posted
hey, this is my first chance i've had to even post anything in like a week. I felt that Family Guy warrented a visit back. Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
In celebration of the family guy season 3 release(this is going to be long):
Quotes from Family Guy:
Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me? Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the party. Lois Griffin: And what did you do? Peter Griffin: Drank at the pa-- ...Whoa! I almost walked into that one.
Stewie Griffin: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb!
Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.
Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple!
Stewie Griffin: No sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Riding a circus elephant. Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
To ticket agent
Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car? Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me. Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together? Lois giggles Peter Griffin: Lois! You've got a sick mind! Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter Griffin: Oh! I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Brian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a decent martini around here?
Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!
Stewie Griffin: Ha ha! Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening!
Peter Griffin: NOOOOOO! Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Damn longears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus. Anyway, what was that you were saying?
Stewie Griffin: Damn you, broccoli!
Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department. Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.
Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO"! Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Peter Griffin: I swear... you bastard.
Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.
Stewie Griffin: So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine. Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me? Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy. Doctor: ....Can't it be both?
Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me. Death: Well that would just leave England.
Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow. Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
Janet: Hi. Cookie? Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but...you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
Peter Griffin: Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think thats adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.
Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?
Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come baring a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. Lois Griffin: Meg, can you change Stewie? Meg Griffin: Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together! Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street! Answering phone Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert. Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED! Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
The Jetsons parody Jane: Oh my God! George! After being on the dog walker Elroy: Yeah, you... George: Go to your room, Elroy! Elroy: But... George: GO TO YOUR ROOM! For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken! Jane: I'm sorry. George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed!!
While trying to potty-train Stewie Peter Griffin: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you. Stewie Griffin: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn! Peter Griffin: Rea...Really?
Brian has just peed on a Supermarket floor. Peter Griffin: Jeez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?
Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
Bob Ross: All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there i will come to your house and I will cut you.
Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
Peter Griffin: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
Peter Griffin: I'm looking for some toilet training books. Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'. Peter Griffin: Well, you see, we're catholic. . . Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.
Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie? Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here? Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho. Guy on Street #1: That's what we call a "variable".
Peter Griffin: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat? A BOAT'S A BOAT, but the mystery box could be anything. IT COULD EVEN BE A BOAT. You know how much we wanted one of those. Lois Griffin: Peter, that happened ten minutes ago!
While eating a pancake Stewie Griffin: OH!!! mmm yes oh god this is better than SEX!
Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
looking at himself in a spoon Tom Tucker: I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.
Lois Griffin: What's going on? Stewie Griffin: We're playing house. Lois Griffin: The boy is all tied up. Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.
After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"
The Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on. waiter cuts his bread Waiter: Uh, sir, it's liquid. slaps him
At a job interview Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years? Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife! Don't say doing your wife!"
Stewie Griffin: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!
An extremely obese Peter and Brian are sitting on the dock Boy: Daddy, what's that? Father: Well son, that's Mars, the fourth planet from the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I don't know... Peter Griffin: I'm a man jackass!
Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.
Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf. Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game. flashback Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks. Scottish men: Aye.
Stewie Griffin: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.
Peter Griffin: Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down. Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother. Peter Griffin: It's no bother, is it Lois? Lois Griffin: Of course not, we'd love to have you stay. Francis Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies. Peter Griffin: You hear that Lois? You love kids.
Peter Griffin: So what happened to the guy that stole the money? Joe Swanson: Ironically, I severed his spine when I fell on him. Peter Griffin: Sounds like you got some more competition at next year's Special People's Games. HehHehHehHehHeh. Joe Swanson: Nope, he's dead.
Jim: What did you just call me? Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name. Jim: That is our word! You have no right to use it! pause Jim: Yes. Thank you.
brief pause Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a... Peter Griffin: Wanna split it?
Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.
Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit Ticket Seller: Wait a minute... your ass just sneezed! And horses can't talk! No, no... nothing here adds up at all!
to Peter
Picking up the phone.
Stewie is trying to call Peter and Lois from a Hotel he and Brian are stuck in Stewie Griffin: Hello, Operator? Hello? ...Oh God, that's right, you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uh, I should know this...oh yes, 867-5309, that's it...no wait, that's not it. DAMN YOU, TOMMY TUTONE!
Brian and Peter are putting a crib together. Brian Griffin: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B. Peter Griffin: That's what.. Brian Griffin: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you!
Peter Griffin: Holy crap!...Did anyone else feel that?
Brian Griffin: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything. Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
Glen Quagmire: The Griffins! Bunch of card-carrying Commies if you ask me. Alright!
Peter Griffin: I didn't even fart until I was 18. Flash back Peter hears a farting sound Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
Lois Griffin: Peter, where's Chris? Chris Griffin: I love you She Hulk. Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back. Chris Griffin: I...I don't have any hams. Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son. Chris Griffin: I need an adult! I need an adult! Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso. Chris Griffin: Thanks!
Peter Griffin: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood. Brian Griffin: The Bradys? Peter Griffin: Oh, hell yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers ah, you name it. Aunt Jemimah pops up in the window with a plate of pancakes Aunt Jemimah: You folks want some pancakes? Peter Griffin: No thank you. See, that's the worse we got is, uh Jemimah's Witnesses.
Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.
Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus Tour Guide: Und as you can see Germany has such a rich and beautiful history, as depicted in your pamphlets. Questions? Brian Griffin: Yeah, I got a question. In your pamphlet, there's a huge gap between 1939 and 1945. Tour Guide: NOTHING HAPPENED! EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION! Brian Griffin: But isn't that when Germany invaded Poland? Tour Guide: DIDN'T INVADE--INVITED! THERE WAS PUNCH UND EVERYTHING! ASK POLAND! Brian Griffin: This is part of your history and you can't deny it. Shouting in German like Hitler Brian Griffin: Say, is that a beer house? Tour Guide: Oh, ja! Amsterdam is renowned for its beer houses.
showing his crotch to Peter Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, I hate it when your mother worries. She usually says things like "I told you so" and "Stop doing that, I'm asleep."
Diet Instiute Worker: Sir, you cant park your van in here. Peter Griffin: Hey, that's my kid! Diet Instiute Worker: Oh sorry. Diet Instiute Worker: Hey, don't worry, it's just a really fat kid!!
Stewie Griffin: For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
Stewie and Brian are trying to sleep in a motel, a drug deal is heard in the next room Drug Buyer: You got the stuff? Drug Dealer: Yeah I got it, where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money. Drug Buyer: No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff. Stewie Griffin: Oh, for God's sake, does anyone wait to put an end to this nuisance. yelling Stewie Griffin: HE'S WEARING A WIRE! Drug Dealer: What?! You son of a- gunshots are heard following by a "body drop" sound effect
Peter Griffin: Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die? Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death but death won't come. Chris Griffin: UPN?
Peter Griffin: Wow, is that really the blood of Christ? Preacher: Yes, it is. Peter Griffin: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
Peter is trying to potty-train Stewie Peter Griffin: You know, I oughta just give you some beer. Goes straight through you. sarcastic Peter Griffin: Eh...yeah?
Lois Griffin: Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet again. Peter Griffin: Do...do I hit 'im?
Peter Griffin: Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano. Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots...Joel! Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing.
: OK, don't panic. He was kidnapped. You go phone the police, I'll write the note. pointing at Amelia Earhart : I'll take care of her.
Stewie Griffin: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
Note: I was right about that quote! I just got back from buying 3rd season and I just watched that episode.
And well I'm on a roll here:
quote:Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me? Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the party. Lois Griffin: And what did you do? Peter Griffin: Drank at the pa-- ...Whoa! I almost walked into that one.
quote:Stewie Griffin: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
This is one of my all time favorite Family Guy quotes.
The stag party one too. Also, the diamond comercial (which is terribly inappropriate).
It's a comercial for diamonds using those black silhouettes of people getting diamonds. The guy gives the girl a diamond, she kisses him and then her head begins to... sink. It immeaditly cuts to text: "Diamonds, she'll pretty much have too"
posted
Some of those quotes are just hysterical, Strider. Like: After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style" HAHAHAHAHA! Ha! haha! ha! ::cough:: ha...
And the one where Peter thanks Jesus for making Mr. Pewterschmidt like him, and they cut to Heaven, and Jesus says "Oh, no, actually it wasn't me, it was ---" And Vishnu cuts him off, saying "It's okay. *sigh* I'm used to it."
Vishnu, right? With the many arms? Well, if not, it's Shiva.
*doesn't have the energy to look it up*
Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
)![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
