did you mean no one had guessed him or that he is not the author?
The rationale for this guess is not based on the piece, but on the fact that he seems very insightful about the piece and his last critiques were not accompanied by a guess (I hope that counts so I can avoid the growl): advice for robots
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I liked this passage a lot, it has real charm. I was going to say I liked the dialogue, after reading it 3-4 times, when I realized it only has paraphrased dialogue, with no direct quotes. Is there a term for this? Anyway, I was surprised, because the reader gets a real feel for the way the characters interact. I could never pull that off without quoted dialogue.
Whoever pointed out that "so I... " phrase was right, it's used twice in the short 3rd paragraph and another time as well. A bit repetitive.
"...but [she] didn't use the knuckles." This phrase is cool, it picks up on a casual level of violence in the couple, very revealing of character. Reminds me of those guys on "Cops" who say "Well, I hit him, but just with an open hand, Officer."
I also liked this: "I knew I wasn't much of a mechanic, just a funnel and a rag in the trunk, and a jack and lugwrench I hoped I'd never have to use." The character doesn't say what he can or can't do on a car, just gives a short list which includes no serious tools. Sweet.
This has to a male, probably over 20. If it's a woman, she's a very talented writer to write with such a male tone.
This thread has been very good for my self-esteem. Thanks for all the comments, and I'm glad the passage was well-received. It was a compliment to me that so many of the good writers here were guessed, although I was a little irked when it seemed like the guesses were running dry and still nobody thought of me.
It's part of a story about a guy who drags his wife along on a road trip from Phoenix to Duluth, MN in an attempt to rediscover his identity. I had a different part of it submitted when Slash was doing the game, but it never got used. I was so happy to see my passage when I opened this thread! I even showed it to my wife.
Anyone who disagreed with or challenged my analyses: thanks for the input. You gave me lots of insight into the characters that I didn't have when I wrote the story. The guy is basically me in an alternate universe. I wrote it for a creative writing class in early '99, shortly before I got engaged. I was 26 at the time and had been living in Utah for about 5 years. I think most of you nailed me pretty well with my demographics.
The trip across Nebraska is based on a real trip I took, in which I drove an old car with screwed up steering through the freezing rain at 45 mph for 7 hours across that state.
Thanks again, and especially thanks to dkw! That was lots of fun.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
Ugh. Semi-autobiographical stuff really ought to come with disclaimers.
Ordinarily, afr, I'd apologize for suggesting that you are misogynistic, self-pitying, and resentful. But at the moment I think you kind of deserve it, just for being so darned sneaky. You completely threw me off with your first critique.
That’s all for now. I need to reserve the rest of my brain power to keep from wandering into traffic.
Posts: 1046 | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hey, now, I'm only self-pitying in an alternate universe. And this isn't semi-autobiographical, because when I wrote it I wasn't even engaged to be married yet. But it is my voice, which is the easiest for me to speak in.
I started writing the story when I got homesick for my hometown, Duluth. I hadn't been there for so long that it seemed like a dream to me. Lindy kind of materialized in the car seat as the narrator started driving from Phoenix to Duluth. She didn't want to go because she thought going that far north would give her vertigo. She is completely fictional, and the narrator is a lot looser and "trailer park" than I'll ever be (knock on wood). But he's not mysogynistic--you'd see that if you read the whole story.
Sorry for misleading you. I thought I'd give myself away by posting any analysis. Guess I was wrong.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
