seems so... icky.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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In mine = In my home. The possessive pronoun "mine" obviously doesn't refer to husband or people, so you move to the next closest noun. Hmm, I see that it is "home". Since it's logical that "mine" could refer to "home" it's okay to assume that it does. : P
posted
You know, some people would argue that it's stupid to get married to someone with the intent of spending the rest of your life with them, without first finding out if you're sexually compatible with each other. Your intended may be a cold fish in bed, and now you're stuck with a lifetime of bad sex because you didn't test the waters before you took the plunge.
Not that I'm supporting one course or the other, mind you. Just playing Devil's Advocate here.
(Edited to fix the unintentional and obnoxious repetition of 'advocate'.)
posted
That's your fault for not talking with them deeply and comprehensively about sex.
Reminds me of people who get married and suddenly realize their spouse doesn't want kids but you do. It's like, Did you *talk* before you got married?
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
But seriously, folks. Intelligent people can find out if they are "sexually compatible" without having sex. Anything you can't find out until after having sex should be unimportant and covered by love and compasion for your spouse.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I'm serious. It's easy to get sucked into the physical aspect of a relationship too early if you aren't committed to avoiding it, and getting physical is one of THE EASIEST ways to sidestep communicating. It's hard to think about politics and stuff when you're focused...well, focused is a bad word because it implies a use of the brain...but when you're too physically attentive.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:But seriously, folks. Intelligent people can find out if they are "sexually compatible" without having sex. Anything you can't find out until after having sex should be unimportant and covered by love and compasion for your spouse.
Not everyone's sole argument for having sex is for figuring out if they'll be a sexually compatible married couple. Many people do it because they want to.
quote:and getting physical is one of THE EASIEST ways to sidestep communicating.
I hope you aren't insinuating that people who have sex outside of marriage are always sidestepping communication. Sure, it's possible. It's possible to be in a non-sexual relationship and STILL be sidestepping communication. I have had no problems knowing and understanding my lovers beyond the physical sense.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote: Not everyone's sole argument for having sex is for figuring out if they'll be a sexually compatible married couple. Many people do it because they want to.
Psst. I think they use it as a justification because it *is* what they want to do. Alls I'm sayin' is that it is a pretty lame justification. Now, if you're just doing it because you want to, at least you are being honest.
quote:But seriously, folks. Intelligent people can find out if they are "sexually compatible" without having sex. Anything you can't find out until after having sex should be unimportant and covered by love and compasion for your spouse.
Not to mention that theoretically, anyone who truly was the right spouse in all other ways could, with patience and compassion, be taught how to "behave" in bed.
I can understand (and argue for) both sides. Like I said, Devil's Advocate. Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Suneun, I come from a position that, when you are thinking about sex, you aren't thinking about anything else.
Also, I believe that new lovers are generally going to be focused on sex. Now, as time wears on and sex wears out, you'll get back to the talking and learning. And there may even be a few nuggets of learning in the middle here and there. But I will defend the position that there isn't much thinking going on when one is worried about getting lucky.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote: Not to mention that theoretically, anyone who truly was the right spouse in all other ways could, with patience and compassion, be taught how to "behave" in bed.
Mmmmm, mmmmm. The lovely truth.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote: when you are thinking about sex, you aren't thinking about anything else
Baloney. The amount of random and non-related items that pop into my head while making out or having sex (even if it is excellent sex) are truly staggering. (And it didn't matter whether the relationship was young or more mature either.) On the other hand few people have as much difficulty trying to stop thinking as I do, so maybe I'm the exception and not the rule.
posted
Lets work with a hypothetical here. You're either a guy with a vasectomy, or a girl with your tubes tied (as the latter still has a moderately high rate of failure, focus on the rather reliable former), and you only have sex with someone you're in a long term relationship with, with each of you being tested for STDs before having sex, and at regular intervals throughout. Furthermore, the pill and condoms are in use. So we've reduced the chance of getting pregnant, ever, to rather less than the chance of getting struck by lightning and dying (or any of several other really bad things). Is it still stupid to have sex before marriage? If so, why?
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
I mostly agree with PSI. If you get too physical too early on in a relationship, then the ability of the two to really get to know each other suffers.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I still feel like sex discourages thinking for the more enjoyable romanticizing. (sp?) Not just during sex, but in general. It's easy to think you're deep in love with the person, to the point where you are less concerned about how you'd fare in a marriage.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:I mostly agree with PSI. If you get too physical too early on in a relationship, then the ability of the two to really get to know each other suffers.
I think this is an insulting generalization. Even if you could set up a study and discover that X percentage of premarital sex couples have Y knowledge/understanding of each other while X+20 percentage of no-premarital couples have Y knowledge/understanding of each other, you will NEVER find that all couples of one are better than all couples of the other.
Does that make sense?
I totally and COMPLETELY disagree with your apparent statement that it is impossible for my relationship to be As Beautious as your relationship because I have premarital sex.
This is, in a nutshell, the same kind of argument seen in other places. That a gay loving relationship can not be As Beautious as a straight loving relationship. Bullocks.
Please realize you are holding a most incredible condescending viewpoint with sweeping generalizations.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Feel free to replace "as beautious" with any other descriptors you'd like. My contention still stands.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I didn't say the things you are apparently hearing.
Let me say again what I believe. If a relationship gets too phyical too soon, then that relationship tends to become mostly about the physical aspect, and the rest of the relationship suffered.
I made no judgement call anybody else's relationship. I never said my relationship is better than anybody else's.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Mkay. I'll believe that you don't believe what I stated above. But there are others (not you) that _do_ believe that. And I'd like them to come forth if they're there.
So lets take the two situations:
a) You marry someone you've known for a year.
b) You have sex with someone you've been dating for three years. You get married after two more years.
How does the relationship in (b) suffer, especially when compared to (a)?
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Very good Fugu. The main reasons why sex before marriage is/was taboo is because of STD's and children.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Sex before marriage is a pretty stupid thing to do. Lots of risks, no benefit other than pleasure. Also on this list are things like eating chocolate, holding it in during a movie, driving a few blocks instead of walking, etc. etc.
I've got no qualms with him thinking it's stupid. Huge qualms with him saying nobody should ever do it as he is in sole possession of the knowledge of the path to happiness. Fortunately he's not saying that.
Sadly he hasn't posted in this thread in a while and the Hatrack Moral Authority (TM) has taken over.
You (and your partner) are homosexual. Most states (and maybe soon even the federal constitution - geesh, couldn't do ERA but can do this) don't allow you to marry. What to do?
Or - say I am married, can I have sex with anyone I want?
I am so confused....
Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Fugu, that is an interesting hypothetical. The answer depends on the person and their view of sex. It also has a great deal to do with their faith or lack thereof. Obviously there are plenty of people who don't think extra-marital sex is stupid.
If you want to know my own personal answer to your question, it is that I believe sex is a sacred gift from God, one that He intends for use between husband and wife. I believe it is both for reproduction and to bind husband and wife together in love and unity.
I also think that God knows how unrealistic it is to expect a large percentage of His children to actually live thus--given the powerful nature of the sex drive. But that doesn't change the fact that it is His requirement of those who would truly follow Him and receive His greatest blessings. He is also willing to forgive those who forsake and repent.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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