I'm so jealous! I've seriously considered this surgery. One of my best friends had it done last summer and loves it, and looks so wonderful. Maybe next year after I've gotten past all this cancer stuff I can think about it.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
I hope the people who reveal these secrets can be liberated of them. A lot of the secrets seem like things people are struggling with. If the act of making the secret public allows someone to overcome its power, and take control of it, then it's well worth getting out there, even if it results in some hurt feelings. Heck, even the hurt feelings are a manner of secret that needs to be set free.
I haven't read all the secrets yet, but those that I've seen look like the person asking for the permission to make them right, or act out on what they want to do. Live your life my friends, don't be constrained by your fears.
We are approaching an age where so many things are known, it's becoming more and more difficult to keep secrets. Maybe that's good in some cases.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:I've never told anyone about this before--not anyone, ever--and it's taken me this long to work up the nerve to even get this far.
When I was in middle school, I was a really huge dork and didn't have any popular friends. As seems to be common for people that age, I thought who your friends were was a lot more important than it actually is, but I didn't know how to start. It really, really bothered me. One day I went through the phone book and found the phone numbers for all the popular kids that I wished I was friends with, about forty of them. I put them in the address book part of my planner and at home I would pretend that they really were all my friends.
Then one day one of the prettiest, most popular girls in school (who I sat next to) went through my bag and found the planner and went through it when I wasn't there. I didn't know about it until I got home and looked through it again in my sad little routine and I got to her name. She had written in her pager number, underneath the number I'd copied out of the phone book, in purple glittery ink with the typical girly smiley face appended.
I wanted to kill myself, I was so embarassed.
I dragged myself to class the next day and sat next to her. I must've looked about as awkward as I felt, because I avoided any eye contact with her for as long as possible. Eventually, though, I turned at the wrong time and we were looking at each other.
She smiled, and turned away.
I'll be the first to admit that what I did was incredibly creepy, and had I been her, I would've freaked out in at least six or eight different ways. But she never said anything to anyone, and pretended it never happened. I think she knew exactly why I'd done it in the first place. This girl had the power to ruin my life and chose instead to be unbelievably empathetic and caring.
Throughout highschool, she was exactly what I'd imagined she would be: a cheerleader, incredibly ditzy, and always very pretty and very popular. I grew rapidly out of the social awkwardness that plagued me as a middle schooler and by the time we graduated, I had my own friends and was generally well liked. Our paths didn't cross often, but whenever they did, she had a smile for me - the same smile she had for everyone, and I don't think she fully understood just how much it meant to me that she did what she did.
I still have that page of that planner somewhere in a box in my parents' house.
posted
I thought that last story was going to end with something like: "And last week we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary." I was ready to go into a diabetic coma. As it is though, nice story.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Orincoro: I thought that last story was going to end with something like: "And last week we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary." I was ready to go into a diabetic coma. As it is though, nice story.
I read the whole thing imagining a female voice narrating. Though I suppose it still coulda ended with the 25th wedding anniversary thing. . . sorta.
I dunno, just didn't sound like something a guy would write. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Funny ... I heard it as a guy's voice. Actually, ironically, as my voice. I never went to those extremes, but then I never went to public middle school. I have a feeling that if I did, I would quite possibly have done something very similar. And it makes me wonder, would there have been anyone to smile at me?
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:I dragged myself to class the next day and sat next to her. I must've looked about as awkward as I felt, because I avoided any eye contact with her for as long as possible. Eventually, though, I turned at the wrong time and we were looking at each other.
She smiled, and turned away.
I'll be the first to admit that what I did was incredibly creepy, and had I been her, I would've freaked out in at least six or eight different ways. But she never said anything to anyone, and pretended it never happened. I think she knew exactly why I'd done it in the first place.
It is interesting that you interpreted the events this way, because I'm not sure if that's how I'd look at it. I would think that if she found a bunch of popular kids and their phone numbers in your planner, she'd probably just assume they were there because you thought you might want to call them. I don't think she would have found it creepy. And if my knowledge of middle school girl tactics is correct (and it is probably not) then I suspect writing her pager number next to her name in your planner was an honest attempt to tell you that she'd like to talk to you. It wouldn't surprise me at least - popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone. For that reason, I'm guessing she was flattered to find her name in your book when she didn't even know you that well.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
At 20 I think I agree with Tres, but at 13, I'm pretty sure that I would have agreed with the person telling the secret, and likely (after spending last week observing at a middle school), the popular girl was trying to be nice, but a bit creeped out.
I am not going to teach middle school, but I can see the appeal.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone.
This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
Of course, those are both sweeping generalities and will not apply to every single kid. But I think it speaks for the majority.
[ May 02, 2006, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: El JT de Spang ]
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
See, I read that anecdote and thought, "She found an address book with names and phone numbers for all the other popular students, and naturally assumed that he was ALSO popular since he knew the names and phone numbers of the right people." *laugh*
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Tom, that's exactly what I was thinking! I thought she probably figured he was "in" and she just wasn't aware of it!
Posts: 601 | Registered: Sep 2002
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quote:Tom, that's exactly what I was thinking! I thought she probably figured he was "in" and she just wasn't aware of it!
The feeling I get is that it was obvious he/she (I read it as "he," but who knows) wasn't one of the popular kids for whatever reason.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I don't think it sounds like she was creeped out in the least. Creeped out people do not draw glittery purple smilies. She probably didn't think much at all about why those numbers were there and I doubt she understood why you had copied them. It sounds like she was just friendly and outgoing and wouldn't have minded talking to you.
Also, I think the girl going through your bag and then paging through your planner without you knowing is a lot stranger than you copying down numbers out of a phone book.
Posts: 4292 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
I assumed that the author was male and that the girl had a crush on him. Why else would she go digging through his bag and look for her name in his planner and then put her pager number and a smiley face? Oh yeah, she wanted you.
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I thought the story was going to end very differently.
And for the informal "poll" -- my impression was that the poster was female, and I'm not sure why. In fact, my mind initially associated "bag" with "purse," but upon a second reading I see the word never appears there.
--j_k, who likes this thread
Posts: 3617 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
I thought the poster was male, but I can assure all of you that the popular people all know who the other popular people are on sight, so I doubt that the girl assumed that the poster was in that particular circle.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I had a very different take on the story than everybody else. If the girl was really all that nice she wouldn't have been going through the poster's stuff. I also think that the most likely reason she would write in her pager number was just to let him know that she had read it and knew his secret. I could see this as being a really mean and cruel thing. If I had been in that situation, I probably would have assumed that she told it as a funny story to her friends. But I tend to be cynical. The girl could have just been ditzy, as was stated, and not realized how much it would embarass the poster. I read it as though the poster was a boy.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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quote:popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone.
This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
Of course, those are both sweeping generalities and will not apply to every single kid. But I think it speaks for the majority.
I have to disagree here. I was not popular at all, but the kids I knew who were popular were always extremely kind. There was a reason everyone wanted them to sign their yearbooks- because you had good experiences with them.
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by scholar: I have to disagree here. I was not popular at all, but the kids I knew who were popular were always extremely kind. There was a reason everyone wanted them to sign their yearbooks- because you had good experiences with them.
I think it really did depend on whether we are speaking of the A-list celebrities , or B- or C-list.
Edited to add: At least it was so in my experience, though that may have just been me. The lower tiers seemed to have a more vicious flair to hierarchical struggles. Persons more secure in social standing seemed like they may have been above that, perhaps aided by not having to engage in the less savoury aspects of social structure.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
I think that is what appears to be true, but isn't exactly what is really true.
I think the game really works something like this: Most kids in middle school want everyone (except perhaps for the few that they dislike for specific reasons) to like them . But at that same time, they also tend to believe that they must be considered cool to be liked. And one's coolness is judged based in a large part on who one hangs out with, and who one doesn't hang out with. Thus, even though they may want everyone to like them, they can't openly show it. They can't openly hang out with less cool people because the fear is that it will make them look less cool too. Instead they sacrifice friendships with the less cool in order to improve their popularity overall.
It's an illustion that is self-reinforcing, because the more it appears that everyone else is excluding certain people, the more you try to make it appear that you are excluding those people too. Eventually I'm sure it gets to the point where they believe the illusion themselves. But I think that the truth is that it really is still mostly an illusion. "Popular kids" are as worried about getting everyone to like them as everyone else is - and would prefer to have everyone like them.
And here's why I think this: Notice what happens when some popular kid is alone with a less popular kid - out of sight from the rest of their middle school society. Usually they will act friendly. Often they will get along great, until someone else popular steps in the room, and then suddenly they will put up that illusion of not caring about one another again. Or, also notice how kids react if they find out someone doesn't like them. It won't matter if that person is popular or not - it will usually visibly bother them either way. That suggests that they do, in fact, care what everyone thinks about them - popular or not.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Originally posted by breyerchic04: At 20 I think I agree with Tres, but at 13, I'm pretty sure that I would have agreed with the person telling the secret, and likely (after spending last week observing at a middle school), the popular girl was trying to be nice, but a bit creeped out.
Yah, a 13 year old wouldn't be subtle enough to realize that giving out the number invites the person to actually call you. Not only that, but I doubt a 13 year old is subtle enough to tell you she likes you just by giving you the pager number; she would give you alot more to go on.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
I wasn't one of the "popular" kids in Jr. High/HS, but I was friends with the popular kids, and I don't think any one of them would have found it odd to find a bunch of people's numbers in an address book. Besides, it is an address book, it's supposed to have people's information in it. Who would think it odd that a person's address book actually contained numbers?
Personally, I think she was actually an adult posing as a teenager on an assignment for a magazine, trying to get an inside scoop on what goes on in middle schools. She put the pager number there hoping for an interview, but the poor kid never called. She could have made him up into a stud and taken him to the prom. Probably they would have ended up getting married, but the mean kids would have poured pigs blood on him at the prom, so he would have been sad and cried and needed years of therapy.
Actually, I guess it's better that he didn't call.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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So... Does anyone want to perpetuate this thread? I think it's a good idea... The anonymous email dealy is dead now. Anybody more savvy, and less in need of sleep than me want to figure it out?
Posts: 655 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
*bump* Thought this was interesting, so I'm adding to the bumps
Edit to add: A bit of googling can easily find an anonymous emailer. Obviously we cannot take over the original gmail reception account though without the OP's help.
Posts: 7593 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
"Secrecy is the primary cause of loneliness. When you are open and honest you will usually find others who know your struggle and can help."
Karl Ed, that is one of the wisest things I've ever read. =)
I love this thread, too.
Somehow secrets give us access to things that openness can't. It's weird. I've always been completely transparent, and some magic goes away when you're like that, I realize. There's something powerful about secrets.
posted
I think, for me, secrets are(would be) a way to candidly speak my opinions, no matter how clichéd or romantic or radical they may be. And in such a small setting it is a way to at least possibly receive feedback on topics that would be impossible(difficult) to talk to people in my "real life" about.
Posts: 655 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
That one worries me a lot. Whoever is contemplating suicide, know that there is real help, that life can get better. Know that you are valued and loved. Yes, you. Reach out for help, please. Give us a chance to help.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I've always wanted to print stickers that say "GRAFFITI" and slap them over the words that people put under the STOP on stop signs.
Posts: 369 | Registered: Apr 2007
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quote: I really wish that he had died instead of leaving me. His leaving destroyed so much of my trust in others, of my belief in myself, of my belief that I am worth loving, that I really think it would have been better (for me) if he had died instead. If he had died, I could at least believe that he didn't mean to, and maybe I would be less angry at him. And less angry at myself for trusting him.
quote: I really wish that he had died instead of leaving me. His leaving destroyed so much of my trust in others, of my belief in myself, of my belief that I am worth loving, that I really think it would have been better (for me) if he had died instead. If he had died, I could at least believe that he didn't mean to, and maybe I would be less angry at him. And less angry at myself for trusting him.
I could have written that a couple years ago. (Once in a while, I could even have written it now.)
It does get better. *hug* You can get past the anger, but it does take time.
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