quote:From the little bit of time we spent at the Tucson gathering you don't seem like you have trouble with social skills. So don't worry about it. I think our culture puts WAY too much emphasis on dating.
Thanks, Wendybird. And yeah, it does seem like society puts a lot of pressure on people to date. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm mature enough, but I'd rather not be rushed into doing it before I find someone good to go out with!
Quidscribis, out of curiousity, do you perceive marriages in Sri Lanka as being more or less stable than in Canada? Is arrangement a positive or a negative, in your opinion?
WheatPuppet, no problem. With an androgynous username, it happens a lot.
Mr. Funny, I don't think you have any room to be complaining.
quote:Shigosei, for some reason I was convinced that you are a ~25-yr old medical student.
I am flattered and honored. I'm actually a bioengineering student, which is not quite a medical student but is not entirely different either.
Zemra, thanks for your good thoughts. I appreciate it very much. I also agree that low-pressure social situations where you can relax and have fun without trying to impress are great! Sounds like you have it all figured out.
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I'm twenty and I don't feel this pressure to date. Where does it come from? I'm only coming up with the media and that doesn't really do anything.. Movies and television shows talk about dating all the time, but that's for those people. I'm different. Or am I just very sheltered?
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For me, it's mostly the fact that everyone around me is dating. This influence is partially offset by my observation that dating can create a lot of misery as well as happiness or fun.
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quote: Quidscribis, out of curiousity, do you perceive marriages in Sri Lanka as being more or less stable than in Canada? Is arrangement a positive or a negative, in your opinion?
All I can offer is my impressions. It seems to me that arranged marriages can be as stable as love matches, as they're called for people who get married and then fall in love. I don't think it's either a positive or a negative, but rather depends on the situation.
I'll use Fahim as an example. His parents were all set to arrange a marriage for him, and he was willing to go along with it with some conditions. He presented his list of requirements for a wife to his parents, and they had their own list of requirements. Then they went looking. The way arranged marriages are done now in the cities, the man and the woman can meet each other and even get to know each other. Fahim insisted that even with an arranged marriage, he'd still insist on love. If he didn't love the woman, it wouldn't happen. That's fair. It can happen.
It didn't work out for him to get an arranged marriage because I happened along.
Marriages here are sometimes arranged, sometimes a love match when it comes to city dwellers. But out in the villages, arranged marriages are still very much the norm, and sometimes, it's done with neither party meeting each other until they actually get married. But then, there's a lot of variation with arranged marriages these days, and internet/telephones/increased communication has all played a part in those changes.
I've talked to women in Canada, born and raised in Canada, but the parents came from India, and they had arranged marriages to Indians. They didn't mind because a. their parents knew them well enough to know what kind of a person would make a good spouse for them and b. their parents wanted what was best for them. So the parents were looking for a good match - not meaning financially prosperous, but rather someone who was compatible. That can be better than marrying the first person you have the serious hots for.
Are arranged marriages more or less stable? I'd say that it's probably about the same as western marriages. With one caveat. In many countries in Asia and Africa, getting a divorce is either difficult or legally impossible. So there are many women who are forced to stay in a marriage with abusive spouses. Does that make the marriage more stable? Only in government statistical reporting.
So I'm going with my impressions - it's pretty much the same as love matches.
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