posted
Grisha originally came up with the idea of marrying me, he and another both together. I was the one who actually proposed to Grisha and Rahul together, in a chatroom where we were playing trivia with some of Rahul's friends, and they both accepted. Then later I proposed to Jorge and he accepted. After that I proposed to D and he refused, but we persisted and a few nights later when Grisha proposed to him again in hatrack chat he acquiesced.
I couldn't be happier. I'm seriously the luckiest girl in the supercluster. These four guys are the most awesome people I've ever known. I adore them all to little bitty pieces.
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posted
Eduardo -- well, when you've got 75 interesting and idealistic people living and working together and helping to raise each other's kids... there's lots of sparks...
So, if you're imagining Hatrack as a commune, imagine that Eddie, Balder, Tom, Thor, Ron Lambert, David Bowles, Sara, Ralphie, Slash, dkw, and Bob (thinking of some of the more prominent and/or colorful jatraqueros) are part of it and dealing with working together, raising their kids, doing long-term economic planning and making membership decisions... yep, it'd be interesting...
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posted
And I think we'll have a blissful idyllic family life filled with wonderful music and joy and fun. And yes, of course I actually intend to marry them. That's what is commonly meant by the word "engagement" (see definition posted earlier).
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posted
Law of Consecration-- as loosely defined in Mormon terminology, having all things (talents, materials, etc) held by the community for use within the community.
posted
And I think what Anna (Toretha) was trying to say earlier, and perhaps what I intended to hint as well, is that one can't really speak with authority about another's feelings, instincts, true intentions, etc, so that it's really best overall just to accept what they say about those things.
I hope I've never done that to you, tried to tell you what you were feeling. I think I've mainly shared your joy, both at your marriage and at the advent of the wonderful Sophie.
[ August 26, 2004, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: ak ]
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posted
(Reading ak's posts) oh yeah, and have them dating one another, and have a few people trying out polyamory (usually disastrously)...
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posted
I notice I'm not on that list. I almost never make the Prominent Hatrackers list. *thinks* It's probably because I'm not particularly nice online. <whoops> I am nicer in person.
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I'm nicer in person, too, Kat, but it's probably because I get to hide behind my monitor and say how I really feel without having to see the hurt or annoyance on their faces. In person, I have to care what people think, so I act nicer.
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ack, this is the problem with coming up with a list in 10 seconds, I should've just said "imagine hatrackers a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i, and j [fill in the names yourself]"
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posted
I'm nicer in person because it takes so much out of me (as it does out of other people) to be the same person to a hundred as to a few. It's a recipe for major burnout. The upside is that I don't leave: the downside is that not all of me is here.
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And OSC's essay is one of the reasons I don't leave and am not as fond of the other forums as I am of this one. Favorite living author, there.
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And as I said, have you actually mentioned this to anyone's parents? Have you considered dates? Having met "Grisha," and having met other people who have recently been engaged, I must say that he acted like no other engaged person I've ever met.
<Note: paragraph removed at Anne Kate's request.>
These "marriages," to me, seem like one more step up from the Hug Thread; they're a way of PRETENDING to give people hugs without actually having to hug anyone, and a way of receiving hugs without having to actually work for them. Marriage is WORK. It is a solemn vow and a serious sharing of not just mind and "joy" and happiness but genuine responsibility. What you have here, as far as I can tell, is a bunch of good friendships.
Again, I don't want you to sell your good friendships short. But until "Grisha's" shown up on your doorstep with a ring and asked your family for your hand, this is no realer an engagement than a tamagotchi is a pet.
Here's the deal: you DON'T intend to marry all four of 'em, because it's not legal to do so and you haven't shown any sign of trying to get that changed. Nor does your church, to which you express devotion, permit polyandry. Nor do you intend, as far as I can tell, to outlive 'em all and marry them in series.
You're a very caring, very wonderful, and very loving person, Anne Kate. I don't like the thought of you sealing yourself off from an actual relationship by surrounding yourself with phantoms -- no matter how real the friendships are at the heart of those longings.
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See, Kat, I used to feel that way about myself, but I realized something. It's not harder for me to be nice to a group of people, it's harder for me to assimilate to a group of people. If I'm dealing with one or two people, I can say whatever they want to hear without annoying anyone else. If I try that in a large group, someone will call my bluff.
/extreme honesty on my part
*grimace*
Oh, this isn't supposed to imply anything about you, it just got me thinking about myself.
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posted
*sits on the couch between AJ and PSI, bug-eyed*
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(Since the original topic appears to be stalled...) Maybe it's because I'm a little less attentive in person? It's not hard to be nice in person because you only talk to one or two at a time, at the most. Online, I read everything, and think about everything, and I can't act on what I want to say because there isn't really an end to it, and it's not consequenceless for me. It takes too much out of me. I have to admit I'm here at Hatrack for entirely selfish reasons - I love it, and there's interaction with people here that I don't do in any other part of my life. But I can't be always who I am in person. I just can't. Since it isn't really fair to go Jekyll and Hyde, I usually don't begin.
posted
Katie, I took that list as being hatrackers who might be particularly thorny and or exciting to get along with. <laughs> Notice that it is headed by Baldar. I think it's a compliment that we were left off. At least I know I'm relieved to have been.
Tom, dear heart, I am deeply grateful for your concern. Indeed I know that I have ventured to give you advice in the past which was perhaps bordering on being this impertinent, motivated by a desire for your best happiness, as I know yours is for me. I will take your concerns into sincere consideration.
Grisha is, as are all four of my fiances, one of the awesomest people I know and I consider myself extremely lucky to be engaged to him. I don't convey such compliments lightly.
[ August 26, 2004, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: ak ]
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posted
Kat: Well, maybe you are so unique and interesting and loved and elegant and sauve that you are the only one suited to be on any list that could reasonably include you. So -- you are on everyone's list -- it's just that you're the only one on that list. And the list doesn't come up in regular conversation here because, well, there's no controversy about it. It's just THE LIST.
Or at least that's what I tell MYself. .
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These four guys are the most awesome people I've ever known. I adore them all to little bitty pieces.
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