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Author Topic: I want to be a lady
Altáriël of Dorthonion
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I will not bother my audience with such trivial things as details, but I would really love to know, how can I become a lady? I want to be graceful and polite, delicate and everything else. I know that ladies are very feminine, but I don't know how to be all of these things that I have always wanted to be. I enjoy cooking, which I'm sure counts, but I want to know, how does a young woman like myself become a LADY?
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rivka
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*coyly peeks out from behind her fan*

Why?

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Irami Osei-Frimpong
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A lady never leaves her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guys dice

A lady never flirts with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd have soul
A lady wouldn't make little snake eyes at me
When I've bet my life on this roll

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King of Men
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You could move to Britain and marry a Lord.
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quidscribis
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Or you could just develop grace and dignity. Things which, I might add, I also lack.

I've read that politeness isn't a matter of remembering all the little rules of social graces, but rather, in making sure your guests are made comfortable, regardless of what they actually do. Er, in case that isn't understandable, I mean like not drawing attention to the fact that someone used the wrong knife or fork or that sort of thing.

Eh. What do I know? I belong on the receiving end of this thread. *baffled*

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Oliver Dale
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You could share a plate of spaghetti with a mangy dog, or star in a film opposite Jerry Lewis.
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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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quote:
Originally posted by King of Men:
You could move to Britain and marry a Lord.

I could also buy a title from http://www.regaltitles.com for that matter....
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Mrs.M
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Believe it or not, the best definition I've ever heard is from the movie Blast from the Past:

quote:
[The] short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.
Also...

quote:
[G]ood manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them.

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Nell Gwyn
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I like KoM's idea. Fits in neatly with my quest for a UK passport. [Big Grin]

I was under the impression that a Lady should never stoop to do something as menial as cooking - that sort of thing should be left to the lower classes. [Wink]

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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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I know that good manners are a part of the whole thing, my plight is that I don't know how a lady is supposed to act or talk or walk. Do you guys know where I'm getting to?
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Teshi
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I'd be a terrible lady and am not interested in being one...

But I've got some advice, such as it is:
1. Sit and stand up straight when in company.
2. Eat with a knife and a fork (not just a fork).
3. Be good at making polite but very interesting conversation and be a good listener.

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Mrs.M
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Some more specific advice: always send thank-you notes. While dining, start with the outer-most utensils and work your way in, put your napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed, and keep your elbows off the table. Always leave a little food on your plate. Keep your legs crossed at the ankle.
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Boon
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Watch that Anne Hathaway movie and take notes from Julie Andrews. [Smile]
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quidscribis
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Think before you talk, and when you talk, make sure what you say is thoughtful and kind.

Oh, but if you're in Germany, when you want more food, put your knife and fork on opposite sides of the plate. When you've had enough, put both knife and fork together on the right side of the plate. And keep both hands on the table.

In Canada, always remove your shoes at the door. In fact, just about everywhere except the US, that seems to be the rule.

Eh. I dunno.

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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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I play a violin and clarinet and I always tend to cross my legs at the ankle and remove my shoes at the door. But there is just something about my etiquette that does not seem very ladylike at all...
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Mrs.M
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quote:
Oh, but if you're in Germany, when you want more food, put your knife and fork on opposite sides of the plate. When you've had enough, put both knife and fork together on the right side of the plate.
This also applies in the US, but here you do not need to remove your shoes unless the host asks you to. That reminds me - always bring a gift when you dine at someone's house for the first time. Either a dessert, candy, wine, or flowers are appropriate, depending on the host. For example, don't bring wine when you visit a LDS household.

Altįriėl, I'm having trouble understanding what specifically you're asking. I'm trying to think about the things I'm going to teach my daughter in order to raise her to be a lady, but I'm not sure that's what you're looking for.

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quidscribis
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Posture. Develop and maintain good posture.
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Avatar300
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Why would you want to be a lady? Aren't they too busy being prim and proper to have any fun?
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Storm Saxon
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quote:

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!

Now, once again where does it rain?
On the plain! On the plain!
And where's that soggy plain?
In Spain! In Spain!

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!

In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire...?
Hurricanes hardly happen.
How kind of you to let me come!

Now once again, where does it rain?
On the plain! On the plain!
And where's that blasted plain?
In Spain! In Spain!

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!

[Big Grin]
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Brian J. Hill
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OK, so for the first time I realized that the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain, rather than the plane. That song makes so much more sense now.
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Valentine014
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I think what many people here are saying is that you just need to remember your manners. Buy an etiquette book, but preview it carefully before purchasing. The one I bought had hidden references to racism.
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Nell Gwyn
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[ROFL]

Edit: in response to Brian

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ketchupqueen
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I think it was Eudora Welty who said that "A lady is a woman who is never unintentionally vulgar." [Wink]
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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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I want to be very feminine. I just look at the ladies that appear in movies with a Victorian era thing going on and I just look at them and long to be so prim and proper like them.
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Valentine014
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Why all of a sudden do you want to be a lady?
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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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Its not an all of a sudden thing, I have always wanted to be one, I just don't know how to be one.
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Valentine014
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Get a subscription to Real Simple and Martha Stewart Living. They will put you on the right track.
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rivka
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>_<
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Nell Gwyn
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kq, that quote goes along with another I've heard: "A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude." I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that.

Alt, you want to be ladylike in such a way that you'll still fit in with today's society, right? I mean, are you planning on skipping the more stringent Victorian customs like always needing a chaperone present since you're a young, unmarried maiden?

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rivka
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Why not?
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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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quote:
Originally posted by Nell Gwyn:
kq, that quote goes along with another I've heard: "A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude." I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that.

Alt, you want to be ladylike in such a way that you'll still fit in with today's society, right? I mean, are you planning on skipping the more stringent Victorian customs like always needing a chaperone present since you're a young, unmarried maiden?

Oh, yes. I want to skip that sort of rubbish that would make it hard for me to get by today.
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rivka
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[Roll Eyes]
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Nell Gwyn
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quote:
Why not?
There's nothing really wrong with it, but it might be a bit impractical, especially since Alt's living on her own now. (right?) I was just wondering to what extent she wants to become a lady, and what her definition of it is.

Sidenote: I googled "how to be ladylike" and the first thing that came up was a magazine for crossdressers and transvestites! [Eek!] Somehow, I don't think that will be helpful in this case.

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Altáriël of Dorthonion
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quote:
Originally posted by Nell Gwyn:
quote:
Why not?
There's nothing really wrong with it, but it might be a bit impractical, especially since Alt's living on her own now. (right?) I was just wondering to what extent she wants to become a lady, and what her definition of it is.

Sidenote: I googled "how to be ladylike" and the first thing that came up was a magazine for crossdressers and transvestites! [Eek!] Somehow, I don't think that will be helpful in this case.

[ROFL]
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Carrie
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Play this game.
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Kama
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being a lady is boring.
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Stan the man
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I would obviously have no clue on how to be a Lady. However, you could always look some of these books up if you want.
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Nell Gwyn
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Hee! I got a 980 on Carrie's game. I guess reading trashy romances is good for something! [Wink] And I must say, I love the way the people move and "talk" in it! It's like a dignified Monty Python animation.
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ambyr
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Read Miss Manners regularly.
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Rakeesh
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Screw the arbitrary and ever-changing rules on what is and isn't 'graceful'. Strive to make the world a better place, make an honest effort to make the lives of those you love and care for better, stick up for those who cannot stick up for themselves, and exhibit good personal hygiene, and you're a lady.

Very similar rules for how to be a man, too.

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Tresopax
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I would think that being a 'lady' is not necessarily a good thing. If I were you, I'd try to be a good person instead.
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Kama
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quote:
Very similar rules for how to be a man, too.
then how will we know ladies from men? [Dont Know]
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Rakeesh
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Plumbing and furnishings, my dear.
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Kama
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[Eek!]

[Monkeys]

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FIJC
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Finishing school or go ask a consultant for pageants.
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El JT de Spang
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quote:
I would think that being a 'lady' is not necessarily a good thing. If I were you, I'd try to be a good person instead.
Is there a reason you can't be both?

By the Alt, my advice is to stop all guy-like behavior. This includes spitting, cursing, video games, high fiving, drinking beer, listening to rock/rap music, and yelling, among other things. As someone mentioned, being a lady isn't all that much fun, especially while you're in college.

On the plus side, drinking wine is still alright, as is being scared of vermin and feeling faint. Dancing is still allowed, just not the type of dancing you see on MTV or at a high school dance. Being well spoken and worldly is good, and as a Hatracker you're well ahead of the curve in that. Sitting in an uncomfortable position (like the back of a Volkswagen) is a must.

And your laugh should be delicate; think 'teehee', not 'HaHaHa'.

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Shan
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An excellent book that gives VERY pragmatic advice regarding civility, courtesy, manners for all sorts of situations:

The Family Book of Manners by Hermine Hartley.

It is also a good read with examples, cute pictures, and easy to digest information.

Alternatively, go watch Anne of Green Gables -

[Smile]

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Theaca
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Oh! Read some Louisa May Alcott. Like, An Old Fashioned Girl. Eight Cousins and the sequel to Eight Cousins. Etc.

According to her, eating peanuts is scandalously unladylike, btw. I have never understood why.

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Shan
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I think she may have been referring to roasted peanuts that you could buy and eat on the streets ? . . . *gasp* Eating in public was scandalous. No real lady would be caught doing so . . . *tsk tsk*
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El JT de Spang
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Not that anyone ever intimated otherwise, but I'd make a terrible lady.
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