posted
All you owe us is to take care of yourself. DOn't beat yourself up about this, I haven't heard a single person, even people like me who don't know you well, complain about this thread.
We all have turned to others for help at one time or another. It is a coping mechinism that is necessary to survive.
quote:Originally posted by Rappin' Ronnie Reagan: Apparently I owe you all now.
One of the longest, hardest lessons I had to learn is that Love is a gift: you neither earn it nor are indebted by receiving it.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I don't think there's any extra owe (at least from my perspective) -- just the same "speak with passion, listen with respect" that we all owe here, same as always.
You know, when you call a crisis line from a pay phone, you are in total control -- if you don't like it, then you can hang up, and there is no way of tracing you. You could just try it out. (I know you hate counselors and doctors, but it sounds like you hate the way you are feeling now, too.)
Regardless, I'm still sending you good vibes and hoping you find a way to make it better soon.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Thing is, trying not to think won't work (apparently).
Think of this sequence of questions:
What's at risk if you do talk to a shrink or doctor or somebody? It might be unpleasant. And what's at risk if it's unpleasant? What's the worst that happens?
OK, what's at risk if you don't?
So what's the BEST thing that can happen if you do, or don't?
The risk if you don't sounds pretty severe.
Here's hoping it goes well for you. Keep talking!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
RRR, I'm really glad you started this thread. You don't owe any of us anything because of what you posted. The whole idea of inconveniencing us somehow, or owing us, or being selfish?
That sounds like depression talking. It isn't true. But it's all right for you to feel that way.
Now, I don't know whether you have it, and I'm not saying you do. You haven't mentioned any of the physical symptoms -- sleep problems, changes in appetite, stomach ache, headache. However, I can tell you that what you described sounds exactly like me four years ago. Depression makes your brain lie to you. Despite the fact that I knew rationally that the people around me cared, I felt that they didn't, that the world was better off without me. This wasn't true for me, and it's not true for you.
Please, get medical help. This sort of thing, if left alone, usually gets worse, not better. I know you don't really want to go to the doctor. Is there someone there with you who you can talk to about this? Someone who can help you get help? Also, if you don't feel comfortable with a counselor or a psychologist, you might want to keep looking around until you find one you feel good about talking to.
I hope you get well soon, RRR. Please consider going to the doctor at least, or calling a hotline. Oh, and listen to Remus Lupin: chocolate might help you feel better.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
RRR - I feel so much for you. I've been there too. At one point life was so numbing that getting out of bed was just too much like hard work. Having breakfast was just too much like hard work. Opening my eyes was just too much like hard work. In fact I just wanted the world to stop ... but working out how to do that was just too much like hard work. And all this thinking was just exhausting ... but it went round and round in circles.
RRR - I feel for you so much and send you positive psychic vibes.
Survival strategy number one - read Ender's Game. That book has always given me strength.
Survival strategy number two - read your favourite Childrens book ... hopefully you can then fall into a dreamless sleep.
Survival strategy number three - eat something very easy to digest Boiled egg with toast Steamed white fish with peas and new potato Oxtail soup
Survival strategy number three ... talk to someone. And the more professional they are the less they will try to fix you and the more they will listen to you.
It sound as though you have completely lost touch with who or what you are? It sounds like you don't know what you want or need? Is that how you feel? Is sounds like you sound completely alone? If that is how you feel, don't worry, just say yes and well go from there ...
Posts: 571 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
I'm not sure. I guess I can see the benefit in getting professional help, but if I do actually do that I think I'd wait until I go back to the U.S. (I leave Friday). I just really dislike talking to psychologists. Last time I was forced to go to one I refused to talk and wouldn't go back after the first time. It's not just not wanting to talk, it's freezing up and being unable to. Plus it's a complete stranger. And I guess I'd have to tell my parents I wanted to go, which I really don't want to do, since my insurance is through my mom. Jeez, I can't believe I'm actually thinking maybe I should see a psychologist. That's like thinking maybe I should get a shot. (I have a phobia of needles.)
quote: You haven't mentioned any of the physical symptoms -- sleep problems, changes in appetite, stomach ache, headache.
I'm definitely having sleep problems. I haven't been able to fall before around 2 am since before this happened even though I'm really tired. I end up just collapsing and taking a nap for an hour or so in the evening and then waking up and being unable to sleep later.
Posts: 1658 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
If you find a psychologist you think you might want to talk to, tell him/her about not being able to talk. They could probably help you get through that boundary as well.
Posts: 2867 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
RRR, I'm glad you are considering seeing someone. I know this is a very difficult thing for you.
You don't have to make it a big deal with your mom. Assuming the insurance covers it (and most do), it probably won't be a big deal if you say you've been having some trouble sleeping and you think it might help to have someone outside the family to talk to. (Or if you don't want to mention the sleep thing, just the second part.)
Another possibility might be seeing what student health at your college (you are starting a new year of classes soon, yes?) has available.
posted
Ronnie, it sounds like you are developing a good plan. I'm proud of you, honey, because I know that it is not easy to do. If you are leaving on Friday, and you believe that you can make it that far, I agree that it is a good idea to wait until then.
If you hook up with a therapist, and you guys don't click, you can always change to someone else. Don't waste your time in an unproductive therapeutic relationship.
You are doing good, honey. From a plaintive cry in the night hurled out to hatrack, to a plan on getting yourself well again, you are definitely taking some necessary steps. Safe journey. I'm rooting for you.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
I'm so, so happy that you are doing better and making plans to keep doing better. That's awesome!
If you are a college student, you have access to free confidential counselling services through the university. I can just about guarantee it. They may not click for you, but it's a place to start.
posted
Thank you for the encouragement and advice. It means a lot to me.
I looked up counseling services on my school's website, and found this. It says I can just walk in and get seen as long as I'm a student enrolled for at least six hours, which I am. It also says they're open year-round so I don't have to wait until school starts. So I just have to work up the courage to go. Will they understand if I'm not willing to talk at first? The last time I went to a psychologist I don't remember her trying to get know me at all first; I just remember her asking if I thought I was less happy than other people around me, and I said I thought I was just as happy because I really didn't want to talk to her. I feel nervous just looking at that counseling services webpage.
Posts: 1658 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
I think they'll understand. If I were you, I'd just be open about it. Tell them you think you need to talk, but describe your "freezing up" and let them know how uncomfortable you are. Any good therapist will have strategies to help you relax. I'm glad you're doing this.
posted
Ronnie, you are taking one positive step after the other. You go, girl! I like the plan of going to the student counselling center. You can tell them that you've been going through some rough times, and that your friends have been encouraging you to get professional help and counselling, but that it is hard for you to take this step, and hard for you to open up an talk to strangers about what is bothering you.
Good luck with it all, and good luck in school.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
RRR, one neat trick for you to consider. Take in a pre writen note to the councilor saying your thoughs.
**** ie I know I need to do this but it terrifies me and I find it horrible to talk about so can we just get to know about each other a little first while I relax and then maybe I will be able to talk about some of the issues that bother me. ****
It would help the councilor and you would feel much safer knowing that they are going to respect your boundaries and feelings and fears.
Good luck, we are all really impressed with the progress you are making.
Posts: 571 | Registered: May 2001
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