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Topic: LOTR Wenches' Tavern

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

Mayday: after saving all the wenches, you'll surely get invited to WenchCon 2005. You could even drag your new hubby along.

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004 | IP: Logged |

MaydayDesiax
Member
Member # 5012

posted

Alas, we'll still be betrothed then, but if I can make it, sounds like a plan!

Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*raps loudly on the doorjam*

*hollers through the open door*

Anybody here?

*kicks the mud off his boots and then enters*

*finds an overstuffed chair, takes his boots off, and puts his feet up*

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*is awakened by the sound of hooves on the wood floor*

*sees a goat chewing on his boot*

*offers the goat some Old Toby in exchange for the boot*

*is traumatized when the goat takes the weed and his hand*

*starts a web page about his experience*

[ April 30, 2004, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: doobie ]

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

Jenny Gardener
Member
Member # 903

posted

*Jenny sits at the bar, head in her folded arms, weeping*

...they weren't supposed to hurt anybody! And I would've fetched them out once they'd hung around for a while and learned not to go where they weren't supposed to! And now the Wizards will come back and (hic) ruin everything. And the spiders - all the beautiful spiders! They're dead!

*weeps some more*

Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*walks in stocking feet over to the bar to see what the nice lady is crying about*

What's that you say about spiders?

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

Jenny Gardener
Member
Member # 903

posted

I borrowed some spiders from Mirkwood, and those Innocent Idiots Killed Them All!

They were poking around where they shouldn't be, and the Guards naturally went to investigate. They wrap up everyone who goes down there until I can decide what to do with them.

But the foolish brave eejits BLASTED them! And now the Elf-King will be made at me, and the Wizards might come back.

And I didn't even have a breeding population!

WAAAAAAHHHH [Cry]

Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*is taken aback by the woman’s devotion to such loathsome creatures*

Well, I um, ahem, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I just thought I'd drop in on my way home from my rounds to see if anyone's seen my brother since I last passed through. He’s been missing for over a week.

Oh, and I’ve got a few extra casks of pipeweed to sell cheap if you’re in need of some. This crop is so bad, that we’ve had a lot of canceled orders up north.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*overhears Jenny lamenting the loss of her preciousss friends*

*thinks Mommy Bugga Bugga has taken her hobby too far*

*wants to know why Jenny’s babies turned her into a cocoon along with all the other wenches*

*concludes that spiders must be impossible to domesticate*

Well Jenny, now that you’re up and about, we’ll leave the tavern operation to you and get back to our adventuring.

By the way, we’re thinking that the Bachelor Wizards’ Pad would make an excellent base for our activities once we get it cleaned up. How would you like to rent the space to us?

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004 | IP: Logged |

Shan
Member
Member # 4550

posted

*Wanders in from an exciting bout of weed-tussling and gasps in dismay at Jenny's sorrowing form*

*Hurries over and softly rubs Jenny's back*

"Oh Jenny - don't cry - there has to be a way to make it all better. Maybe I should transplant some of the extra-thorny rose bushes in pots in front of that darned cellar door? How can I help?"

*Grimaces at the adventurers* [No No]

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*turns to greet Shan*

Greetings madame. I'm searching for my brother. You wouldn't by chance have seen a young hobbit with a scar on his chin while you were out and about would you?

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*remembers having extracted an unfamiliar hobbit from a cocoon*

Excuse me sir, did you say you were looking for a lost young hobbit?

My cohorts and I recently rescued a hobbit from a spiders' lair, but I'm afraid I didn't get a very good look at him.

He's still unconscious but we have him recuperating in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I understand that one of the wenches has taken quite a liking to him.

Why don't we look in on him and see if he's your brother?

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004 | IP: Logged |

Shan
Member
Member # 4550

posted

*glares at skillery*

"You can be sooo callous! Look! Look at how the patroness of this wondrous, magical, hospitable establishment is feeling just now!"

*hmphhh*

*regards doobie with a jaundiced, slightly suspicious air*

"Sir, I could not speak as to the whereabouts of your brother. But, I pray you, to do no harm to our fair environs during your stay here."

*Resumes consoling Jenny*

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*claps his hands and bounces up and down in typical excited hobbit fashion at the prospect of finding his lost brother*

*hands Jenny a clean hanky*

*quickly retrieves his boots and then follows skillery upstairs*

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*grabs remote off the bar and clicks the TV off*

*glances at skillery's snoozing barcolounged form*

*watches wenches washing glasses*

"So, uh, whaddya gals do for fun around here?"

Posts: 3061 | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged |

MaydayDesiax
Member
Member # 5012

posted

::goes up to Jenny, face down, toeing the floor::

Sorry boss, I had no idea that they were your pets. If I had, I wouldn't have done anything to them.

::offers to go to Mirkwood to accept the Elf-King's wrath::

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*climbs the stairs to ladyday's tower room with Doobie in tow*

We put the boy up here because this room has the best air circulation.

*knocks on the tower room door*

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doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*impatiently pushes past skillery and throws open the door to the room*

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*hauls ass up the stairs after skillery and doobie*

"guys!"

*comes to halt as doobie opens the door and gasps*

"Guys?!"

*looks over doobie's shoulder and faints*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*claps his hands over his ears and groans in agony*

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doobie
Member
Member # 6422

posted

*sees skillery and Fallow suffering*

*sighs*

I guess Middle-Earth isn't ready for rock & roll.

C'mon bro, let's go home.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*follows the Doobie Brothers downstairs and bids them farewell*

*returns to the Bachelor Wizards' Pad to resume the cleanup*

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*steps carefully through the muck and scattered exoskeletons of the slaughtered spiders*

*wonders how he's going to get rid of this mess*

Maybe one of Mayday's spells...

*spots a trembling, silky mass attached to the wall*

*moves closer for a better look*

Spider eggs!

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Jenny Gardener
Member
Member # 903

posted

What? Eggs?

Egads, that wild one I ran off must have bred with our locals!

*dances*

Well, intrepid adventurers, if you want to make up for your mistakes, I will need some spider handlers soon...

See, they're really quite tame if you bring them up knowing people from the time they hatch...

Pick one out, feed it small creatures, and make sure it gets to know you. Then it will respond to you and it can be your charge.

And thanks for all the kind words.

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*fertilizes Telperion's roots with shovel loads of spider goop*

*starts clearing away spider carcasses to make room for a new spider kennel*

*decides to go high-tech with the spider-raising facilities*

*goes online and orders nautilus training equipment and a treadmill*

*knows absolutely nothing about raising baby spiders*

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*rises and peers into Ladyday's tower room*

*spinning*

*hears dobie call out to skillery*

*glances left and right*

"bro!"

*hears bootheels beating a retreat down the stairs*

*shields eyes from the midday sun glaring through the window and struggles to focus on the corner of the room*

Posts: 3061 | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged |

Lara
Member
Member # 132

posted

*waits for fallow to get himself together*

"You alright, sir? They went downstairs."

*gathers up linens from the bed, eyeing the stranger in the door.*

"The lot of you could do with some fresh air."

*finishes shaking linens out at the window*

Posts: 377 | Registered: May 1999 | IP: Logged |

fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*steps into the room*

"I'm sorry, Miss, but which way?"

fallow

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Lara
Member
Member # 132

posted

"Well, not out the window."

*smiles to herself about the joke, then notices fallow's confused expression.*

*in exasperation*

"Down the stairs, right passed ye."

*muttering*

"Twitty drunk hobits."

(edit: I'm confused)

[ May 16, 2004, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: Lara ]

Posts: 377 | Registered: May 1999 | IP: Logged |

fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*turns an ear toward Lara and cups*

"The window you say?!"

*dashes directly into the sunbeams penetrating the room as a shadow suddenly eclipses their source*

*fallow recoils from the window and whimpers*

"mistress?"

Posts: 3061 | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*is exhausted after spending most of the day hauling spider carcasses out to the refuse heap and setting up the nursery for the babies*

*wonders what baby spiders eat*

*discovers by googling that baby spiders eat their mommies*

*spends the rest of the day hauling spider carcasses from the refuse heap back down to the Bachelor Wizardsâ€™ Pad*

*discovers by googling that after the baby spiders eat their mommies, they eat each other*

*stays up all night dividing up the nursery into compartments*

*wonders why he is doing this*

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Telperion the Silver
Member
Member # 6074

posted

*ponders*
*thinks*
*comes to a decision*

*offers a glowing branch for baby spiders to suck on*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*wakes up from a fitful sleep in the Barcalounger*

*finds himself covered with newly-hatched baby spiders*

*tiptoes carefully across the spider-covered floor to where Telperion the Silver waits*

*places the baby spiders, one at a time, on Telperion's outstretched branch*

Drink up lads! Your training begins in the morning.

*wonders what kind of training regimen would work best*

*starts to calculate the cost of athletic footwear*

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Telperion the Silver
Member
Member # 6074

posted

Woooooohohohohoo! [Eek!]

Stop that you tickeling spider babies!

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*stops whimpering and straightens up*

*catches a glimpse of skillery landing on the lawn below as his parachute reliquishes the sunlight*

*fallow turns back to the illuminated room and addresses..."

"Lara?"

*paces back and forth*

"hurrumph!"

*kneels and slaps ear to floor to hear what the lads are up to down below*

(edit: *checks chronometer*)

[ May 08, 2004, 01:09 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*drops and rolls on the lawn, becoming entangled in the shroud lines and canopy*

*is quite shaken after ejecting from his F-14 Tomcat over the dense forest*

*is glad to have found this clearing for his landing*

*sees a quaint old inn nearby*

*lifts the visor on his helmet to get a better look*

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*purses and hums to self*

*wonders what to do with all these linens... notes the knotted bits every 10ft or so"

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*gently removes each baby spider from Telperion's branch and places each in its compartment*

G'night lads, pleasant dreams.

*goes up to the tavern for a bite to eat*

*finds some leftover mushroom stew and some stale bread and takes a seat at the table in the corner*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*removes his pack and extracts himself from the tangled shrouds*

*rolls up the parachute and hides it in the bushes*

*stumbles toward the inn*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*feels quite content, having finished his stew and bread*

*settles back in his chair and dozes*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*walks in through the open door and calls out*

Anybody home?

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*sprints down stairs, crashes out onto the porch, lights torch and waves frantically*

*SWOOSH!*

SKILLERY?!

*fallow waves torch randomly about the garden*

SKILLERY?!

*spies skillery's weary face*

*points torch in skillery's direction and approaches*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*is startled awake by someone in the doorway calling out*

*sees a man in strange garb and a gaudy silver helmet*

*rises to greet the newcomer*

*watches as the man removes his helmet*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*starts to remove helmet*

*is momentarily distracted by someone outside in the garden, waving a lit torch in broad daylight*

*turns back inside the inn and finds himself face to face with...himself*

*collapses to the floor in an unconscious heap*

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*is momentarily distracted by a drunken Fallow, who is waving a torch in the garden*

*turns his attention to the stranger and sees that the man in the helmet is...himself*

*lapses into unconsciousness*

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MaydayDesiax
Member
Member # 5012

posted

Hello everyone! Sorry for being gone, turns out that King Thranduil wasn't as mad as we thought he'd be, although I ran into a bit of trouble and got lost, had to have a ranger save me...

*sighs romantically*

::goes outside and makes a pen for the baby spiders::

(sidenote: I actually had a dream in which my fiancee was a ranger... An Asian ranger, very curious...)

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*wakes up with a nasty headache*

What a strange dream...darned psychedelic mushrooms!

*retrieves the pot of leftover stew, takes it out to the privy, and dumps it down the hole*

*brings the baby spiders up for a bit of fresh air*

Look lads what auntie Mayday has built for you.

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fallow
Member
Member # 6268

posted

*wakes from fitful sleep only to discover he's been blinded!*

*slaps hands to eyes and discovers hard metal surface*

"what's this?"

*removes helmet*

*turns helmet over and over in hands, inspecting*

"well, that's odd."

*spies reflection in visor and shrieks*

"somebody needs a shower and a shave"

*pauses to reflect, crunches numbers with fingers*

1. Exited the forest.

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skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

*is surprised at how quickly the spiderlings are coming along, thanks to a steady diet of Telperion's dew of silver light*

*wonders how spiders raised as vegetarians will fare in the wilds*

*spends the afternoon teaching the spiders to do somersaults on the Bachelor Wizard Pad's trampoline*

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004 | IP: Logged |

skillery
Member
Member # 6209

posted

Hmmm, I wonder if folks would pay to see a troupe of giant acrobatic spiders...

*finds an old, broken down wagon in the shed and starts to fix it up*

*paints the wagon in bright colors, with the name of his traveling show in golden runes*

*signs a lucrative endorsement deal with a major athletic footwear manufacturer*

*straps hi-top sneakers onto 328 spindly feet*

*harnesses 40 bulging abdomens to the wagon's traces*

*climbs into the seat next to the show's star performer*

Heeeyaaaaw!

*disappears in a cloud of dust*

*hopes someone remembers to feed the goat*

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