I think you should have a piece before you say that. *cuts slice and hands over to Iccy* Notice the rich, fudge frosting, and the melted chocolate chips in the cake. Mmm, it's so gooey!
Anyone else want a piece? *slices the rest of the cake and offers*
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Yeah, really not necessary, but I wanted to point out to the few people that care that Baldar seemed to me to have a need to see himself as honorable, which is a very different thing from actually being honorable. From what I've seen, this distinction, though very important, is often not well understood.
And that, Squick, is a very good point.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
David here. You may've noticed me from time to time, easing back slowly into the forum. I needed to be away for a time, but I could never leave this site totally, not after what I learned here, not after what you helped me get through (often without knowing it).
Taking a vitriolic, over-the-top 'comer and turning him around is always going to be touch and go. First off, he needs to be handled in a way that is less likely to exacerbate his natural tendency to explode into bilingsgate and so forth. Show him you're above that sort of nonsense. Calmly point out to him why his chosen form of of expression is detrimental to the community. Show him examples of good, useful disagreements and dialectic. Try to engage him in some.
But, guys, at the end of the day HE is the one who needs to change. And only he can do what needs to be done. All you can do is hope that, as with what happened to me, he will wake up one morning, log on, and realize what incredible opportunities he's missing out on by being a total schmuck.
One thing that might edge him in the right direction is one-on-one conversation with the "elders" of the group, like aka and Slash (yeah, that's the voice of experience you hear).
Posts: 5663 | Registered: Jun 2000
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posted
I dunno. I guess because I saw clearly that it wasn't an attempt at grand-standing on their part: they weren't trying to look important or open-minded in front of others, but were rather genuinely concerned 1) about my hurting their friends and 2) about my own inability to fit in. The second was really compelling in that they WANTED to have me as a fellow hatracker, and they were willing to work with me so that I might better integrate myself.
Posts: 5663 | Registered: Jun 2000
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Well, I wasn't talking about the coversation with you and Patrick, Scott— that was just... scary.
Posts: 5663 | Registered: Jun 2000
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posted
I was wondering why this thread was so long. Now I see--it was the discussion about men/women/bravery. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Yeah, David, it's great to see you back! I will never forget the spanish slang phrases thread (where else could I ever learn how to say "You are on crack, Dude!" in Mexican, Central American, and Spaniard Spanish?) and the hilarious April Fools thread about your conversion. I took that one hook line and sinker! <laughs> Then when I realized what day it was I laughed for the whole week! (I still think it just felt RIGHT, you know? Are you positive you haven't started investigating the church yet? Please promise you'll invite me to your baptism if and when the day ever arrives.)
Anyway, as has been proven multiple times, the most abrasive newcomers can become the very most interesting and productive members of the board once they settle in and lose some of their prickles. It's always the best outcome, when people can learn and change like that. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to do that.
The coolest thing about hatrack is that if Jar Head changes his mind and comes back and tries to change, I know everyone will be glad to see him, and will be friendly and cut him yards of slack while he's learning. Just a willingness to try to do better goes a long long way. I hope he will do that someday.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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And that was the point we were trying to get across to Jar Head - that if he were to be a tad more polite, we wouldn't mind him. He just didn't get it. It's sad. But yes, if he does come back and does try to behave better, I would have no problem with him. Bean Counter too, for that matter. But it's their choice, not ours.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Yeah...I was wishy-washy to him, because I left room for the idea that he might actually want to change one day and try at least a little to be civil. I didn't mind him disagreeing with me. As a matter of fact I used him as a weather vane of sorts...if I agreed with anything he said I know I was way off base......
Lots of people here have differing opinions from me, but I get along with most of them. Often I would rather talk to them about an issue or a problem because they are more likely to come at it from a different angle than I would, and a lot of times I learned something just by discussing an issue with Icarus, or Dag, or Tom.
Even with Xap, once and a while, although if he realized it at the time I am sure he would have tried to stop it somehow....
Who wants to talk to themselves 24/7? Because that is what you would be doing if everyone always agreed with you about everything...Greek choruses suck, even on stage, so why debate with one?
quote:And that was the point we were trying to get across to Jar Head - that if he were to be a tad more polite, we wouldn't mind him. He just didn't get it. It's sad. But yes, if he does come back and does try to behave better, I would have no problem with him. Bean Counter too, for that matter. But it's their choice, not ours.
Absolutely. I was glad to see Jar Head leave, because he was an ass. But if he suddenly realized one day that what he was doing was not cool, and came back here with a little more politeness and respect for others, I'd be glad to have him back. I wouldn't even ask that he apologize for his earlier behavior; simply improving his behavior in the future would suffice.
And I admit, my snideness in his "Unique Opportunity" thread was probably uncalled for. I don't imagine for a moment that it affected things one way or the other. But still, considering my distaste for him and my utter contempt for the whole voting idea, I probably should have just stayed out of it altogether. That I posted anyway just to speak against him is my own failing. It's something I, too, need to work on.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Slash, bonduca and Jeff, lukelmiller, Emily Milner ...
Kayla's posting again. Was worried for awhile. Sharpie's made a traditional cameo recently, too.
APerfectGentleman, my friend who I came to know as Jin (started with a "K", ended in "jin"), and the couple who lived with AK and whose names always slip my mind. Who else? There are some nagging at the corner of my thoughts, but I'm blanking.
Not enough celia.
OlavMah (but here not too long ago).
[ December 22, 2004, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: Sara Sasse ]
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
PSI has been here pretty recently, I believe.
Interesting and kind of sad how all these names kind of slip out of your consciousness if you don't see them for a while. You don't notice some of them are gone until you look around one day and their familiar faces aren't there.
Just looking at a thread from a year or more ago is an eye-opener about how constantly the active Hatrack population changes.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Oh yeah, I remember she affirmed that DD and E are the same. So, in the pattern of Hatrack, did that fluff thread drift into complex social issues after a while?
Posts: 666 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Yes, it did. A good deal of info about what is and is not painful or distressing for sex, both for men and women. Hmmm. A dive into childhood escapades with tadpoles that morphed into Noemon having sex in public (and getting applauded).
*grin
Typical.
[ December 22, 2004, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: Sara Sasse ]
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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