posted
When your girlfriend tells you she wants to "talk about the relationship", well...it isn't hard to know what comes. She asked for some weeks to think about her life, and things like that. Just happened. I don't know how much of me you'll see from now on. Could be less, could be more, I don't know yet. The reasons are a bit private, and I don't want to vent, yet. I'm not crying a river. Already did it. I'm kind of...numb, right now. I'll carry on with my life, while I wait. I have my work, my writings, my friends...and I include you, hatrackers, as such. For the hatrack gaming group...don't worry, guys. I'll need the distraction. The game will go on, I guess...well...still, I hope, if I don't get too depressed. I'll try to keep myself busy.
Hey, people...I still believe in love, ok? So, this post does not nullify my other one, about "showing love to your significant other". To tell you all the truth, I'm still very much in love. And now, I'm crying again.
I know it's not the end of the world, and that most of you have more pressing and grave concerns. I'm sorry. I had to take it off my chest, and I just can't speak right now. Typing in a different language helps a little, as the emotions, in some way, do not show quite as much as they would otherwise.
Posts: 1785 | Registered: Oct 2003
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That's not a guaranteed end of all things. It's entirely possible she has to do some thinking about what she wants - it's not unheard of, particularly since women tend to be so much more aware of emotional nuances than we are.
If and when you feel like posting more, I'm sure the more understanding women will be happy to offer their insights into her behavior, and I promise I won't tell you to cheer up.
posted
"Que sera, sera" - Spanish, not your native language, I know, but still very true. Edit to say that I meant that more as a second to Trevor's post than anything else - nothing is certain right now.
::Huggles:: to you though, hun. You've always been a "favorite" of mine here, so it makes me sad to see you so, whatever the reason.
Though the "talk" thing is generally not good...it is not always the end. It can also be comments about moving forward...or her wanting to make some sort of location change, or any number of other things that can run through the mind of women
I hope things turn out ok
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
*HUG Ed* I know I'm only 18 and therefor not terribly experienced in these matters, but thus far in my experience, if you give things enough time and don't give up they always work out quite well. The keys are giving it enough time and never giving up.
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Wait until you talk to get too upset. Sometimes things turn out better then you would think. I hope everything turns out well. Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Ditto what everyone said here. Hatrack's a great place to vent, too. It will be okay - whatever happens.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Thanks for your support, people. It's been a harsh day for me. I guess I must sound quite pathetic, but you see...for me, this relationship is/was for real. SHE was the one who bought alliances and asked me. She's been quite stressed, trying to find a job, with a sick mother, and stuff...there were some personal issues, of course. There are always, doesn't it? But I thought we could face it all together.
Guess I was too naive again. Always was, when dealing with women. If this doesn't end well, I swear I'll go at least a year before another serious relationship. Posts: 1785 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Too bad, Eduardo. Cheer up, though, think of all the D&D you'll have time to play now. And there are other women out there. Plainly, this one doesn't deserve you.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I'm sorry you're having to go through this. If it turns out that she really does break it off forever, you're better off in the long run, though. It doesn't do to marry someone who isn't totally sure.
If that's the way it goes, please do give yourself time to grieve and recover. It's not fair to you or the next person if you aren't really ready for a relationship. It can certainly take a year. Sometimes less, sometimes more.
I hope this all works out. She sounds like she has a lot of stress in her life. Perhaps she feels guilty because she can't give the relationship everything she thinks she should?
As I've said in other threads, I don't think there's any "deserving" or "not deserving" in love... It probably just happens that with all the problems she has, she feels like it's too much to concentrate on you too right now. I know, you said that you could probably *help* instead of just being another *need* in her life, but probably she doesn't perceive it like that. I know it happened to me too, the other way around: I knew the hardest year awaited me, and having a girlfriend was suppose to ease things up, you know, by having someone to always count on, or ask for help. It turned out that I just couldn't give her enough attention and didn't even have the time to be helped by her... So I ended it all.
I hope this is not it. I see that you still love her, and so I hope that she'll eventually come back to you after thinking enough about it. But if she doesn't, don't blame her. Never works. Because of some thing or another the feelings she had for you are not there anymore. The cause is there, but you probably don't see it. (she probably doesn't see it either, but she can still act on the consequences...) Don't blame yourself either, or consider yourself naive, each relationship is different, and even if you've been in a thousand, something will still surprize you in the next one. And it's a good thing too, how dull would it be to know all beforehand ALL the situations that can arise in a relationship ?!
And don't be afraid to vent. We all have our bad moments, and getting it off of your chest is always good!
posted
{{{{{Ed}}}}} I agree with some of the other posts in that her other stresses are probably playing a large part in her decision that she needs some time and space. She may simply be afraid that she won't be able to give you the attention she thinks you deserve from her because of everything else she's dealing with. So don't give up on her just yet!
posted
Eduardo, I am very sorry to hear this, and I really feel for you. I know that it probably doesn't help to hear this right now, but I have been there too. It took me years to recover, and I almost missed out on my wonderful wife because she reminded me too much of the girl I had just gotten over. As a matter of fact, my wife was interested in me for almost two years, and I avoided getting close to her for so long that she had given up on me.
But once I had moved on and was ready for one more attempt, I thought of her.
We celebrate our first year of marriage next month, on October 18th.
Just hang in there, and let her have her space for now. Maybe it will work itself out....maybe not.
Either way, you are one of the nicest people I have "met" here, and I hope it works out for you both.
quote: She's been quite stressed, trying to find a job, with a sick mother, and stuff...there were some personal issues, of course.
((Eduardo))
But from the above statement -- perhaps she is just feeling a little overwhelmed? I know my personality type doesn't like to "share" the emotional load with anyone else -- thus often leading to feelings of being overwhelmed. And to me (personally) guys are just "one more thing" to grab my time and attention, thus being sometimes more of a burden than an asset.
Hopefully after a little space she will be able to discuss with you what she is feeling.
posted
Oh, Eduardo... I'm so sorry! (((((((((((((((((Eduardo))))))))))))))))))) It's really rough to see you in this state... generally you're the one poster I look to to make me smile, we can't have a sad Eduardo! You're always happy, you spread a little happy bubble around you, and you always touch people with it. It's something I really like about you!
I really hope this gets better for you, pal... my e-mail and IM are in profile, please please don't hesitate to use them if you want to talk... I'd be happy to do what I can, even though I know I won't be able to do a whole lot, I can still send you all my sympathy. *hugs again* Good luck, mon ami, ok? (((((Eduardo)))))
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Eduardo, I am sorry. It seems to going around, people needing time to think. You invest so much time with someone and then one day they decide that maybe they have found something better, or that they aren't really sure what they want from life.
Posts: 153 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Ok. Now I'm venting. This morning was like...hell! Call me egocentric, if you want! Call me an insensitive guy who don't care enough for the feelings of other persons.
Almost three years I've been there for her! I tried to make everything right! Supported her! Helped her through family illness, through family deaths! Through being unemployed, through being lonly and sad, sometimes... I shared all happiness I had to give! I thrully did! I tried to change many things about myself, for her...I...sheesh... She told me how I helped her "grow", and that she hoped she also helped me to "grow"? What's that? I'm a stepping stone, right now? A ladder? You climb and say "bye, ladder, see ya!?" What was that? If I hadn't helped her to "find her own strenght", as she said, she would still need me? Should I be a jerk for now on? Should I mistreat and abuse every woman I'm with? That's it!?
Because if that is "being man enought", I'm sure wasn't. A "macho", guy, maybe? A latin, thing...a Brazilian sterotype. He...I don't know what I'm talking about, right now. I'm crying tears of rage, right now. Rage! Yeah, it's silly! Yeah, I'm not a teenager! I should have been past this kind or reaction for 10 years or so!
But still, that's me. Yes, I'm in pain. And i'm trying to act as if nothing happend. Her sister and his mother called me to say how they're sorry, and that they hope she changes her mind. Hahaha! Isn't that great? I mean...ISN'T THAT F* GREAT!? I'm loved by the whole family members but the one I realy care about!
Almost didn't sleep. Wrote. This.
Guardo em teus olhos saudades em patins. O gelo da saudade é frio como teus olhos
À distância deslizas em patins de saudade frios como teus olhos
No meu coração frio Saudades dos teus olhos.
You won't understand, of course...sorry...I'm not feeling like translating it, right now. And I see this post is a lot of...he...let's not get you acquainted with my filthy mouth, right now. I'm outta here. Should not get near the keybord with an empty stomach. Sorry if I offended anyone here in any way.
Posts: 1785 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I'm so so sorry. You deserve much better than that. For certain you do. You're an awesome guy. She's crazy to let you go. I'm very sorry.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I have seen this happen before, it has happened a little bit in my own life as well.
Somone believes in you and needs you. You grow by leaps and bounds as a result of their belief and confidience in you. But as you grow more yourself, you realize that they do need you, and you don't believe that you can ever do enough to fill that need. (Even if just being yourself and believing in them too is all they actually want) So you run because even though they believe in you and you've done all these wonderful things as a result, you still don't believe in yourself. And end up destroying everything good that had been built.
People are always going to be broken. Everyone is. The question is whether your brokeness are in areas where the other person can help, or if you are broken in the same spots.
posted
I know what you mean, being married 4 years with a 1/12 year old and now he needs to think, he needs space. I was upset last night when it happened but now I am just pissed..and think maybe things aren't what the seem. -Arthur (i don't know how I got on the Tick's log on)
posted
(((Eduardo))) You are a great addition to Hatrack and a great person. You don't deserve the torture she's putting you through.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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You know, I told Porter I needed to "take a break" for awhile and figure things out. This right before he was going to propose to me. I did take that break for several weeks. Then I came back to him. I am married to him now.
But I think he can relate a lot to what you are feeling. Like the part about my family wanting us to get together. He thought, great. Her family likes me. Now I just gotta work on her.
If you were a good thing in her life, she will come back to you. That is, if she knows what will make her happy. If for some reason you were not a good thing in her life, than it is better for you to be apart--in spite of all you have given and sacrificed.
It seems to me that when someone needs "a break" there usually are specific reasons. More specific than "I need to think about my life". But either they can't articulate those reasons, or they are not willing to. I know that the person left "in the dark" really would like those reasons.
Looking back, I should have given Porter better reasons than I did. Part of it was that I wasn't as good back then at pinpointing my feelings. But I also wasn't willing to. I think I was afraid that explaining my emotional conflict would ruin all chance of us getting back together again. Somethings a couple has to work out together, somethings a person has to work out alone.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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