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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Update on the girl who stood me up

   
Author Topic: Update on the girl who stood me up
Boris
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I asked her to be completely honest with me about why she cancelled her date with me. She said she'd just gotten back together with her boyfriend. So yeah, she's uhh...Off the list. (And as a side note, I told her that I hoped "he was worth the sacrifice of integrity [she'd] made by standing me up".) I'm proud of myself now. I used to be afraid to tell people when they'd wronged me and let them know how I felt about it. I used to think it would take away from my "niceness". Butafter finding out the real reasons for her cancelling, I realized it was her at fault, not me, and she needed to know that.
[Smile]

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Phanto
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Boris, you are an amazing person. You are great, you are awesome, and we need more like you!

Good luck!

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WishfulWiggin
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Thats really cool of you for telling her what you think. I know a lot of people, including myself, wouldn't have the courage. Good for you, Boris.
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Noemon
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Glad that's resolved. Now you don't have to think about it any longer.
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Kwea
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I think you did the roght thing about that....but don't ake it too far. I would be friendly to her as youo have classes together, but not real friendly. Be pleasent, but don't make excuses to talk to her.

Good Luck!

Kwea

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Boris
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Well, I told her my feelings through email. She called me about it saying, "I've been stood up tons, why are you complaining about it" or some such thing. I guess I was a little mean in my email...But still. Being stood up a lot is no rationalization for standing someone else up. I'd imagine knowing what it's like to BE stood up would prevent someone from inflicting that kind of torment on another person. I guess I'm an unusual person...Now I feel bad about it. Jeez...
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Kwea
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Just don't get caught up in the drama about it, that is all I am saying.

It is very easy to be dragged through it all again, for no good reason.

I have one thing for you to say to her.....
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NEXT!

[Big Grin]

Kwea

[ November 12, 2004, 01:15 AM: Message edited by: Kwea ]

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newfoundlogic
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That's unfortunately a pretty common sentiment. My parents always used to justify things they did or didn't let me do with, "That's what your grandparents did."
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Boris
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Thanks Kwea...I needed that advice (As I was thinking about dragging myself through it all again just to prove I was a "nice guy".)
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Kwea
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I figured as much...I did the same thing over and over, and it took me years (I am not kidding...years!) to figure out that nice guy doesn't have to equal gutless wonder.

It is OK to stand up for yourself, but you don't have to be an ass about it...and you don't have to let people continualy walk all over you to prove how nice you are to toher. Those people who need to know who you are will figure you out in time, and the others don't really matter much in the long run.

Also, allowing this to happen over and over isn't attractive...girls like people who are confident, without being cocky. Sometimes it is hard to see where that line is, but you will get the hang of it.

If I could find a wonderful woman who was dumb enough to marry me despite my all too obvoius flaws, there is hope for everyone... [Big Grin]

Kwea

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CalvinMaker
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See, I've learned that it isn't being "stood up" that I really hate. I understand that often people just can't follow through with commitments they've made. What angers me is when those people don't call you or attempt to contact you somehow so you don't stand around waiting for eternity.

Granted I didn't hear the earlier part of this story, but I can sort of fill in the gap.

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Boris
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She did call and cancel, but she did so on my answering machine, about 30 minutes before the date, which I was busy getting ready for. So I ended up standing on her doorstep waiting for eternity before going home and hearing her, "I'm busy" thing. I would have easilly understood her actually being busy, but the fact that the main reason she cancelled was because she had gotten back together with her boyfriend (Or rather, the reason she thought it would be okay to cancel it) is not a reason I am willing to admit as acceptable. To me that's just plain rude. If she had asked me for another time, I would have gladly given it to her, but she didn't. She didn't even say, "Let's get together another time" in her message. Just "Sorry". To me that's just rude. I guess I just have an over-developed sense of politeness...
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Raia
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Boris, I really admired you before too, but I WISH I could do that! I admire you even more now!I wish I could have told that creepy guy last week what I thought of him. I'm just incapable of doing that. (((((Boris))))) That's awesome. Good luck with the next one, she'd better be smart and take you, there aren't many of you around! [Smile]
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quidscribis
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Boris, you're a good guy, and there's nothing wrong with telling her that standing you up is wrong. It doesn't matter that it's happened to her - it doesn't justify her stealing your time from you.

You can also think of it this way. At least she saved you the trouble of investing more time with her by finding out now that she's inconsiderate.

Having said that, you've dealt with it, you've said what you needed to say, and now it's time to chalk it up to a lesson learned and experience and all that and move on. Let it go, in other words.

You'll find someone who's decent and kind and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Have faith. If I can find someone who'll love me and marry despite all of my flaws, then anyone can. And dammit, no one better agree with me on that one! [Mad]

[Big Grin]

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Annie
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Good work, Boris. In a culture where being nice is the norm, it's good for people to get feedback on actions that are not socially acceptable.

Ah, the life and times of the Rexbourgeois.... [Smile]

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Boris
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quote:
Ah, the life and times of the Rexbourgeois
[ROFL] I've never heard it put that way [Smile]
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