posted
Oooh! I just read back a page and realized there's another Stan Rogers fan in this thread! (Although I really like his historical and nautical stuff best.)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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You are the most patient human being I have ever met. Sometimes, just thinking about you makes me cry out of this inexplicable, overwhelming feeling that I can't describe or explain or even decide if it's good or bad or happy or sad. Thank you so much.
I sound pissed, but I'm really more sad than anything. I DO think I deserve an apology, but I still want to make nice and go back to friendland again. Wherever it is we are now, sucks.
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You were right. I look around at what's happening and I thank God it wasn't me. I promise I'll listen from now on. I'm going to be careful. But, please, can you stop treating me like that? I'm not a baby anymore. Can I choose a few things for myself? I'll always need you, but I have to grow up. I know you just want me to be safe, and I will, but could you take a step back and watch me learn? And step forward when I need you. I still love you, but I wish you knew when to be there.
I'm sorry that we are facing such tough compromises. It's so hard to choose between a dream for yourself or someone you love. I know I've never had to do anything more difficult.
We've been best friends for four years now! I remember all the times you came over. We would play the funniest games! The I would go over to your house We had to be quiet because it was late and your parents were asleep. But we would watch TV and play Truth or Dare. Remember all those weird quizzes we'd make up? They made us laugh and cry. Then we grew up. Only, I already had. You became the popular girl who was into make-up and boys. I was still the girl who sang, played trumpet, and never wore make-up to school. You always told me to loosen up and try a few girly things. I did. Thank you for that. I tried to help you grow up and be mature. But I don't know if it'll help. We never told each other what we were doing, but I think part of us rubbed off on the other. It's like I said in your yearbook 'We change so much but stay BFFs forever!' But you're not my best friend. You went past that two years ago. You're my sister. Now and forever, even if we live on opposite ends of the Earth.
Talk to me! I'll listen! Teach me something! You're my dad. Ask me why I don't smile. For real this time. I do smile. You never see it. Remember your workshop? I like it. I like making things. Haven't you seen the mini house I made? It's not perfect, but I like making it. I like building things. Teach me how to make them. Tell me a story. Go for a bike ride with me. Debate or even argue with me! Talk to me! I'll listen to you! Show me how to do everything. Teach me how to make a garden. Or use a saw. Or a power tool. Or an automatic hammer. I want to learn how to use them! I want you to teach me something. Please.
Thanks for putting up with my (expletive deleted) for three years of full torment and 15 of regular stuff before I got it together. Without the support in , belief in and love for me that you had there's no way I would have made it.
I've tried so many ways to say thanks, to prove to you that I'm what I 'should' be, but they seem foolish and insubstantial.
So now I'm saying it to You. Not some friend I wax prolific to about what you’ve meant to me, I’m saying it to You. Just You. Not 'Johnny Specific', not 'BFFL', not 'Mom', not 'Dad', not anyone but You. And here it is...
I Love You and Appreciate You for standing by me when I needed it most and wanted it least. I look back and wonder how you could even tolerate my foolish comments and (seemingly only to me) rational decision. Without your borrowed strength, who knows where I'd be. Without your perseverance, who knows what I'd be. Without your love, who knows who I'd be.
I worry so much about you. You try to push me away, when all I want to do is to help you, nurture you, make things better. You love Green Day's "I Walk Alone" because it speaks to you, and what you feel. Can't you let me walk with you? You don't need to be alone. I love you.
You tell me that you can't just turn on feelings for me, and I understand that. What you need to understand is that I also cannot simply turn feelings "off" for you. So while it may cause you some pain, for my own sanity, so long.
posted
FYI, Tante, that song is called Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I'm not sure if that makes it better, or worse. :/
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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You're fun to hang out with and I have enjoyed the past week wherein we've gotten to know each other quite well. We've watched some good films and episodes of "Horatio," and had some excellent conversations - and that burrito the other night was awesome.
Unfortunately for everyone concerned, you're a bit of a downer - and extraordinarily self-obsessed. Also, your attitude towards people is... disturbing.
It's the latter that concerns me the most.
You are, of course, entitled to your opinions and feelings about people. Whether or not they're justified isn't even my concern. Public tirades and "secret" rumours are ridiculous and childish - you make me feel like I've never left high school. You claim that others are the source of our department's drama, but they're not entirely to blame.
As a matter of fact, it's you. And your obstinance. And your refusal to listen to anyone else.
If you would knock it the frack off, I'd probably be willing to finish watching "Horatio" with you. As it stands, you'll be fracking lucky if you see another episode. And don't even think I'll be willing to share my precious little comps study time with you, even though you're the only other one going through the same experience.
I'll let tomorrow decide. If you don't lambast me for having gone to the going-away party, I'll think about being nice.
I love you both and I am incredibly happy for you two. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to thank you enough for suggesting I come. It was a really, really wonderful night. I hope you have a wonderful honeymoon and I look forward to hearing from you when you get back.
I miss you but I have to live my life in a way that gets me where I want to go. I love you, but not enough to give that up, and I don't think you really want me to. But I just hope that you can learn to live without me because otherwise you are going to have a very lonely year. Please try to make new friends!
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