posted
Please give Saudade my regards and best wishes, too. I haven't been in contact with her since our Hatrack writing group disbanded, but she seems like a really nice person. I'm sorry for her loss, but I hope that she's ok.
I wanted to thank everybody for your prayers and thoughts. It's been over 3 weeks since the emergency surgery, and over 2 weeks since I was released, (reluctantly), from the hospital.
Some of you have asked what happened, well, bad luck happened, that and my screwed up mutant genetics. I won't really go into much detail about why things didn't work out, and I'll pass very quick through what exactly happened, because, as some of you may already know, I am a private hard headed person.
The very early morning of sunday the 13th, Andrei and I had come back home after visiting a friend and watching movies and eating pizza at her place. We were sitting at the table, eating some fruit, getting ready to go to sleep when I had a sudden sharp pain in my abdomen. It was by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I tried making sense of it, but it didn't seem like anything mundane or anything I had experienced before. I lost conciousness while Andrei tried to carry me to the sitting room. I regained conscience seconds later, as he called my doctors. The pain had increased so badly I requested he called an ambulance, since by then I could barely breathe and I couldn't walk anymore.
I was taken to the local hospital and after being examined in triage I was set in observation for 6 hours. The nurses and doctors were at a loss. No signs of blood or normal miscarriage were to be found, but they couldn't find my pulse. One after another, they tried with 6 different machines to find my vitals, they tried the old fashioned way to find a pulse, but all they got was my heart beat pumping at astronomic rates.
After several ultra sounds they determined the baby had already died, and my doctor decided I was having a tremendous internal crisis, I was bleeding myself to death internally.
I was sent to emergency surgery.
According to the nurses and doctors, I was basically dead for hours. But I could talk, and I was lucid. Guess all of my remaining blood got directed to my brain. I lost over 3/4 of my blood, I required 2 units during surgery, and 4 more during my stay in the ICU, I lost a lot of this blood though, so nowadays I am basically running in half of my capacity.
When I woke up I had to be restrained, respirators aren't friendly machines, and I am not a friendly person when I am hooked up to one and still very drugged. After they took me off of it, my vitals collapsed again and had to be resurrected for about the 6th time since the start of the surgery. It hurt, and I think I have died enough for a couple of years.
The rest is just hospital stay, 4 days in the ICU, heavily drugged, I can barely remember it all, just bits and pieces.
Mentally I could be better, I was ok for a couple of days after the surgery, untill the bereavement services tried to "help". But that's a rant I won't get into.
Andrei and I have recently moved to a new apartment... well... kind of moved. He took 3 weeks off work to take care of me during my hospital stay and the first weeks after the operation. I am still not allowed to do much, walk much, move much. I am in a lot of drugs, and still in pain, still having nightmares, but hey... it could be worse, I could be dead afterall.
The doctors say I am going to be fine, everybody is very freaked out at me though, and received visits from all the nurses at triage, observation, and even our family doctor, who doesn't even work at the hospital. I guess that's part of living in a small town. You cannot freakishly nearly die without everybody finding out and wanting to bother you while you are half alive.
Thankfully I had great hospital care, our friend Carissa, and AnneKate were great help during the whole ordeal, and we have discovered we are very loved and valued in our town. Who would have thought, since we are such hermits.
I also learnt a very valuable lesson. Never say you feel like dying in a hospital. If you do they will send in a guard to make sure you don't run off at 2 inches per hour and decide to make a mad dash in front of a food cart to end your misery. Fortunately for me, along with the guard they sent in a psychiatrist, who certified me as the sanest person she has known in her life and I was released from the hospital, not without my doctor nagging about staying another night.
I think that's all, the doctors say they might allow me to go back to work and school in another 3 weeks, but they also said they might recommend another 4 months of rest, since I am still very weak in all senses, and my major requires a lot of physical work.
I am glad I am alive, and that they didn't remove any major organs I might need later. They did some reconstructive surgery, or as much as they could during a critical intervention, and we should be able to have babies without any problems or external help, just very careful monitoring and I will be always labeled as high risk, so of the worst outcomes we got off ok.
Once again thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. And I'll be around AIM on time to time. I am still far too drugged and weak to be hanging around the PC much.
posted
Oh, Saud... My heart is breaking. I know you'll get through this; you are strong. My thoughts are with you and Andrei.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
((((((Saudade, Andrei, friends and family))))))
I'm so sorry to hear about the tremendous ordeal you have (and are still) going through. I'm glad that you have a good support network to help you and I'm glad that you will be ok. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Thanks for letting us know that you are on the mend. I didn't see this post the first time through or I would've added my prayers then. As it is, I'll pray that you get back to 100% really soon and that everything works out perfectly if/when you decide to get pregnant again.
I'm also very impressed with Andrei.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Toaster/Saud let me offer you some congradulations. I know the pain and the suffering you went through, and the loss that you must endure is not reason for congradulations.
Your survival is.
The fact that you will survive completely is reason for great rejoiceing in your home and here.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I'm ashamed I didn't find this thread sooner. It sounds like you had a nightmarish ordeal, something no one should endure, least of all you, Saudade. I offer my deepest sympathy, and I am glad to hear you are on the mend.
You and Andrei (and ak) are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss and your suffering. It sounds as though your survival was a miracle and that you are an incredibly strong person. I hope this contributes to a speedy recovery.
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