posted
I think there is a possibility that some of the secrets are made-up, but that doesn't mean I think you're fabricating them, dear.
I can see why this thread could have real value for people, and I can see how damage could occur.
But I am generally an imaginative person
I think it;s a cool thread, and I think you should be happy about it. Nothing bad has come of it, so far, and there is no reason to expect it to be harmful just because it is possible.
(I admit you've made me curious about the ones you've chosen not to post, though. I don't have any real interest in posting secrets anonymously myself (I have a history of over-sharing and TMI even with my name attached ) but I do have a very common curiosity about things people censor for my (our) own good. It goes back to them not letting me read Thoreau in Christian school, I think. )
So, even though I understand you probably have good reasons, THAT is the thing about this thread that peaks my curiosity the most (and I acknowledge that Secrets + Curiosity = Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Celaeno, for what it's worth, I was speaking of other people potentially submitting misleading things to you. Like I said, I just wanted to raise the possibility, not argue that this thread should be shut down or was not started with perfectly good intent.
posted
I guess that others don't see it this way, but it seems to me that the act of putting something forth as a secret (as opposed to having a secret to not mentioning it) implies "Now try to guess it".
If I don't want people to be curious about my secrets, I don't mentiont them, even obliquely.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
The phenomenon that I find fascinating about this thread is how often one can imagine that any given secret pertains to oneself. I guess it's from self-centeredness or paranoia or something... maybe insecurity, but while intellectually I know that probably none of them have anything to do with me, since I'm pretty far off the hatrack radar for most everyone, I think, yet when I read them I sort of tend to imagine some ridiculously large number, like 20% perhaps, have something to do with me. <laughs>
I also wonder how many of the secrets aren't secret at all. Have you ever had someone tell you a deep dark secret and then think to yourself... oh, okay, that was supposed to have been secret? Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
But reading people's secrets gives me a feeling of liberation, like there's nothing that we can't just be totally up front and honest about. Does anyone else feel this way?
I can't really think of any secrets of my own to send in. I guess I'm like Olivia in that I tell everything onymously already. Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I'm not sure if I'm having a failure of imagination or what, but I'm neither coming up with E-vile plots nor assuming that any secret anyone has told has anything to do with me.
I've been trying to think of something to submit, but I'm coming up with nothing. Between here and Sakeriver my life is a pretty open book, I'm thinking.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I was going to write something about shivving hobos, but now that the possibility of untrue "secrets" is out, I don't get to have that kind of fun.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
Of course everyone will assume that some are playful, some are real, some are made up to try to get some sort of reaction out of people, some are just for laughs, etc. That's the nature of anonymous stuff like this. But the real ones tend to speak for themselves.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Just for the record, I did not mean to imply that anyone was intentionally trying to hurt anyone else's feelings or plotting or whatever.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. Thanks for the clarification. And with that, let's move on.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:I used to come to Hatrack nearly every day, but after reading this thread, I am reminded of why I do not visit here much anymore. HatrackSecrets is a clever idea that is put out without any implied intent or harm, but is found to be insensitive by some and offensive by others. Debates ensue, (kind debates, mind you), but debates over something like this are just so trivial and meaningless that we tend to get swallowed up in the madness that our unbridled intelligence tends to create. Why create these problems and then debate them endlessly? What ever happened to just keeping quiet? Ironically, that is the next thread I lurked through...(If you don't have something nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all)
So here I sit, lurking through Hatrack becuase like others, I came here daily but felt like I wasn't as smart or as savvy as others, or that I wasn't liked as much as others. But there were wonderful things, grand things, that kept bringing me back. For years, even. Then the magic seemed to fade away one day. I still come to sit by the river from time to time, but I still can't bring myself to say much anymore. And for that I am sorry and only have myself to blame. I just hope Hatrack continues to grow as a community and doesn't devour itself in the mindles debates over nothing.
But one thing I won't miss is having to edit and proofread my posts for spelling errors because I don't want to look stupid. Grammer Nazis be damned.
quote:I'm bisexual. My parents and family don't know. The girl who is my best friend... is also my lover. And I'm ashamed of it, because I used to be so strongly anti-gay.
posted
I honestly don't know why I'm still surprised when I read through threads and find that they take some crazy turns before I reach the end of them.
Posts: 168 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:I used to come to Hatrack nearly every day, but after reading this thread, I am reminded of why I do not visit here much anymore. HatrackSecrets is a clever idea that is put out without any implied intent or harm, but is found to be insensitive by some and offensive by others. Debates ensue, (kind debates, mind you), but debates over something like this are just so trivial and meaningless that we tend to get swallowed up in the madness that our unbridled intelligence tends to create. Why create these problems and then debate them endlessly? What ever happened to just keeping quiet? Ironically, that is the next thread I lurked through...(If you don't have something nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all)
So here I sit, lurking through Hatrack becuase like others, I came here daily but felt like I wasn't as smart or as savvy as others, or that I wasn't liked as much as others. But there were wonderful things, grand things, that kept bringing me back. For years, even. Then the magic seemed to fade away one day. I still come to sit by the river from time to time, but I still can't bring myself to say much anymore. And for that I am sorry and only have myself to blame. I just hope Hatrack continues to grow as a community and doesn't devour itself in the mindles debates over nothing.
But one thing I won't miss is having to edit and proofread my posts for spelling errors because I don't want to look stupid. Grammer Nazis be damned.
This secret amazes me, because it expresses something I have also felt about Hatrack recently. I could have written it, or something like it, yet I know I didn't. I wish I knew who did, because I'd like to hug 'em.
To me, the response to it only illustrates that whoever posted this has a point.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:I feel like I love my parents out of sheer obligation because it has been engrained in me that I owe nearly every aspect of my life to them. They are parents and act so out of duty first and foremost rather than out of love. I do all of those things that are expected from an obedient Asian daughter of immigrant parents. But because of that, my ideas and images of "love" are skewed. I've been that 'perfect' daughter for so long that its so hard to change my ways now. I've ran so many relationships to the ground because I haven't been able to change enough over the years. I worry for the one I'm in now.
quote:I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I sometimes think I should rethink my life, but am afraid to do so. I fear being trapped in a life where I can only follow one path - and my current path is one where there are few permuataions.
quote:I feel like I love my parents out of sheer obligation because it has been engrained in me that I owe nearly every aspect of my life to them. They are parents and act so out of duty first and foremost rather than out of love. I do all of those things that are expected from an obedient Asian daughter of immigrant parents. But because of that, my ideas and images of "love" are skewed. I've been that 'perfect' daughter for so long that its so hard to change my ways now. I've ran so many relationships to the ground because I haven't been able to change enough over the years. I worry for the one I'm in now.
I'm going to assume this is a true secret and respond to it
Sometimes I question whether or not I love my parents out of... well, love, or whether or not I love them out of obligation. I've also thought that if I "loved out of obligation" then I probably never truly loved to begin with. I often think that I don't really love my parents, that I'm actually just very comfortable with them as people. I realise that the secret wasn't talking exactly about this, but I think there's a connection.
So, if this secret is a real one, sometimes what you're feeling sucks - but I certainly don't think it means your a bad person. Not that I think you were meaning to say that. Posts: 367 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I like this thread (good idea, Miss Celaeno) because of the possibility of responses like that! And the poster of the secret can read it and be immediately comforted. Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I think if this thread is taken the right way, it can be very effective. There are some secrets that, possibly people would guess who they were, but I think on the whole it can be very confidential. I would post something myself, except for the fact that I'm afraid to admit to myself that my secrets are actually true. I like to live in denial.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Because, despite being a self-proclaimed optimist, I can't seem to find anything worthwhile or interesting in my life. At least, not that anyone would want to hear about. I like to be the center of attention, but then again, I don't. I always feel as though I'm under a microscope, be it in real life or even Hatrack.
quote:Before I transitioned I had a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. It's almost 11 years older and I haven't seen them since (not by my choice) and my 6 year old daughter who so wants a brother or sister doesn't know she sort of has them. Or that her mom used to be someone else's dad.
quote:I really want the people of Hatrack to like and respect me, but I'm pretty sure none of them do.
I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
Respect isn't something I think people have to earn. I try to give it freely, and only when a person has done something pretty bad do they lose my respect. One of the commonalities everyone on Hatrack exhibits (be you newbie, lurker, or 20,000+ poster) is intellectual curiosity. It's a trait I strive to maintain in myself and I'm guessing that, whoever you are, you're here to do the same thing. I can respect that.
As for the "like," part, I can't really speak to that. But I'd still put down money that you're wrong.
Posts: 2907 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:I use scathing humor and sarcasm to veil insults and make people laugh, but the truth is, I really do hate almost everyone.
Not to beat a thankfully dead horse (sorry, Rain! ), but this was the initial post that got me thinking. One Hatracker immediately came to mind, followed by another possibility, and it startled me to realize that even if I thought I had the person totally pegged, that could have been the intention.***
Perhaps I am either more cynical or naive than is warranted (the former for thinking of it, the latter for being startled by the thought), but it seemed an issue to get out there in the beginning, before any real assumptions became ingrained.
I considered doing it as a "Secret" myself (as in a coyish "Gee, I thought of doing X"), but this was the sort of thing I figured shouldn't be done anonymously. It involves an implicit commentary on others, or at least possibilities about others, and I figured that was best done directly rather than obliquely. Obliquely would've caused more discomfort, I think, and my shoulders are broad enough to handle the reprocussions of my metacommentary.
(It did feel very much like a confession, though. Still does.)
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***Edited to add: and this is a function of the smaller and more closed nature of this community as opposed to, say, the PostSecret.com site. Again, I was not meaning to cast aspersions on anyone, just to raise this as a filter through which to reassess our own assumptions as readers.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Does Hatrack really have people mean enough to sink to that level? Maybe I was the naive one when I assumed that it didn't.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:I have a tapeworm. I'm afraid to tell anyone. I looked on the internet: I might have more than one. I thought it was just an undigested piece of onion. Does anyone know what to do? I can feel it moving.
I would see a doctor immediately. You know, I never knew that a person could feel the tapeworm. I always thought that tapeworms were generally asymptomatic for a long time before generating any sign of their existence.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:I think I'm losing my faith. If my family finds out, they will be devastated. If other believers I associate with find out, they'll probably treat me like an outsider. I think they will still care about me, but I'm afraid they won't understand and will push me away. I want to believe in God but somehow I can't most of the time. I even pray for faith, but there's no answer or feeling that anyone is there. Once in awhile, I'll believe again for a short time, and then it disappears.
It's like I've been orphaned. Suddenly there's no one bigger than me who can control this dangerous universe which I find myself in. There isn't any promise that someday everything will be made right. I am alone, afraid, and adrift.
posted
I think it is an interesting idea...sometimes I think someone just wants to get something out, but doesn't know how. This way you can get it out on the internet...and read it yourself, but not have your name attached to it.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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quote:It's like I've been orphaned. Suddenly there's no one bigger than me who can control this dangerous universe which I find myself in. There isn't any promise that someday everything will be made right. I am alone, afraid, and adrift.
It's a common feeling among believers and non-believers alike. But it doesn't have to be for either. There are millions of ordinary humans who care deeply about their communities, friends, family, and even strangers and work to help and support those who need help. People do this regardless of whether they are believers or non-believers. Community is out there if you look, though it might not be the community you're used to.
The universe is a scary place sometimes, for everyone. There is no shame in doubting your religious upbringing. You need to be open and honest to those you love, however. Maybe you're just going through a phase of unsteady faith before stronger belief? If so, the faithful you know will be glad to help. Maybe you have serious doubts that will lead you to agnosticism or atheism (both respectable philosophies). If so, then at least your family will have the opportunity to know you and the struggle you're going through, and it will be less of a shock if you actually arrive at one of those philosophies. Secrecy is the primary cause of loneliness. When you are open and honest you will usually find others who know your struggle and can help. Some of them might even be in your own home. And if they are not, and regardless if your family reacts negatively or positively, you at least know they are reacting to the real you and not loving you for some fiction you present to them. That love is hollow and lonely in its own right. Don't be so afraid of losing it that you never experience the real thing. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Celaeno: Does Hatrack really have people mean enough to sink to that level? Maybe I was the naive one when I assumed that it didn't.
Yeah, I think so. Actually, I think most people are capable of reacting to bitterness and pain from others in quite thoughtless and harmful ways. I know I am, myself, although I am properly unsettled by that realization. Part of maturity is, of course, refraining from doing such things, but I think the hindbrain urge to hurt others who might have hurt us is pretty well ingrained in the human psyche. And I can certainly see someone who had felt hurt by certain posters feeling the urge to lash back out, especially if he or she was "telling the truth" as he or she saw it.
On the other hand, any conclusions an individual would draw about the world are at least as informative of that individual's history and perspective as any real "facts" about how the world works. Again, that's why I signed my name to the original observation -- it has to be interpreted in context of me: somewhat embittered, cynical ~36-yr-old with personal issues about control, flexibility, family relationships, worldly attachments, and my own ego.
It may very well be true that the possibility of false or misleading "secrets" being submitted did not and would not have occurred to anyone but me. (Which would be rather disheartening and heartening to me, both, at the same time. ) Or it might have occurred as a possibility (to do or that might have been done) to one or two others, who may or may not have acted on it.
Who knows?
I don't regret bringing it up, regardless, although I do regret the discomfort it caused you when I was unclear in making my point. That I am quite sorry for, as you seem to be a most pleasant and authentic person, and I hate to think of causing you unnecessary distress.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Don't worry. Your comments weren't the ones that bothered me. I actually really appreciated them because they were probably helpful to the people who considered sending in secrets without being mean in any sort of way.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:I have done this before. The process is alive, displays ourselves and waits for us to change, needs apprehension to survive. I say, "rivers with their rusty railway bridges, summer rivers and their nevers and agains." It doesn't matter, the drunks out on the bridge again, ker-plunk, ker-plop, they laugh like little boys and make it back to shore. You see, there are words for all the side-effects of our atention to the instruments, supplications. Show the instruments and we will confess to see the beautiful, to survive. The reflection, not the mirror; the mirror, not the abyss. The process is real. It pushes us into ourselves, like counting your footfalls into a prayer, with nothing in front of you.
quote:I almost hit a jogger with my car a few months ago. It was my fault. I had no reason to come so close to hitting him. I don't even like to drive near the area where it almost happened because it makes me relive it again. I could have killed him. I imagine the 911 call, the trip to jail, how it would have effected my family, how it would have effected his family, and then having to live the rest of my life knowing I'd killed someone because I was in a bad mood and couldn't be bothered to drive responsibly.
quote:My partner cheated on me with a mutual friend. I suspected she did, so I read her e-mail and got confirmation. She denies it, and I can't show her the e-mails because I don't want her to know I read them. I love her and don't want our family to break up, but I don't think I'll ever trust her again. And I feel sick about having read her e-mail, so I'm not all that happy with myself, either.
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) but I do have a very common curiosity about things people censor for my (our) own good. It goes back to them not letting me read Thoreau in Christian school, I think. ![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
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