I'm tired and stressed and when I get that way I also get self-centered, insensitive and just plain stupid. I'm sorry for this...
Jim-Me
Edit to someone else: Dear You,
Learn to shut your damn mouth once in a while. Not everything you find funny is worth saying aloud. How many times do you have to do this before you learn? Do you just enjoy stepping on the toes of people who care about you and reveling in everyone's misery (including your own)? What more evidence do you need to prove you are stupid, short-sighted, and lazy?
No wonder people say they are glad you're gone. I would be, too, if I could rid myself of you.
I am afraid to try to talk with you until you initiate conversation or e-mail me...and...it seems like you never will...please tell me that this isn't goodbye forever...
Remember what I said last time? Screw it. I hope you are dead. Then you'd have a valid reason. I'm horribly irrational in my anger right now, but quite frankly, I don't give a flying frack. I'm sick and tired of you - or rather the lack of you.
You're more a sibling to me than my own sister most of the time - even though I've only known you a year - and I wish you'd fracking act like it. I wish I could hate you, but you are, after all, my brother. I'm angry at and sad with you, and I wish I could tell you and have you acknowledge it.
As it is, I'll just stew and wait for your perfectly crafted excuse.
A cheshire cat smiles the most when he is pleased with his malice. A face without a smile is more trustworthy than a smile without a face, because you never know for what it is smiling.
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Dear you, (I seem to be writing a lot of these... but this one's to someone new!)
I wish you had made that offer a month ago when it would have actually influenced my decision. I am very loathe to pass up full funding for grad school, but at this point, not even funding can change my mind.
I think. I need to hear from my parents first, but I have a feeling they're going to tell me to stick with my decision, no matter the cost.
posted
Dear you, Is there any requirement that these notes actually concern someone on Hatrack? Just curious. If so, would the addressee of Carrie's note about the full funding please email me? Thanks, Me
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Dear you, Thank you for all your help in the last several months. We are very greatful. Hope to one day be able to pass it on to someone else in need.
Thank you for your friendship all of last week. I don't think I deserved it, considering the way I've treated you over the past year. You put a great deal of time and effort into me, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I'm glad we've managed to keep our friendship alive, despite certain differences... or rather, you managed to keep it alive.
I hope it just continues to grow, having you as a friend is very dear to me, and I don't want to lose it again.
You keep trying to talk to me, and I don't know what to make of it. I'm not opposed to be acquaintances again, but I doubt I could ever trust you enough to be your friend--certainly not enough to see you in person again. I know the saying is "Forgive and forget." I've managed the first part, but the last part will never happen. You don't get to treat me the way you did and then be all buddy-buddy down the road. It doesn't work that way. It's not that you're unredeemable (although some of my friends might think so); it's just that you're not a person I want in my life. Your potential for control over me is far too great.
I'll always look back on those years with fondness and joy. I learned to be happy, and to feel wanted, and to make friends. Thanks for always making sure I was included.
posted
Dear You, I know that I'm not what you were expecting or hoping for. And I know I'm not perfect, and that my medical issues complicate things in a lot of ways. But I don't think you should decide for someone else before even meeting me.
Give me the benefit of the doubt, and I'll try to win you over when we do meet. And don't make him choose, because, even though he will choose you, he won't thank you for it.
I miss you so much. I know you won't see this, but I think about you all the time. Especially with current events that are really weighing hard on you and your family. I just wish I could be there beside you.
posted
I kind of like this idea. I'm going to give it a try:
Dear You,
I'm concerned about you. I hope that when you have troubles, you look for support both here on Hatrack, and out in the real world, where there are real people who can actually give you real help. All those parentheses (hugs) may be comforting, but in the end, it is not going to solve your problem. I'm rooting for you.
I feel like you're withdrawing yourself from me. Like you think I've found someone who can take your place, and now you're free to disappear. That isn't true. I love you and miss you and I want you to stay with me forever.
Dear You Do you remember when you said I was like a brother to you? How I had said you were like a sister to me? I don't know about you, but I meant it with every ounce of my existence. Now I don't even know you, how far you've drifted, it's as if after *her* you just gave up on life. I know how much it hurt you, God it nearly killed me and I had nothing to do with it, but this is too much. The drugs, the alcohol, the casual sex (yes I know about all of it) it's a small town dear, you can't walk across the street without me knowing about it. Threats? You threatened to have him shot? Then you were suprised when he had a car circling your house watching for you to make a move. What do you just expect him to sit around while you do someting drastic and stupid? He was right to leave you, friend, you threw away everything good you had going, for what? for "fun"? Your "fun" sickens me. I'm so worried about you, and I know you couldn't give two s**ts about me. How long until I read your name in the obituaries? How long until I mourn your death as well?
Sincerely never coming back your dead brother
Posts: 83 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
(and now for something completely different)
Dear you,
WOO!!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! I'm a TA!!! I honestly had no idea this was coming, and I'm sorry I don't have my passport with me, but I promise it's coming! You're giving me full tuition AND money on top of it! I'm SO excited! Spending four hours a day in Latin class this summer was actually WORTH something!!!
You're my new favourite person in the ENTIRE WORLD!!!!
posted
Dear You, I've never lived with anyone who was a stranger to me before. I am very afraid to have a roomate I don't know. Especially now that I have a cool boyfriend who bought me an Xbox, a Tivo, a computer, and a big tv. Please, you, don't steal my stuff or kill me or hurt my dog. I am very afraid of you...but I like your rent money.
I almost take it all back. I don't know what I'm doing! I've never taught a class before! I don't even know what the class IS! I'm still excited, but this is a crapload to take in during one day.
It's ten years to the day tonight. I don't know what made me think of it.
I miss you.
I still have all your letters, you know that? They're in a box in the closet in Sophie's room. Christy's read them all, although I'll admit to feeling really weird -- nervous and twitchy and self-conscious -- when I found out she'd done it.
I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry. I should have known, and I didn't. I should have done a lot of things differently that night, and I didn't.
I'm not mad at you anymore, if that's any consolation. I feel a little guilty sometimes that things are going so well for me, for the most part; money's occasionally tight nowadays and I'm a little stressed, but I married somebody wonderful (who wears pink(!) sometimes; don't ask me how that happened) and have a daughter who makes my heart grow a full size every day just by being. I'm still in computers; the world hasn't exactly beaten down my door to demand access to my poetry, and my dabbling in poli-sci has gelled into apathy. I've added two inches to my waistline, and they've got me on medication now that costs more per month -- even after insurance -- than I was paying in rent back when you knew me. Heck, I'm paying more per week for Sophie's daycare than either of us were paying for rent, and it hasn't bankrupted me yet. It's weird to be middle-aged. I don't feel it, except when I start to think about how incredibly middle-aged I am.
I thought for a long time that I'd be dead by 30. We used to laugh about it. It was so incredibly far-away; it was something impossible. You once told me it was unfair that people had to be 35 to run for President, because souls dried up like raisins around the age of 28.
I would love to be talking to you like this over coffee. I would love it. Sophie would be struggling to unscrew the top of her sippy cup; your new pin-striped husband and my pink-wearing wife would be chatting in the kitchen about the impact of nitrogen runoff on the fishing industry in the Gulf of Mexico. You could tell me how awful it was to find your first grey hairs in the mirror.
You will never have grey hair. Never. Your soul will never, ever, have the chance to dry up like a raisin. And you'll never have to worry about whether or not I'm sufficiently liberal to deserve your vote for the presidency.
Okay, I guess I lied. I'm still mad at you. That was stupid.So freakin' stupid. What was I supposed to do by that point -- and was this really how you expected things to turn out?
My life sucked, too. And ten years later, I have even more problems -- and bigger problems than I had the last time we talked. But I'm happy, as impossible as I remember it seemed to us then.
I don't know whether you would have wound up happy. I can't tell. I don't think we would have been happy together; we had that discussion already, back when it was actually possible to have discussions. But you were smart and beautiful and as sharp a wit as I've met to this day, and I'm pretty sure you could have found something amusing to pass the time. And you were young. God. We felt so decrepit, so old, a decade ago. We were such incredibly stupid smart people.
And you, of all the stupid smart people I know, were one of the smartest. And clearly, as you're the only one who's not still around to have coffee with me, were also one of the stupidest. You told me you were leaving early to avoid the rush. Would you have believed that ten years later, we'd all still be here? Every single one? That most of the old crowd went to the reunion -- with the exception of Jen, who's married out in Portland, and Cathy, who's an English professor in Chicago, and Derek, who's grindingly unhappy at the mill and with his wife but has three kids he really loves? There was no rush. You were the first and last of our crew to take that particular train. We even elected another George Bush -- twice -- and invaded Iraq again, and there's rampant speculation that another Clinton might be running next time; such is the potency of our collective nostalgia.
You'd love it here, you know. It's everything you wanted and I am more than you ever dreamed I could be... and you gave this up?
Because of what? you were scared of being like your mother? I've told you, and I know you agree, that the only way to be like your mom is to do exactly what you are doing: refuse to face your issues and run away. That's what she did and that's why she's the unholy terror that she is. I don't want to see you become what you hate. I don't want to see you ruin yourself... you are capable of too much good for that.
And this guy... he's got predator written all over him. He's taking advantage of you. I hope that's all he does... but given what I know about him and what he's already done to you, I don't think that's his long term plan. I fear he wants to hurt you, deeply... worse than physically, even, though I fear that, too. You've given your entire emotional well-being to this guy, and it's evident to people who are only peripherally aware of the situation.
Completely in accordance with his plans, I have no doubt. I am afraid that he's going to crush your spirit, purposefully and gleefully. We already know he's a sadist... it just remains to be seen how much of one.
And, though it was a struggle for me to accept it... I know I am not that horrible. I know that giving me up was a mistake. I know that life as a single mother of 5 was not better than life with me, and definitely not better than life with me would be now. Plus you'd love the physical circumstances. You'd love the acreage and the fruit trees. You'd love the rural simplicity. Our credit would be nearly repared instead of totally shot... and I've already had a raise since moving here. Our standard of living would be so much higher than you were used to.
And I know for sure that I care more about you, even now, than that guy does.
Yet you chose this and you say you are so much happier now. I can't imagine the forces which have caused you to close your eyes against the obvious. I can't imagine that you would choose misery (you're not fooling anyone with your repeated assurances that you are happier this way) over working it through... but make no mistake I understand that much... you have chosen misery over your own work-- not over me.
I don't understand it. You know where happiness and health lie, but you are afraid to grasp it. Afraid to trust that someone might really love you... because that means exposing yourself to the idea that they might really *not* love you. But why is life without love any more acceptable by making it your choice... by refusing to receive it? Why is it better to have no love at all (and just play at it instead with your sex games and make believe) than to have real love from some and recognize that you don't have it from others?
Your call... I can't-- I won't-- make myself responsible for what you have chosen to do...
But I do care and I hope you'll reconsider. Not because I want you back, but because you will be so much better off if you get help.
I wish you the best. I suppose I'll always love you. But I cannot be bound to you anymore. If it were in my power to save you, I would try, but as it is, I can only be dragged down with you.
And I won't do that just for the sake of going down with the ship. I will not let you ruin my life just because you want to ruin yours. I hope someday you realize that this doesn't mean I don't love you. I hope someday you remember that all this was *your* choice, not mine. I hope someday you find the strength to face the mirror and straighten out the reflection.
I really do wish you well, Jim
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Thanks for having those many endless conversations with me. I sometimes feel like you are the only person who can really understand me. I think I am falling in love.
That comment and the look into my eyes last night made me tear up. Actually, I downright cried. Did you notice? Probably, you notice everything. What you said meant a lot to me and because you're the person you are, I actually believe you.
I didn't realize how much I needed to hear it, until Laura had to bring me a tissue. Thanks, I do believe that you're right.
The last time we talked I totally freaked out, the things you were saying were just scaring me, and I haven't had the courage yet to call you and say we should hang out, it just has to happen, like it's always happened before. If I do work up the courage, we really should be friends, we should hang out, see what happens, maybe be more, but maybe not. But as it is, I'm ok being a bit lonely.
Thanks for not stealing my stuff when you moved in. I really appreciate that. Also, thanks for not killing me in my sleep (yet). Please please please take out the darn trash once in a while! Wash your dishes because I am sick of cleaning up after you. Stop hating my dog, he is old and can't help being the way he is. I am angry that I have to keep my poor baby locked away in my room all day now just because you can't handle a little pee on the tile now and then. Be a man! Clean it up. I clean up after you... Thanks again for the rent money that lets me work only 1 job. (jerk) Your Roomate, Me
Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2005
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You smell like poo And glue You look blue Did you forget to chew? I never knew That you Could do What you do Is that spew? Ew. Will you sue The U of U For how much your belly grew When that term paper was due Thats some stress on you. Don't puke on que You shouldn't spew Just do the dew And nothing new People like you Are far to few Enjoy the view.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I'm writing this here because I know you won't see it, and I know that PMing you, which is what I was going to do at first, will only make it worse.
I know it's just a internet forum. I guess you think that makes it "not real". But do you seriously not realize that the things you keep saying to me are hurtful? The whole argument over eggs started it, I know, but it seems that since then you've been seeking me out and disparaging things I say, other than that one thread where we managed to talk peaceably. It's not what you say-- you're entitled to your opinion (although I was totally right about the eggs, you were just being stupid and I think everyone knew it)-- but how you say it.
And before you say "I was laughing, trying to keep things light" again, putting a bunch of smileys or a little "LOL" at the end of a hurtful sentence does not make it less hurtful! You get mad at me when I use the same tone towards you, and accuse me of being "nasty", but refuse to acknowledge the nastiness you are directing at me.
Cut it out. Just cut the crap, seriously. I enjoy my time at this forum, and I'm not happy that you're making it less enjoyable. It's not fair of you to do this, and I don't see you doing it to other people. So cut it out.
posted
O.k... my first post here! Dear You, You are a great friend. I'm so grateful that you dated my best friend... 10 years ago and that we've stayed friends all this time! I think of you as my brother. Thank you for always making me feel special. Did you get the message I left on your birthday? I love you a lot and I'm glad your life is going so well. Love, Me P.S. I finally joined this forum, are you happy now?
Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
I like this idea, one more. Dear You, I was so in love with you. Did you know that? I would have done anything for you, I was so young and foolish. Now, although we are friends, you make me sick. Do you know that your girlfriend, who is a poor man's version of me, calls me all the time crying because of how horrible you are? You think she's so wonderful because she's your slave but it's all fake and you're too blind to see it. She's going to hate you someday when you've just beaten her down too much. I am so lucky you ended things with me because now I am so happy and married to the greatest man alive. I appreciate that you are honest about the fact that you only broke up with me because I was too perfect, too much just what you really wanted, and that you knew if we'd stayed together we would have been together forever... you're right and I'm so glad that's not the case. Me
Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2005
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What, are we in highschool again? I thought I was done with annoying cliques back then, but here you are, doing it now when we're all grown up. This is just like what happened with Starcie, only I can't talk to you about it. I'm really great at coming up with all sorts of mean, insulting things to say to people, but when it comes down to it, I'm nice and I just can't say them. Besides, you are nice too, not to mention I know you're going through a hard time right now. So instead, I'll just be nice and you'll never know how you made me feel inferior.
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