I'm finishing up my Ph.D. in music theory, and hopefully within the next two years or so I'll be a professor.
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I'd be most impressed upon hearing the answers from both of you.
Anybody take pains to describe yourself in a certain way to avoid negative connotations? Like, in my case, I make certain that I usually say "I'm a full-time Mom", or "I'm home with my kids," instead of saying "I'm a housewife." The main reason I do it is because I don't want people to get the perception I sit at home all day watching soaps, even though the vast majority of people do have respect for the job full-time mothers do. I'm still afraid I'll be seen as the stereotype. Which says something about me, I guess, that I care what strangers might think.
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Hmm...when I feel insecure, I sometimes add that I work at the national headquarters. There have been a few times that someone thought I worked in the backroom of their local Scout shop, and I'm just shallow enough that the impression bothered me.
Due to geography, most of the local people I go to parties with are either med students, dental students, medical residents, or else professionals of the downtown high-rise type. I think that's why I add the coda occasionally - to assert myself.
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Hmmm, my generic response is that I work in a hospital because I'm usually asked this by non-Ohioans, and it's so cumbersome to say the full name. But then I have to specify that I'm not actually in the medical field. Part of me doesn't care what people think of where I work because I'm satisfied with what I'm doing for now, and I don't intend to stay here forever. On the other hand, I hate having to admit that I'm not a big, fancy doctor. Oh well.
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Well...actually, to be totally honest, the way I phrased the above answer is designed precisely to let people know that just because I'm "27 and STILL in college," as one of my mom's friends put it, doesn't mean that I'm just hanging around at school for lack of anything better to do.
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I think needing to assert yourself does come from insecurity. I know mine does, anyway. When I don't care how I come across, or else when I'm sure of my fabulousness, I'll just say that I work for the Boy Scouts, to give the other person something to comment on.
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Depending on my mood, I'd either answer "Architect-in-Training" or "Indentured Servant".
Both of which have consistently failed to stand on their own, so I should probably figure out a way to elaborate.
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When I was first home, I had a hard time adapting, and at first I'd say something like "I don't work." Then I started to apologize for my lifestyle, "..but I have four kids." Or "I'm only going to be home for a few years, then I'm going back to work."
As if I owed anyone an explanation for my family's choices.
Oh well, I admit to being insecure and sensitive to how others view me. I need to once again cultivate my "professional" self, since I am looking at getting back in the workforce within a few years.
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I usually answer "What do you do?" with "As little as possible."
For real. Just because my job is kinda hard to explain, and I usually don't feel like going into it. Plus I prefer to go for the laugh. If pressed, I'll say I'm a manager at the phone company and that it's kind of a catch-all position, so I do a lot of different things during the day.
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If that doesn't stop them, I'll answer other questions. I really try very hard to be boring at those kinds of things. Doesn't usually work.
People usually ask me if I have ever worked outside the home, after that. I say, "I worked for the federal government for nine years. Now I do technical writing for a consulting company."
Sometimes they ask what I did for the government. I don't like talking about it, and they wouldn't like hearing it, so I just say "nothing exciting." If I feel particularly prickly I say, "It was a sensitive position." Which is true, because I handled many, many people's private information. I DID have to be vetted by the FBI,and all that. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" is also fun.
What people don't seem to get is that my family is my LIFE. The other stuff is just hobbies. Some of my hobbies pay pretty well, and some of them may be more interesting to strangers than my kids' artwork or whatever.
But that attitude pisses me off.
Truth is, if I'm at a party where my husband is networking, I do anything I can to make him look good. I have a little bit of practice as reasonably intelligent arm candy.
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People get really nosy when they find out you have twins too. I mean, "Are they identical?" is a reasonable question. "Were you on fertility drugs?" is a little more personal.
I normally answer it, though, because you never know when that person might be experiencing infertility themselves and you can offer some encouragement.
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Olivia, do you run into the attitude that if your kids are in school, then you should be working?
That seems to happen around here, I see it a good bit. It's fine to be a full time mother if your kids are young, but if they're school-age, well, then you should get your butt off the sofa, put down the bon-bons, and get a job.
It's as if people don't know that being involved in your kids' education and their school can be a full time thing, not to mention being there when they get home from school so you can help with homework, take them to after school activities, etc.
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I figure those questions really aren't about judging each other - it's like the weather. The weather is a universal topic because everyone experiences it. "What do you do?" is universal question because practically everyone has to do something. I suspect that most people don't really care about the answer to it. Heaven forgive me, but I know I don't. I just chitchat until I get enough of a feel for them that I can ask the really important question: "Do you like Harry Potter?"
Things displayed by an affirmative to the important question are the following: 1. They read. 2. They are open-minded enough to read "children"'s literature. 3. If they love it, they have good taste. 4. They are sensible enough to not reject something because it is popular, which is just as dumb as following something because it is popular.
If they can actually come up with a coherent reason for WHY they love Harry Potter, then we can usually be friends. That question is exactly how I became friends with Coccinelle.
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What a fascinating conversation. I am in grad school right now and will be finishing next year. People always ask me what I want to do then. I hate that question. My honest plans are to take what I can get with reasonable hours and decent pay that will let me live in a very specific area while I work on starting my family. I'm getting married in the summer and we want to have kids within five years. People always seem shocked when I tell them honestly that I am willing to take a job with less responsibilities because I want to be able to spend time with my family and want to be able to work around Paul's schedule and location. Sometimes just to get a rise out of people I'll say things like I want to be a fifties housewife. I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second.
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"Well, I'm currently working at a small company producing Mars Rover animations for an upcoming IMAX film, in addition to several smaller projects for TV and the military. I'm also attending an online school founded by PIXAR animators to learn character animation so I can someday work in feature films. They said they're going to put me in their newsletter next month."
Three months ago my answer would have been, "Well, I mostly move tables, sometimes chairs. Occasionally I show someone how to use PowerPoint. That's about it."
quote:I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well put and I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Our plans right now, are for my mother to retire when I finish college. That's so there will still be someone here when the kids get home from school (my Mom lives with us) and someone to chaffeur to gymnastics practice, dance, etc.
If my mom can't retire or chooses not to, I'll probably just work part time, so I can still do all that stuff. Even after I've finished grad school (if I make it that far!) taking care of my family trumps using my degree professionally.
Kat, you're right. It's really the height of vanity for me to believe that anyone who asks that question really DOES care about my answer. Like I said, the fact that I think about it and it bothers me says much more about me. I need to not let such things affect me.
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I'm a nurse. And it really ticks me off when people act like that is some kind of second-rate job (because I'm not a "big, fancy doctor".) Nursing is the best profession! I love what I do, it is challenging and rewarding.
A really good cocktail party question is "What are you drinking? Could you get me one?"
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I'm the assistant manager of a college, where I'm primarily resposible for the motion graphics department: 3D Graphics & Animation and Digital Film Production. I also write for a national magazine and am a 1/3 partner in a design firm.
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High school science? I loved high school science. What subject? Biology was definitly up my alley. Disections rock.
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General science, biology (although we do not usually dissect anything larger than a chicken wing), chemistry, and physics. Although next year I'm only teaching three classes (no bio).
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Right now, I'm a registered student at UWaterloo, working towards my BA in Religious Studies. (Not taking any classes this term.)
Right NOW now, I am a supply educational assistant at the local school board, and I do both high school and elementary, whatever the need is.
In the evenings, I am a personal support worker at the community group home for hard-to-serve and/or dual-diagnosis residents. If pressed about this one (and it's usually accompanied by the leper-outcast-unclean stare, due to some bad PR recently) I elaborate with "I clean poop." Generally the initial reaction I get will tell me if the person deserves a serious elaboration or not.
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: "Do you like Harry Potter?"
A mega-important question as it just doesn't get any better than Harry Potter. Most so-called Children's books are excellent!
I think I'd rather lose an eye in a sword fight than go to one of those kind of parties. It's my idea of hell. Plus, I'd be a bit embarassed to admit that I am bagging groceries while struggling to get my foot into the corporate door and that I want to become a writer... Super impractical. Also, I'd probably anny everyone by ranting and raving about how terrible most sitcoms are.
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People ask me what I do, then they instantly glaze over. Or they start telling me about how crazy the drivers are in <insert name of town here>. Or they tell me about roads that need redesigning. Or the accident they almost had. Or how all the bad drivers they ever see are <insert opposite gender here>.
I've tried alternatives like "I'm an experimental psychologist" or "I teach pigeons to peck at colored lights" but nothing really seems to work.
I have a friend who is an organic chemist. He says he's a roofer (because when his stuff goes wrong, he makes tar). I figured I'd call myself a tile-man. The mosaic of the brain, etc., etc. Each datum is a piece of the larger whole. That sort of thing. It's a stretch, but at least people know what tile is.
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Maybe I should tell people I run a successful consulting practice, but that's just temporary until I'm discovered.
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I lied for a while and told my relatives and boyfriend's relatives and strangers that I was "still in school" even after I'd stopped going. Then I finally stopped caring, and said "i'm just working right now, waitressing, trying to save some money" which was still a cop-out, because i wasn't saving ANYTHING.
And I haven't been asked what I do since getting accepted at a local community college as a Vet Tech, so I haven't gotten a chance to enthusiastically announce that I'm Going Back to School in the Fall!
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My answer is a 4th year student at Cornell U getting a BS in City and Regional Planning and a BA in religious studies (5 year dealie). I hate hate hate the question what do you plan on doing with that because I have absolutely no idea.
Posts: 2867 | Registered: May 2005
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My answer changes with my mood and the seasons
"I just graduated culinary management from Fanshawe and wrote my red seal papers, so I'm now 'officially' a chef. However, I'm going into food and nutrition sciences in the fall at Brescia. And presently I'm off to Jonquiere (Quebec) to study French more officially and work as a pastry chef"
Which, depending on the age of the person gets a few different responses. People sharing 'food' stories such as where they last ate out or what they had for dinner.
Or asking me where they should or shouldn't eat.
Or telling me how exciting that I've decided not to be a pink collar worker .
Or "is Brescia really an all girl college? Do you have to wear uniforms?" (the answer is yes to the first and no to the second).
Or "Brescia? where's that?" (It's an affiliated college to University of Western Ontario. I get the same diploma with the UWO seal on it, but get smaller class sizes and the benefits of both campuses. And yes, Brescia is a good place to go for food sciences. National average for dietician placements: 50.2%. Brescia: 70.5%)
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UWaterloo is university in Ontario, Canada.
It's a great university (My second choice. Second because it has a lower placement percentage and larger class sizes)
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There are a surprising number of us from U of W, actually. twinky, Asta, EL, and myself are all grads/current students. Which is kind of funny when you think about how many Canadians there are here.
As for what I do, currently I tell the truth "I'm farting around and doing whatever I want while farting away the miserly horde of cash I saved up while going to school. One day I plan on growing up and getting a real job."
Sad as it sounds, the biggest reason for me to continue on the career path school put me on is because I'll really, really miss saying "Yeah, I design pharmaceuticals for a living." I mean, you just get the respect, y'know?
Edit: Clearly I'll miss it so much I can't even pass up the opportunity to drop it a thread where it really has no business being Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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The "What do you do?" question is one of the reasons I love my new job title. I'm an Operations Administrator. That sounds pretty important. What is it, really? I mostly answer customer service emails. It's like being in a customer service call center, except it's emails instead of calls and I have a better sounding title.
I'm also rapidly taking over my department, and positioning myself so that once our e-mail group grows enough that we need a team for it that's separate from the rest of "Operations" I will be the best candidate to be the supervisor of that team.
posted
Oh wow we need some better party questions than "what do you do?". I love the Harry Potter question, but it's true that's not really good as a conversation opener. What are some more?
The only ones I can think of are pretty geeky. "What would you change if you could change the laws of physics to be anything you wanted?" <laughs> Tonight in hatrack chat we were all deciding what superpowers we'd have if we could have any superpowers we wanted. Among Harry Potter readers it's cool to ask people what their patronus animal would be. I guess a non-geek version of something like that would be "If you won the lottery, what would you spend it on?" or maybe "If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?" or "Which person from history would you most like to meet?" But anyway I think those are a lot more interesting than "What do you do?".
All the clever funny brains of hatrack should really come up with a bunch of interesting and funny party questions, I think. It would be a great service to humanity, rescuing us all from "what do you do?". Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Unsurprisingly, I've had some astoundingly interesting conversations stem from "what do you do?" It's a great benchmark question because how they answer it can lead in a whole manner of different paths. If they want to talk about their work, you can usually tell, if they say "but I spend all my free time doing x" off you go with that, they can make it clear that they don't want to be talking about themselves right now and shift the focus back to you. And if people hate it, you can tell that from their answer as well which will further steer the conversation in other places.
Those who'd rather talk about other things will and those who are happy to talk about that won't be thrown off guard by some wacky question they weren't expecting.
There's a lot to be said for the standby questions, even if they aren't creative and magical enough for you, ak.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Well, if you want to go for other cocktail party questions, there's always "Why are your pants still on?" But a lot of the parties I go to may involve more cocktails than average, so that might not always work for you.
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The last party I went to was rather large, but the host and hostess were great about the warm introductions - not just names, but who people were in relation to themselves (neighbor, cousin, etc). It was a housewarming party, and they introduced Ron as "The man who helped us buy this house" Or "The man who made it possible for us to buy this house." Which was really sweet.
Not only had he helped them get good financing, but he loaned them a truckload of moving boxes and helped them hook up their integrated indoor/outdoor sound system and gas grills. So they really liked him.
That was where I got asked if I whitened my teeth. Never had the professional thing, but I have used whitening tooth paste. It's just what we used to buy.
This thread reminds me of this guy I knew in college who told me I had "a GREAT cocktail party name." Then he mimed holding a drink and motioning with it and said, "This is my friend, Olivia."
*we need a gagging graemlin*
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I say, "I'm a writer." From there, it usually expands into a thousand questions, so it seems to be a good, generic starting question.
Before, when I used to be an accountant, I usually got the "glad it's you, not me!" kind of comments. People really hate math, even simple math like accounting.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I'd have to say that I'm a Daddy, but that career-wise I'm a reformed journalist currently working in the weddings catalog industry while not trying hard enough to sell his first novel.
(In other words, I'm a slacker who is just being confronted with parenthood and the need for more than just skating by in life.)
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Enigmatic, do you do this work from a job site, or from home? It sounds like a telecommuter's job.
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My other favorite, standard question for people I haven't talked to recently is "How's your world?"
That can cover themselves, their family, their job, the books they are reading, all sorts of things. I like it better than "What's going on in your life?". That's similar, but kind of feels like it's pressure to share or spill something, and that can make people uncomfortable. Everyone has SOMETHING in their world, so they can talk about it.
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Yup, excellent way to phrase that. Gives them a wonderful excuse to talk about something that interests them.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Hey kojabu, I'm over enjoying a delightful salad in the Duffield atrium if you're in the area. Though I'll have to take off in about 10 minutes.
And I think one of my bridesmaids' father runs your department. Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Kayla: Enigmatic, do you do this work from a job site, or from home? It sounds like a telecommuter's job.
Oh, how I wish they'd let me telecommute. Though that would probably cut down on my face-to-face social interaction dangerously. There is still a small portion of my job that I couldn't do telecommuting, mainly dealing with physical mailings and such. And some of the knowledge-resource type responsibilities would be tougher: A phone rep couldn't just pop over to my cube to ask a question, they'd need to call me at home, which would be annoying on both ends.
On questions, now that I think about it some more, the one I usually ask is "What's new and exciting?" It often gets a blah "not much" sort of answer though, as people don't think their routine or job qualifies. Cuts to the chase, though.
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I'm a law graduate awaiting a reply from a judge for an associate position and about to enter a full-time real world legal career...
... But I'm not sure I want to anymore!
Cursed indecision.
***
quote: I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second.
Belle and theresa I completely agree with you but I also wish the same were true for a man who wished to be a husband and father first and have a career second.
Firstly because I think those men that do that deserve the recognition. And secondly because I think it shouldn't be gender centered. Whichever parent (if one does) chooses to stay home should have their decision accepted. And that choice will differ from couple to couple.
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"I'm a baby wrangler." That usually gets a laugh, and then I usually clarify, "I'm a full-time mom."
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Never had the professional thing, but I have used whitening tooth paste. It's just what we used to buy.![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
