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afr --- oh, of course we would! Shoot - at KamaCon we had like six people on laptops all in the same room posting on Hatrack to each other and others...
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The idea has always intrigued me. I don't mind the hard work aspect of it, but I'm selfish. I'd have to give up too many of my hobbies, though some would fit in the lifestyle. But others, like showing dogs wouldn't fit in at all, and I don't think the Monks of New Skete would take me in, the whole gender and religion problem...
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The idea has always seemed to appeal to me as well. I love the idea of a community garden and more recently someone was talking to me about a dinner group they had where everyone cooked one meal a week. They really liked it because you knew you were getting home cooked meals every night and you only had to think of one meal to plan and it is much easier to plan for one big meal than seven small ones.
These things I could do without a commune, I know and aren't related to Hatrack in the least.
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I would live in a commune simply for the occasional babysitting. I imagine it would be super easy to exchange babysitting in a commune.
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Yep, childcare is really flexible here, new moms and dads especially like it, it's easy to hand off a baby or toddler for a few hours while you go work or play or sleep or whatever... and some parents bring their kids along to their work (either so they're nearby, or for the kids to help if they're old enough)
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Wow, plaid - I had no idea you lived in such a community. I checked out your website and found it very interesting. Do you mind if I ask how you came to be there?
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I don't know if Drogo's remark was aimed at me---but all I meant was that it would be easy to set it up with another set of parents where we could drop off our kids for an evening and go out and catch a movie or something. And in turn they could drop off their kids with us for their own date night. I imagine in a commune it wouldn't take hours of arranging schedules just to do a simple exchange like that.
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Has anyone heard of Cohousing? It's a less commune-y type of community that's becoming more popular in the US (it's more widespread in Europe and Japan, from what I've heard)... there's a couple ways to do it, groups either try to buy a bunch of houses near one another, or start fresh by designing a development...
Basic idea = folks still have separate jobs/incomes and their own separate living spaces... but they'll eat together a few times a week, and share some resources... so, a Cohousing group in Portland I knew that bought up a bunch of houses near one another would share meals a few times a week... and one yard would have a big vegetable garden for all to use... and each house would try to have a different communal resource for folks to use (photo lab, pottery studio, etc.)
Or, famously (in a Cohousing famous kind of way), Village Homes in Davis, California was developed so that it be more ecological (less driveways, more orchard and garden space)... the problem with most city (and suburban) apartments/houses being that most yards are too small to have trees AND lawns AND gardens AND playspace... but if you're thinking on a more group level, you can do stuff like minimize driveways and consolidate vegetable gardens and orchards and trees and playspaces...
It varies with the cohousing groups, but generally they set it up so that you either rent from the group, or buy from the group but agree to sell your house back to them if you leave.
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I've been interested in some sort of cohousing idea. You'd be able to have a close-knit group of people who can rely on each other and a lot of amenities that no one can afford on their own. Plus, communal meals and babysitting built right in.
But it'd be hard to arrange, and the soon-to-be lawyer in me can think of a hundred different law suits arising out of such a setup.
I've been here almost 9 years. I lived in a group household ("The Tofu Swamp" ) after college and liked that; later one of my friends from that house moved to East Wind, I heard about it from her and came out to visit one winter in between farming seasons out in Oregon. I had a great time, and so a year later I came back and have been here since.
I'm actually planning on shifting communities soon, to East Wind's older sibling in Virginia, Twin Oaks Community -- www.twinoaks.org -- for a bunch of reasons, but basically because it's a bit more organized and it's closer to my brother's family in NJ.
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I don't chat. If she talks about it anywhere else, I've missed it. But I'm rather skeptical that she intends to engage in ANYTHING meaty with the "spouses" involved.
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I agree with dags that the cohousing thing sounds interesting . . . mayhaps I shall look into such after my degree is completed.
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A group of roomates and I decided we'd try to live the law of consecration (not exactly, but our best apporximation of it) for a while and it worked out really well. We'd all buy food and whatnot when we could, making sure that we got things for everybody. I worked a lot of hours and made more money, so I bought a lot of the food, and the roommate who didn't have a job did a lot of the cleaning and jobs around the house.
It worked until one of the girls got a boyfriend who told her that we were taking advantage of her and that she needed to be more assertive. She started having a cupboard of food we couldn't eat and would assign us chores to do on days she was gone. We finally decided we'd just go back to the standard fend-for-yourself model, which was really too bad. I think everyone had been a lot better off before. Any sort of commune is only as good as the dedication of the people involved.
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Yeah, a family is law of consecration by definition, I guess. Though I think it's good when each person also has some of their own resources they have absolute control over. If only for buying each other gifts!
Tom, you are squicking me out. I don't do public speculation about your family life and I'd count it a great courtesy if you would refrain from thinking about ours. But I will say that you seem to have totally misunderstood everything I've posted here on the subject of married relationships. The metaphor of the mountain lake is the key if you'd like to understand it. If you're just heckling why then
[ August 26, 2004, 04:11 AM: Message edited by: ak ]
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Perhaps, rather than continuing to a cite a metaphor that I've said I no longer recall, you'd like to actually EXPLAIN what you mean rather than remaining cryptic?
I was deliberately squicking you out, BTW. As far as I'm concerned, there are actual consequences, rewards, and ramifications associated with actual marriage that are not, as far as I can tell, associated with the virtual marriages you're elated about. Unless I'm again missing some vital bit of information here, I think you're cheapening the word "marriage" by applying it to a form of dependent friendship.
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I beg your pardon for cheapening your marriage, my dear Tom! I had no idea! Please extend my deepest apologies to Christy as well and tell me what I can do to make amends?
I have not said we are married. I have said we are engaged. I'm delighted with that and my fiances seem to be as well, and am so happy that my friends share my joy.
I am completely puzzled by your hostile reaction here, but if there's any way I can fix it I would love the chance to do that. Indeed my joy is full, and I would that the whole world were joyful as well.
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Ah. It's not that I'm angry, Anne Kate. It's that I'm kind of sad.
Do you intend to actually marry either of the two lads? If not, then engagement is at best a bad pun.
I don't mean to sound hostile, but I worry sometimes about things it's not my business to worry about and lack the tact to avoid the subject altogether.
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P.S. Slashy has given us his blessing. Shall I have him speak to you about it? I'm puzzled how it is that I could possibly have offended thee by getting engaged. Perhaps Slashy and you could understand each other better?
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There are four now and of course I intend to marry them!
Main Entry: enĀ·gageĀ·ment Pronunciation: in-'gAj-m&nt, en- Function: noun 2 : a mutual promise or contract for a future marriage
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I'll call you on that one, Anne Kate. I don't think you DO intend to marry them, at least not in the commonly-understood way. If I have that wrong, I wholeheartedly apologize.
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Out of interest, WHEN do you intend to marry these four young bachelors? Who had you picked to officiate? Where were you going to hold the ceremony, and who's picking the dance music for the reception?
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We haven't set a date, and so of course no arrangements have yet been made. You and Christy shall certainly get an announcement when the time comes.
Mmmmmmm, pie! <licks> My favorite! Chocolate cream! Thanks, Scott!
[ August 26, 2004, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: ak ]
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Who proposed, and how was it done? Have you told the parents yet, or were you intending to elope?
You get my point, I hope. You're playacting, as far as I can tell; your "engagements" don't appear to be any more real than the promises twenty-somethings make to each other when they're single, the ones like "if we're still single at forty, we'll get married, right?"
This doesn't mean that you don't care a great deal for these kids, Anne Kate. But I think you're confusing maternal instinct with amor.