So...um...is it just my imagination, or is the surest way to get all the old regulars to post to your thread simply to address the thread to 'Newbies'?? <blink blink> Dyany Posts: 25 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
Hmm... am I a newbie or not? That is the question. I was on the young writers Open Discussion forum last summer as Jayelle before it died. So, I have been "here" for a year, but I only started posting in this forum a couple weeks ago.
Also, I'm on Hatrack spinoffs... and in the chat alot.
If you want to piss off a lot of Hatrackers, ignore numbers 8 and 10. Just trust me on that, I'm not going to explain it. It might cause more harm than good.
Something to add to the list: 12. Reading people's profiles may help you understand more about them and don't be afraid to add stuff to your own. (the profile is the button that has a face and a ? mark.) Here's mine.
P.S. Stay away from the whole Apple vs. Microsoft thing...unless of course you're pro-Mac.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Mobius (edited July 13, 2002).]
im definitely a newbie, ive only made one post! thanx for the tips guys (and girls), ill try to follow them from now on.
PS im sorry if i insulted anyone by saying that christianity is flawed.
i guess some of you might be waiting for my proof of Islam, ill be posting that soonish i hope, as soon as i can put all my arguments together in a readable form. i dont go onto the net often, so it might take some time for me to reply to the counter-arguments presented, so dont think im ignoring you if i dont reply immediately.
Red - You are only exempt if you have an intimate knowledge of David Bowles' history with 'spankers for hire' and his newly discovered association with the underground "el pollo erotico" movement.
Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
The most important thing for newbies to know is that there is a secret commitee that strictly regulates the number of true non-newbie spots. Thus, there are only three ways to achieve non-newbieness.
1) Petition said council for special dispensation. Warning: This route will invariably require heroic acts of self-sacrifice and humilation in service of the council. Make no mistake, you will be called on to break the laws of both God and man. You will plumb the depths of human depravity. You will go tricycling with albino kelp farmers. You will wrestle penguins just to perserve a shred of the life you once knew. If you choose this route, be prepared for a constant stuggle with the forces of darkness to hold onto your heart, mind, and soul. The only good thing about option 1 is that it is by far the easiest of the three paths.
2) You can kill an non-newbie and thus take their place. Back in the early days of the forum, this was the preferred method of advancement. On any given weekend, save holidays, a good 12% of the population would be shuffled off this mortal coil. However, the years of infighting have led to a darwian survival of the fittest situation. Those who are left are the roughest, toughest, meanest bunch of paranoid freaks you'd ever run as fast as you can away from and we've had years to perfect our defenses. My sources tell me that Advice for Robots has recently upgraded from the T800 to the T1000 "liquid metal" model. David Bowles lives in a huge fortress in the depths of the Amazonian rainforest, surrounding by thousands of his fanatically devoted and supernaturally vigilant followers. Slash, after successfully arguing that there were no laws about it pertaining to lizardmen, has cloned himself at least 20 times. Each of these clones has killed and eaten an average of 45 people. Using a wildly unstable combination of millenia-old forbidden magics and the latest advances in post-quantam physics, the research team of Ralphie and Bob_Scopatz has developed the mental ability to reduce anywhere from 1 to 666 people instantly into a state of chuckling idiocy, from which no one has ever reemerged. I myself have taken to living as a parasitic spirit, jumping from body to body as it serves my needs and fancy. So, if you choose option 2, strap on some body armor, load up your weapons and come get some, you little punk.
3) This path lies obscured in the mists of time, attested to only by scraps of barely remembered legends and the frantic gibbering of madmen. Already, I have said too much and yet I feel strangely compelled to continue. I will remain strong. I will not falter. Do your own damn homework!!!
Choose your road newbie, but never say that I didn't warn you.
Hmmm... Which option should I pick? Ive been around 2 months and am still considered by a few to be a newbie. So, the petition idea sounds like fun but so does devouring the other non-newbs. Time takes too long.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
As an itinerant lurker, I was here some time before I posted anything. However, I never thought of myself as a n00bie. As always, I recon the area before I let others know of my presence.
I've posted relatively few times, but I'm sure I've ticked a number of you old-timers off on more than one occasion. Some intentional, some not. I am admittedly fairly outspoken.
That said, I will have to choose path number 2. I was raised in a family that did hunt, and I've always been somewhat good at it. Later in the Corps, and other military activities, I learned to use scopes and other fun things. (Slightly nervous about the metal in Leto's body, but that's his fault anyway.)
oh, and for those of you who think getting my non-newbie spot will be easy, I'd like to point out that my research in bio-math has allowed me to create a nearly invincible army of semi-sentient plant creatures and I have altered my cell structures so that I now have infinite regenerative abilities (though it has the slightly annoying side effect of changing my blood to the consistency of tree sap). Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
I should have just came here to begin with. But noooo I have to jump in and act like I own the place.
Creating my own topics, simply because I can. The moderator should deny access in that particular area for awhile, it's so easy to abuse.
I suppose my profile is a bit annoying. Since I spilt the beans about myself on my very first post. It's actually embarrassing for me to spread anymore honesty about myself now. I started with the truth and now I will slowly regress into a fuzzy little blur.
I'll try to be a better newbie from this point on.
this newbie/honeybee gradation is like an attempt to 'monetize' the space these interactions take place in - that is, a sort of 'value' is identified and then used to differentiate an outside/inside hierarchy - a form of capitalization.....and like any form accumulative capital - the greatest fear is inflation - inflation , in this case, always being the arrival of new people - which causes a sort of firm monetary policy to be upheld - attempting to maintain and stabilize the currency (identity) - and so the endless prattle and mystification (newbie etc.)
I think the market for identity is as large as the internet itself (and not any particular community - in spite of the attempt to overvalue 'local' currency) the only real measure of newbie as newness to the internet overall - and even that in the context of ones age and previous experience - that is - if you are 15 and you have been on the net since you were 10 you are 'older' then an adult of 40 on the net since they were 35 etc - the measure is the proportion of ones communicative life - not elapsed time etc. The rest is old school hierarchy and power politics disguised as joking...a flaccid attempt by the disenfranchised in real life to impose old models on this new young space - there are few newbies anywhere (unless you want to call hatrack an interactive game) - there is only the remenants of rituals of hierarchy -
After reading MrSquicky's post about getting rid of newbie status, I've decided to go with option 3. I would have gone with #1, but self-sacrifice and humiliation pretty much suck. If I had wanted humiliation, I would have joined a frat in college. Even though I'm sure I could take out a few of you veterans, I love you guys too much for that. So that left #3.
Luckily, I was on vacation last week, so I tracked down some old legends I had heard about an ancient temple located somewhere in the Everglades. I was finally able to make contact with old Seminole Indian who supposedly had been there. Of course, he was mad and I could barely make out what he said for all the gibbering and drooling, but you take what you can get. I was a little surprised when he gave me the cooridinated for the temple, but apparently, the last time he went, he had one of the new luxury SUV's that has GPS installed.
My wife was rather upset when I told her that our vacation to the Bahamas was cancelled because I had to go to an ancient temple in the Everglades. I didn't really understand what the problem was. I mean, what would you choose - laying on the beach with a frozen cocktail or trekking through the swamp to face unspeakable terror?
Off I went. My Grand Cherokee only got me so far, but I was able to rent an airboat (those things are really loud BTW). I found the ancient temple with my trusty GPS and made my way down a long winding stair going deep into the bowels of the earth. Anyone who has ever tried to build a basement in Florida can understand the shocking amount of power that would take. I've been trying to find out if the Ancient Ones do any contracting work.
Anyhoo, I won't bore you with the details. I went down for hours with that creepy feeling going the whole way down. Found an ancient tome with the proper spells to become a Hatrack veteran. Had to dodge a few Shoggoths on my way out. Hair turned white because I had the bejesus scared out of me. I know what you Hatrack veterans are saying - been there, done that.
I got home and started the spell right up. I probably should have researched it a little more, but vacation was almost over so I was running out of time. Apparently the spell summoned one of the Great Old Ones (he told me his name, but I won't even try to spell it). He told me that Hatrack had evolved way beyond his powers and even he couldn't make be a veteran. And get this, then he tells me that because I had bothered him he was going to open a hole in our universe (kinda like the hole in the ozone, but not really) and suck our world into his so he could feed on it or something like that.
Then he said, "Just kidding" and left.
So all that work and I'm still just a newbie. Anyone want to buy a copy of the Book of Eibon before I put it up for sale on Ebay?