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"I always confuse Saturday and Thursday because they both start with an S." -my 5-year-old brother this morning. (more effective when you can properly impersonate his speech impediment)
"I hate whole wheat sandwiches. Don't we have any half wheat?" -brother again
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Sorry for Off Topicity, but "speech impediment" reminded me of Billy Connolly.
Parkinson: "So, Billy, I heard that your wife - who will be joining us later - has written a biography of you?"
Billy: "Oh yes! Bravemouth! I loved that book! It's so damn funny!"
As a note, I think it was Chapter Six that was entitled: "It's not a f***ing speech impediment! It's an accent!"
Ah, Connolly...
Another funny case: my mother can't tell the difference between Billy Cloose (that's how she calls him) and Basil Connolly. So my uncle pointed out "John ClEEse is seven feet tall and has a Nazi moustache. Billy Connolly is short, Scottish, and has long reddish-white hair - and a goatee - both half-dyed f***ing purple".
Sorry for the Off Topicity, but I has to stick it in! So funny (when heard)!
quote:"I always confuse Saturday and Thursday because they both start with an S." -my 5-year-old brother this morning
See, that's cute coming from a 5-year-old...
FLASHBACK:
It's junior year of high school. I'm sitting in AP Language getting a story told to us by our teacher, who teaches two sections of AP Lang (2nd and 5th hour, I'm in 5th). It involves one of my good friends, who apparently gave the following quote:
"You know, it's in Idaho... Iowa... Ohio... one of those states that starts with 'I'."
When I saw her later that afternoon, I asked her about it. She actually did say that. She was 16.
(She's now 21, and we haven't let her forget it. )
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Liz, that quote makes me think of my daughter's favorite Dr. Suess story, The First of Octember. I fear that she really does think there is a first of Octember when every wonderful thing she could ever want will happen that day.
I love that quote...it sounds like something my girl would say.
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Lasy week my 7 year old turned to me, ourt of the blue, and asked, "Do dragons have balls?". I stood there for a minute trying to figure out how to answer him, then asked what kind of balls he was thinking of.. "Oh you know, the kind where they put on fancy dress and dance". I told him I didn't think so.
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In my daughter's class, the kids have to read a phonics book and answer some comprehension questions. I asked one of the kids the question, "Why did the frog drop the mops?"
The correct answer was part of the story, because he was afraid of the cops. But her answer was "Because he was constipated."
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We are in JCPenney right now, and Cor is in the fitting room, and the girls are outside with me, and they are pretending to get dressed up, and Banana says to Mango, "Do I look beautiful, or do I look fat?"
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Liz, the First of Octember is a fun story. Along the lines of Someday, everything wonderful, anything you could ever wish for or imagine happens or comes true on the first of Octember. And what a day it will be when it comes 'round. I think I got it with a set of Dr Suess books at Costco.
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"I'm gonna do it all by myself! Will you help me?"--a three-year-old I taught swim lessons to
"And that baby's name was Jesus; can I have a cookie?!"--Olivia's five-year-old while listening to a Christmas story
Then there's my friend's little brother, who at ten stated that "friends with benefits" means "being friends with really stupid people" and "hooking up" means "calling someone." At three he also proclaimed "When I grow up, I'm going to eat pasta!"
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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A friend of mine worked in a daycare for a while in college. They had these big chipboard cards with line drawing in them, in which an element of the drawing was wrong--a rabbit would have wheels in place of legs or something like that--and the kids were supposed to figure out what the incorrect element was. She held up one card that had a dog with a carrot for a tail, and asked the class what was wrong with the picture. They looked at it for a second and one little boy shouted "he's got a carrot up his butt!"
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I just had this conversation with my 15 year old brother
quote: brother: GOP? me: its the republican party nickname brother: why? me: stands for grand old party brother: oh brother: i thought it was George Outrageously-good President
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Here's one I particularly enjoyed over Thanksgiving. Alisha is myself, Ashley is my 17 year old sister, and Amanda is my 10 year old sister.
Alisha: It’s like there’s no end to these cheesy game shows that no one’s ever heard of. Ashley: Well, it’s the Game Show Network. Alisha: Oh. Amanda: So that’s what GSN stands for.
Posts: 119 | Registered: Oct 2004
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My friend Austin (who has a brother named Jason two years younger than he and a sister who is four years younger) said that his baby sister's first words were, "Not funny, guys!"
She was, of course, addressing Austin and Jason. Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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When I was a kid my father promised to go do something with me, I can't remember what it was though. Anyway he said that we would go tomorrow, and for weeks I asked, "Is it tomorrow yet?"
Posts: 2489 | Registered: Jan 2002
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When we were potty-training our first child (she was two), we had a chart on the fridge that she could put a sticker on whenever she went to the potty. She had a little friend over one afternoon, and was so busy playing that she didn't make it to the potty and peed on the futon.
My wife said, "Do you know why I'm so sad? You didn't go pee-pee in the potty, so you can't get a sticker." My daughter turned to her friend and said, "oh, poor mommy!"
I use this example to illustrate "problem ownership"
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2005
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My favorite comes from Sarah, the daughter of a friend of the family. She was about six at the time and had recently moved into her grandma's house. When I was over visiting, she looked a little too intently at my chest.
Sarah: "When I grow up I want to order breasts as big as yours."
When I told my dad about it later, he laughed and said her grandma left a lot of catalogs lying around the house. Sarah probably found a Victoria's Secret and thought it was selling the breasts too.
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