posted
I'm 6'0" and I've dated one girl who was about 3" taller than me. Stockier and stronger than me, too. Neither of those was ever a problem except for one incident that I won't relate on a family forum.
I also dated a girl who was not quite my height, but close enough that when we went out she was usually a bit taller given our respective choice of shoes. Being that close was pretty good for height issues, since I've had to stoop to kiss most of the girls that I've dated, overall. I also second what was said about tall girls usually having really nice legs.
So, um, just how tall are you, Narnia?
Edit: Okay, so that was answered while I was typing. (And I could make a really dirty comment about Sopwith's answer, just for the record.)
posted
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
Sure. Uh, if it's a girl, I mean. I'm not really into girl/guys.
If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?
No.
If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)
Nope. As a short guy, I would never limit my number of potential dates that way. The shortest girl I've dated about about 5'1", the tallest about 5'10" (and I had a really close friend in high school who was just under six foot--never dated her, but would've been glad to--she was a sharp girl).
Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?
Heh. I've had a fair number of girls not want to date me because I'm short. Does it bug me? Well, sure. But part of becoming a self-actualized person is learning how to say "her loss" and mean it (for the most part, at least). Honestly, it boggles my mind that some people would let such a relatively unimportant physical aspect affect their choice of, well, anything--from a casual date to a spouse.
Posts: 1068 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
If I was constructing some sort of purely theoretical fantasy girl she would absolutely be shorter than I am. But, while my "type" may be shorter women, I'm also happy to get involved with people who don't fit that type perfectly. As is the case with most people.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dante, you ought to report those incidences to the Dating Board and at least get some more justice into the system.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
afr, the thing is that it's the rule rather than the exception. Height is an immensely important factor for many women--one of the determining ones for a lot of them, in fact. The Dating Board would be powerless to stop it, I'm afraid.
But, look, we all know this whole thread is a just a way for Narnia to dance around the question of whether I'd date her or not (or possibly Narnia at pH's request). The answer is simple, ladies--of course. Come on over. There's enough Dante to go around.
Posts: 1068 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I confess that I am one of those guys who would have a problem with having a girlfriend who is taller than me. I think it might even bother me if she were the same height. There's this block in my mind that says a girlfriend has to be shorter.
On the other hand, if I were in love with a girl like that, things like that would probably get forgotten. And if they weren't, I would probably feel guilty enough for feeling like that to make a conscious effort to go against it, so...
On the overweight question, now. Well, I'm not terribly attracted to very skinny girls in the first place. I mean, fat is not good either, but I have no problem with "pleasantly plump", or "roundishly slim". A woman has to have curves, and that's final.
Do I deserve to be pelted with rotten tomatoes?
Posts: 109 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm just curious how you'd get to the "in love" stage with a girl who was taller than you, given that you think girlfriends have to be shorter. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hmmmm. I give you "seriously in like" online, rivka, but I think people actually falling in love online are few and far between. Dana and Bob had met in person before they ever considered dating. Quids and Fahrim are an example of that few and far between, but they did talk to each other via webcam before meeting, so they knew each other's speech patterns, mannerisms, and yes, how they looked.
*shrug* d_h, falling in love had always been a process for me, not a love-at-first-sight sort of thing. Lust at first sight, sure, but that's different. So I do think you have quite a lot of choice but to go along with it against your better judgment. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yup, we knew how each other looked, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the overweight, and it didn't stop us, but I'll agree that we are the exception to the rule.
It also helped that he had two or three years of blog entries, short stories, and such online that I could read, so his personality was transparent. Oh yeah, and his resume and references. I even Googled him, and there was a lot about him online. He didn't have as much to read about me, but evidently, that didn't matter.
Would I recommend our "dating" choices to others? No, can't say that I would. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out? Sure. Myself, I don't like really tall guys, because in that case, the most I can say is that they have spectacular nostrils. But I like boys a bit taller than me.
If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person? I think I just answered that, essentially.
If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?) Erm . . . Six inches taller would be a lot.
Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is? A bit, yeah. I don't think that should really matter so much, except in preliminary stages of deciding attraction.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
So guys dating guys...tell me how this works for you? You obviously aren't dealing with the gender stereotypes (like the man should be bigger and able to 'protect' the woman etc.) Do you find any specific trends with guys you have dated? (Karl you mentioned that you're pretty tall, so most guys you date are shorter right?)
I don't know, it just seems like a guy wouldn't mind so much if the guy he was dating was shorter or taller, but I imagine some men have a preference.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Narnia -- you'd be surprised how gender stereotyped some gay communities are. Its not segregated by sex, though, but by selection among one of several "roles" (typically). Gender typing is far harder to escape than sexuality typing.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:d_h, falling in love had always been a process for me, not a love-at-first-sight sort of thing.
Of course it's a process. Only usually, I'm so far down it by the time I realize it, it's too late to do anything about it once I wake up to the fact, and I am dragged kicking and screaming into it whether I want to or not. That's all I mean.
I don't know about love at first sight. It's a nice concept, but I sorta doubt it exists.
Posts: 609 | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
As a girl who is just a little under six foot, it is nice to hear that most men do not have a problem with tall women. I would prefer to date a man that is taller then me, but I would also like to marry Orlando Bloom.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
As a girl who's about 5'10" without shoes (I don't own heels) I have to admit that I prefer guys who are taller than me. I won't completely rule out men who are shorter, but they would have to be rather special for me to consider them. My ideal, as long as I'm dreaming, would be a guy considerably taller than me, like 6'5" or more, but really as long he's near my height or taller it wouldn't make a huge difference in my decision to date him.
Posts: 349 | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Narnia: So guys dating guys...tell me how this works for you? You obviously aren't dealing with the gender stereotypes (like the man should be bigger and able to 'protect' the woman etc.) Do you find any specific trends with guys you have dated? (Karl you mentioned that you're pretty tall, so most guys you date are shorter right?)
I don't know, it just seems like a guy wouldn't mind so much if the guy he was dating was shorter or taller, but I imagine some men have a preference.
I'm not entirely sure I understand the specifics of fugu13's response, but I don't disagree with him. In the "gay community" (or rather "Among the gay people I've known"), many gay men seem to have specific types that attract them. Some like men who are more "nelly" (i.e. stereo-typically feminine) and some like men who are more "boyish" (i.e. younger than they, probably thinner, probably little body hair). These people, I'd guess, might want someone shorter than they, but I'm only guessing this as a broad inclination, not any kind of rule. Other gay men like "daddy" types (Older looking, masculine, men). These might prefer taller men (with the same caveats as above).
Then there are gay men like me. I like men. Period. I find a guy more physically attractive to the degree he is masculine. However, I am emotionally more drawn to guys who have a softer personality. Fortunately for me, there are lots of gay men who fit that bill. (Or more correctly, fortunately for me I found someone who complements me nearly perfectly, and he happens to be physically masculine and have a sweet, kind, cuddly personality.) Chris is shorter than me by almost a head, but I'd love him just as much if he were a head taller. And I'd have dated him either way, too.
(Does that answer the question?)
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Narnia, I've actually been glad I wasn't taller, because I know I'd then have more of a height issue if I was dating Steve.
It's an interesting problem. They talk about symmetry being an issue in mate selection on the discovery channel, as well as waist to hip proportions, and I believe they have looked at height in guys, but not necessarily in women. It's that weird combination of nature and nurture. Tall women do make better models and actresses for the camera if they are rail thin, but that and women's athletics are the only places where they are truly viewed as attractive which doesn't leave a lot of room for the other 95% of the worlds tall women.
There *is* more of a cultural stigma with a tall woman dating a shorter man than the reverse.
I think part of the problem is that in the fairy tales be they in print or on TV we always have been told we females should want someone "tall, dark and handsome" who can sweep you off your feet. We have been told (probably partially by nature) that we *should* want someone who is physically strong, because physical strength is equated to sucess. You also want someone who can carry your unconcious body out of a burning building.
Steve and I have discussed this at length. Why is it always the unconscious female that gets carried out in the stories, when there is equal likelihood of it being the guy? (falling beams and the like being random occurances) (Firefly is the only major exception I can think of, and even then I'm not sure if it's equal.) So, if you do date a shorter guy, one of the perks is that when he gets knocked out and you have to drag him unconcious from the burning building it will be considerably easier.
posted
Hmm. While Fahim isn't that tall on the western scale (he's 5'11.5" - and yes, that half an inch is very important), by Sri Lankan standards, he's a giant. I seem to have scored.
My personal mantra, however, is a slightly expanded version. Tall, dark, handsome, and hairy chested.
When I was in high school a friend of mine gave me a t-shirt that depicted a "film noir" style figure in a trench coat -- only it was a cow. The shirt read "tall, dark, and mooooooody." I was indeed pretty moody in high school, though at the time I thought it was funny because my friend included a note with the "tall, dark, and... well, two out of three ain't bad" bit. And I had a cow-style pencilcase.
However, the "dark" in AJ's fairy tales seems to me to refer to hair colour, since "tall, dark, and handsome" men in such stories invariably seem to possess a pallor similar to my own.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
One of my all time favorite studies is of women and their rating of a group of men. The women were shown head shots and given data about the men's education, income, weight, height, interests, etc. The only variable that women consistently discriminated against was height. If the person was short, they said they didn't want to date them and making them attractive rich doctors didn't change that. Men could overcome low income or education or could be 'ugly', but short was a deal breaker.
Of course, the same study had a male version. I, of course, have conveniently forgotten any details about that side.
BTW...I'm 5'11, but I was under 5 feet when I turned 15. I thought of myself as short until I was about 25, so the study was very depressing to see.
Posts: 317 | Registered: Sep 2001
| IP: Logged |
I have a number of friends in the GLBT community locally, and attend various events. One that struck me in particular was a panel of two transsexual people, one male to female (post-op), and one female to male (successful hormone therapy and breast removal). The woman is late middle-aged and only transitioned in the last few years, while the guy is a college student.
The guy wasn't sure how he'd express his gender and sexuality in a freer society, but in our society he felt best in the gay male slot, specifically effeminate gay male, and unsurprisingly, that's how pretty much everyone he meets (who doesn't know more about him) reacts to him. He's also a bit into the leather community.
However, since he still has a vagina, this has introduced some interesting questions as he's gotten close to guys. He does like vaginal sex (unsurprising, most people like sex with whichever sex organs they happen to have, even if unsatisfied with their gender), but for many gay guys this creates issues in their attraction for him (not all, though, he's had a relationship or two that worked for a while). He doesn't see the need to go through the full surgery, being satisfied with his gender and sexuality as they stand, but he definitely doesn't fit into any of the clearly defined nooks people slot others into.
But he does see a lot of rejection from some parts of the gay community, when they find out.
The woman, who except for an adam's apple and a slightly masculine face (though still fairly attractive, and she looks younger than the 50+ she is) is externally physically female experiences widespread rejection in some ways, too. There's a music festival for women only that's very friendly to lesbians, but has an incredibly strict no male-to-female transsexual policy, for instance.
There's a gay man of some importance in local city government who continually resists the city adding a clause against gender identity discrimination to city hiring policy (there are clauses against sexuality discrimination).
Even in the transsexual community there're a lot of odd gender pressures, apparently, with groups going each direction pressuring trans people to be as "trans as they can be" -- hyper feminine or hyper masculine, depending.
Just thought I'd share some interesting information I encountered on the whole subject of gender, sexuality, and identity.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:BanaOJ: They talk about symmetry being an issue in mate selection on the discovery channel, as well as waist to hip proportions, and I believe they have looked at height in guys, but not necessarily in women.
I've seen some shows like this. In the ones I've seen the data was mostly gathered by having people look at photos of various people and rate them in terms of attractiveness. I've even taken some tests like that. The thing is, I believe this may only have validity for extreme basic-instinct type attraction. I would be a little surprised if this bore out in the real world.
The bottom line is most of us are thinking people. Even though there may be instinctual reactions to symmetry and height/weight differences in potential lovers, most of us (I hope) take into account a wide range of other factors in determining who to date.
That said, I'm not discounting that there might be some evolutionarily based impetus for women to like taller men and men to like shorter women, but being the sentient species we are, I suspect those aspects don't play as firm a role in the general populace as TV and fairy tales would lead you to believe.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
fugu, I think that's very sad and speaks ill of those members of the gay community. It's hard to expect people to give up their prejudices against you if you are unwilling to do the same for others.
For that matter, though, I know quite a few misogynistic gay guys (unfortunately). Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Of course, everyone who came to the panel discussion, which included many of the leaders of local GLBT organizations, was very supportive .
Interestingly, the woman had a pretty darn easy time transitioning on the job . . . as an ex-navy civilian electrical engineer on Crane naval base.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know this is a little out of context for the current conversation, but I wanted to toss it in anyway.
I'm about 5'11" (I've tried claiming the extra .5, but I usually get laughed to scorn) and I've dated a couple taller women.
In fact, one of them was Narnia.
I have a vague memory (probably not my own -- I'm sure she reminded me of this conversation some time later, as is usually the case) of telling her flippantly, jokingly, not long after we met, that I'd date her except she was taller than I was. Little did I know what far-reaching consequences that would have.
I'd have to say that I'm probably less likely to approach a taller woman if I don't know her at all or anything about her, but my experience is that once I get to know her, the height issue doesn't really mean much.
If I imagine a scenario in which I'm dating a woman significantly taller than I am (4 or 5 or 6 inches), the thought actually makes me a little uncomfortable. My hope is that when it comes to actual interpersonal interaction height won't an issue for me, and my experience seems to support that notion. I get this fear sometimes that maybe I'm shallow, and that thought really bothers me. I guess that's my insecurity. I'd suggest you ask Narnia, but I'm not sure I want to know her answer.
posted
Karl Ed, it was interesting, the last show of the type I watched, on one of the sciency channels, the female waist to hip ratio actually does indicate higher fertility when you look at large scale population statistics throughout a wide varieties of ethnicities.
They also looked at the same ratios on a bunch of "beautiful women" since photography was invented, and they are pretty consistent. Marilyn Monroe and Twiggy actually have similar 0.7 waist to hip ratios.
However I agree that what is inside is what counts. On the other hand, not everyone requires an equal intellectual balance or depth in their relationships.
Another thing of late that has been amusing me, is what happens after 3 or 4 generations of wealthy men have married beautiful women. For example look at Agustus Busch IV on the TV commercials. Or the Fords. Let's just say there is a distinct improvement in symmetry etc. in a couple of generations. It appears sometimes the keen insight that made their ancestor wealthy does sometimes linger around as well. But sometimes it doesn't, or we might not have so many reality TV shows.
posted
I don't have any problem with women taller than me, and it would bug me if a woman wouldn't go out with me because I was shorter than her because I'm not "short" for a man. (If I was actually short, it wouldn't bug me because I would expect it.)
The only reasons I can think of for why this would bother a man are (1) that it ruins his sense of control and (2) that he thinks people will laugh at him.
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote: If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
I'm only 5'7" so I'm kind of in the middle. There are many women taller and shorter than I am. I have typically in the past only dated, and married, women who are shorter than I am. But I'm not sure if this is for any reason other than the people I have been involved with have all just been short. i don't think I have actively limited my choices based on height. So to answer the question yes I would definately ask a taller woman out.
quote: If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?
Didn't stop me this past couple of weeks. I've been talking with a young lady on line and she's an inch taller than me. We've gone out 3 times now and have already made plans to get together again.
quote: If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)
If she was 6'0" or taller I may be a bit self concious of the idea of dating just because it would be a huge difference and very noiticable. plus she would have to stare down at my bald scalp and I just wouldn't want to put the poor dear through an experience like that.
quote: Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?
Any arbitrary reason for not getting to know someone bothers me. There are great personalities out there that you may never get to know if you start setting guidlines for who you will and will not initiate conversation with.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
(beatnix, I'm glad to hear that you're dating. )
JemmyGrove, don't worry. You're not the cause of my height insecurity. For the time that we were together it was an interesting inner battle that I eventually won which PROVES to me that I'd be willing to settle down with a shorter guy if the guy was right for me.
I just wish it didn't take me so long to get over it. I'm glad to hear AJ's story so I know that I'm not the only girl who feels that way.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I wouldn't call it dating. I'm taking it real slow. We're just hanging out and talking. We both kind of admitted to liking each other's company a bit more than friends the other night but there are a lot of complications and we both know it. She's a lot younger than I am (which definately doesn't hurt the old ego) I'm still technically married, she is kind of seeing someone back home (she's in this area for college), I have baggae gallore and so on. But yea, it's nice getting out again. Weird but nice.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Nice is good. I love how you say 'a lot younger than I am' like you're a 60 year old guy hitting on a 20 year old. You're still in your 20s, right? If that's the case than too young for you would have to be jailbait and that's just too young for anyone. Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ok, so alot was a bit of a stretch but she's 21 and I'm 27. She graduated HS in 2003. I was teaching a high school class in 2003. It just seems like she's a lot younger because I feel like such an old man. I've had no social life in the past 7 years and it's just weird. Yea, that's the word, weird. But in a good way. In fact when I was getting married she was 14. ah... if only you could see the mischevious grin I have when I say that.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I love the way this topic has unfolded. It's fascinating to me. I'm a 5'10 woman, and most of the shoes I own have 3 - 4in heels. I've been this height since 8th grade. All of the women in my family, extended family and all (except one aunt), are well below 5'6. My mom and sisters are all pushing 5' even. It SUCKED growing up the freakishly tall girl in that environment. I was extremely self conscious of my height, and developed a marked slouch to try and hide it. It didnt help in the least that my measurements were 41-31-41 by the time I was 16. Standing out was not considered a good thing where I grew up. But, even then, I was CONSTANTLY getting hit on by men who were much shorter than me(mainly hispanic). I got no attention from guys my height or taller, but shorter men loved me. The idea of dating a guy shorter than me freaked me out because I figured it would just make people look at me all the more. It was shallow, but also a defense mechanism. So I just didnt date anyone. Then I left high school, and started hanging out with as many freaky people as I could find in a small white town. My tastes started to mature, and I realized that I was inordinately attracted to short, stocky guys. My first real boyfriend was about 2in shorter than me, 20 years older, and incredibly handsome in a grizzly adams kind of way. mmmmm... beards.... Anyways, I've dated lots of different body types since then, and I'm still consistently most attracted to a very specific type. About 5'11 or under, stocky, but not really heavy, and manly looking with those calves that look like ham hocks. mmmm...ham hocks... Strangly enough, my current boyfriend of 3 years is about 6'2, skinny(in a swimmer kind of way), and has very american indian features, including little body hair. I find him immensely attractive. So, I guess the gist of what I'm saying is that height is only an issue for me when its an issue for the other person. I've dated plenty of guys who tried to convince me that wearing heels was bad for my instep, or back, or their ego. I find short man syndrome much less attractive than I find short men. Same with women. Alot of girls have refused to be friends with me, or at least to go out on a regular basis, because they find my height intimidating, or they dont like the amount of attention I garner from men because of it. Too bad, so sad. Most of my girlfriends are 5'8 and up, although that could be because Portland seems to have an inordinate amount of very tall women in it. You're from Portland, arent you Narnia?
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yes, I'm from Portland. Where are you hereabouts?
quote:So, I guess the gist of what I'm saying is that height is only an issue for me when its an issue for the other person.
That's precisely it. I suppose this thread is to convince myself that no matter what I may think, most guys are really ok with it. There is one instance where I've dated a shorter guy (he was about 5'9-10 or so) and never thought about it again and now that I think of it, it's because I could tell by the way he was around me that the thought had never even crossed his mind. Height? What? He's now happily married to a woman 2 inches taller than him.
So I think I feel the same way about the above statement: I'm ok with it if I'm sure that the guy is ok with it.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm 6'3 and I've never had the chance to date someone taller than me, but I imagine if the chance came up I wouldn't have a problem with it.
One of my roommates is quite a short guy and he seems to have a little problem with it. I don't think he would have a problem dating taller girls(since most seem to be), he just thinks that the girls would have a problem dating a shorter man so he doesn't ask anyone out. He especially hates the thought of dancing with a taller girl, not because he would be embarrassed, but because he knows the girl would be. He's been back from his mission for over a year and has yet to ask a girl out. We're all looking for a short girl for him.
quote:No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.
I like to be challenged.
Being more intelligent than I am isn't something that I consciously look for in a partner, but intelligence *is* something that I find attractive, and all but a few of the women I've dated have been much more intelligent than I am.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by twinky: No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.
I like to be challenged.
Being more intelligent than I am isn't something that I consciously look for in a partner, but intelligence *is* something that I find attractive, and all but a few of the women I've dated have been much more intelligent than I am.
Well, I wouldn't say that I actively look for people who are smarter than me in any particular aspect -- I was being at least a bit facetious. But the bit about liking to be challenged is true, and I also have to admit that sometimes it's cool (and kinda hot) to be left coughing in someone else's intellectual dust... like when she has an area of expertise or even basic knowledge that I don't, for instance. Like you, I'm definitely attracted to intelligence. I like having to work to keep up in a conversation, and I don't mind saying "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way. Good point."
However, I also think it's healthy for members of a couple to not be intimidated by one another's intelligence (or physical attractiveness). Lopsided interactions don't make for a wholesome affair.
On that note, I'm very happy in my current relationship. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
*happy dance, happy dance*
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Well, that is a relief.
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
