In that case, my next guess is :Locke. Quite frankly, because he said he turned something in. Does that count for a reason or do I get negative ten?
Posts: 4292 | Registered: Jan 2001
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Okay...I missed my chance to guess, I guess, but here's a critique for what it's worth:
"There she stood" is too weak a beginning. "She stood" would be better, I think.
Is the stone altar old beyond reckoning, or the woman/girl? A quibble. Sorry.
"the flickering of candles" bothered me. I guess I would've phrased it differently.
The mood is dark & foreboding. I could maybe wish for some different choices of adjectives. Like, instead of "a light wind" (which uses the word light in an otherwise "dark" passage) you might use something like "a faltering wind" OH I DON'T KNOW. Maybe play with it a bit and see if you can't find some other adjectives that line up better with the moood of the piece??
I feel like I should say that it was just about this time in November when I began to stop even lurking, and was fully detatched from Hatrack. I had no idea that this thread existed. I was even more suprised to find that one of my pieces was up here, and even more surprised after that to find that people though I was a woman-- not that I'm offended, or anything. I'm sorry I didn't answer to this thread to confirm, but, like I said, I wasn't even aware that it was here.
Posts: 1744 | Registered: Jul 2001
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