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There is a pregnancy thread already on Hatrack so I thought there should be a wedding thread too. Is anyone else planning on getting married in the near future? What are your plans?
I am getting married on May 28th of this year. I am getting really excited. Today I tried on my dress with all of the accessories for the first time. It was loads of fun. I am having a midsized wedding, about 100 guests in the town my fiance and I went to college in. I could go on and on about the details but I'll see if this thread takes off first Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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Our anniversary is Tuesday . . . perhaps I should start an anniversary thread, for those of us who've already had those milestones . . . Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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The anniversary of our relationship beginning is in a couple months (March 23, to be exact), with a wedding planned in 2008. That will give us both time to get our finances in order, save up for it, and get situated before-hand.
Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Congratulations to all those with anniversaries. Staying happily married is an even bigger accomplisment than tying the knot.
Martha, I just looked at your pictures. I especially loved your food pictures. You managed fun and appropriately fancy all at once. Did you make your own cake? I have never seen one like that. It is so cute!
Congrats on the upcoming marriage Ben!
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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We designed the cake, which my aunt made (she used to make cakes for a living; now she's a computer programmer like everyone else). One layer was orange flavored, the other lemon. Between layers was pistachio marzipan, and then buttercream frosting with those beautiful fresh fruit slices for decoration. It was delicious.
My brother (Mike on Hatrack) is a circus performer -- juggler, acrobat, and clown. Our mom runs the Providence Circus School, so she brought a bunch of her circus toys (juggling and balancing stuff) for everyone to play with.
We also had puzzles: a crossword that Kyle wrote, a double-crostic from my grandmother, a cryptic crossword from some friends. And there were games, though mostly people were having too much fun with the circus toys. And talking, which of course was the whole point. That day should've gone on three or four hours longer, so we could do all the schmoozing we wanted to.
Oh, we did this really cool thing that everyone oughta do at their wedding: we had all our married guests lend us photos of them at their own weddings, and we displayed all these photos together, along with photos of our grandparents' weddings and our own baby pictures. That way, nobody was captive for an embarrassing slideshow -- and for the older photos, people got to guess "whose wedding is that a picture of?"
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack the thread. Carry on with your regularly schedule programming!
Posts: 1785 | Registered: May 1999
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April 8 is my big date. But its the honeymoon I'm really looking forward to. Private villa in the Carribean, with a private swimming pool.
Posts: 3134 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by theresa51282: Congratulations to all those with anniversaries. Staying happily married is an even bigger accomplisment than tying the knot.
I had my 19th wedding anniversary last week. The traditional anniversary gift for 20 years is China. We didn't see 19 years listed, so we just improvised. My husband gave me the flu. I gave him chicken soup.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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As one of those weird twists of life, I'm a certified bridal consultant. Got a question? Need some advice? Fire away!
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: Don't say that around the Princess, or you'll be busy for two hours!
Oh DO show her how to click on the "high five" (AKA "wave") graemlin. We can have a KP High Five thread!
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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My wedding advice to my friends who are getting worked up about the wedding arrangements is this: Your wedding day is the least important day of your marriage. It is what you do with the rest of your marriage that is important. Your long term success and marital happiness has absolutely no relationship to the color of the bridesmaids dresses, the floral centerpieces, or the catering.
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MY advice to grooms: The wedding is 80% the bride's, 15% her mothers and about 5% yours. Relax, learn to say "Yes, dear" with feeling and enjoy.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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My son (who is 20) will ocassionally say things like "that would be cool for a wedding" or "I want that at my wedding someday" and I just smile sweetly and say, "It won't be up to you, dear."
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I don't like "Calm down." Just because it isn't the most important part doesn't mean that they shouldn't care about it. It's the equivelent of "Shut up and sit down." If I wasn't upset before, I am now. Don't tell me how to feel.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote: MY advice to grooms: The wedding is 80% the bride's, 15% her mothers and about 5% yours. Relax, learn to say "Yes, dear" with feeling and enjoy.
That's bullcrap. Why make the girl make all of the decisions? If the guy has an idea of what he wants, he should be free to suggest it, and if she has any respect for him at all, she should at least think about it. Unless it's completely tacky or out of their budget, there's no reason the groom can't have the wedding of his dreams.
And luckily, my mother wants nothing to do with my wedding except for being an attendee. I think she also made one song suggestion, so I guess we'll play that for her. But she gets that it's not the wedding that's important; it's the marriage, and could care less what we do for one day (as long as it doesn't break the bank). Ben's mom is putting up the majority of funding, and also lives closer, and also cares about ceremony, so she is more involved.
Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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I don't understand what is offensive about saying "Calm Down" as in "don't stress yourself out about it". How is caring whether or not a person is overly stressed somehow taken as an offense?
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I don't like it because it's telling me how to feel. I much prefer "It'll be okay, honey. Everyone will be looking at you anyway." to "Stop freaking out. What you care about doesn't matter."
"Calm down." is saying they shouldn't feel how they feel. I don't like it.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote: MY advice to grooms: The wedding is 80% the bride's, 15% her mothers and about 5% yours. Relax, learn to say "Yes, dear" with feeling and enjoy.
I do my very best to counter this kind of advice in premarital counseling.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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My hubbie was as excited as me about our wedding. Well, almost. He kept this huge accordion folder full of magazine clippings and pages from the Internet and quotes on flower prices and stuff. He was far more organized than I was, so we both had a lot of fun.
Considering that he is an actual bonafide Scotsman who grew up in Glasgow, I didn't mind his insistance on having real kilts ordered from Scotland for the wedding, and on being led out by a piper. In fact, it was his Scottish pastor that married us.
So all in all, he was involved every bit as much as I was in every decision. We acted as a team then, as now.
Five years later (our anniversary is February 17th) and one + children (just found out I'm pregnant again) we still act as a team much of the time.
Love is a choice you make every morning, and it's great when there is emotional attachment as well, but the tough choices on the days when the feelings are gone, are what help those feelings to return.
Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2005
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I wish I could get Paul to have more input into the wedding. He mostly does the smile and nod. He is much more interested in planning the honeymoon. All his male relatives told him to avoid planning the wedding because the women will just take over anyways so I have gotten nowhere with convincing him I really do want his opinion.
Martha, we are doing a photo table too. Ours has wedding pictures that actually go all the way back to my great great grandparents. Its really neat to see how weddings have changed through the generation. We also have this archway thing that we are putting pictures of us growing up on and then ending with our engagement photo. I had a lot of fun looking at Paul's old pictures and seeing him as a baby.
We have our premarital counseling weekend next weekend. I am a little nervous because I don't really know the pastor that well. I go to church in a different town from the one we are getting married in. I guess I want to make a good impression but I also realize the point is to be honest so it is a bit of a balancing act I guess.
I don't think I am at all stressed about the wedding. Just excited. Plus it will be the first time we will have lived together so I am really excited to be able to see Paul everyday.
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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My husband suggested that we have soup for our reception, so all the ladies made soup and it was wonderful. He doesn't remember coming up with that idea, though. We actually didn't really pay for anything, since one of my best friends parents did my cake and my group photos as our gift and my sister did our wedding shots, my boss did the flowers and my hair/makeup, our moms and grandmas did the food, etc. I think it was probably the cheapest wedding ever!
The other thing we did that was just divine was to get married with just family and close close friends in attendance, and then 3 weeks later we had the reception. It took all the stress out of my wedding day, and besides, I got to wear my dress again and have a different hair style! I would suggest it to anyone (as would my husband. He loved doing it that way).
Good luck with all the plans, everyone!
Posts: 161 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Okay, some folks took what I said a bit too sternly. The advice is meant as a semi-joke and an ice breaker. But it also does have a ring of truth in it.
Also, it is just about the wedding itself, not the marriage. The marriage is something that I wouldn't joke about.
But let's look at the typical, traditional wedding. It's a big day for the groom, this is the biggest commitment of his life and the first step in hopefully a long and joyous journey. For most men, however, they don't start thinking about the wedding ceremony until pretty much they give the engagement ring. Many don't think much about it until a day or two before it happens.
For the bride, many times, this is something she's thought about, off and on, for a good portion of her life. As a young girl she's thought many times of the colors she wants, or the music, or any of the thousands of details that go into the event. She may know exactly what she wants her wedding cake to look like, what the invitations should say, etc...
Of course, these are generalizations, but ones taken from being involved in a couple of hundred plannings of weddings.
You'll notice the mother of the bride has a big stake in this, too. What I have seen so often is that in the planning, the bride's mother is often her most trusted advisor. She will rely on her Mom greatly at times and sometimes they will butt heads a bit over the process. In some cases, it is because the Bride's mom wants her daughter to have the wedding she didn't have. Sometimes it is just because she wants to dictate a social event for her friends and family. The bride's mom also traditionally has the purse strings of the event in hand. And that can be a powerful thing and one that can become a hurtful thing to the bride.
My advice there, usually given in front of the bride, groom and in-laws is said with a smile and a laugh but it is also cautionary. It is said to remind them of who's big day it most likely is. A fairy tale wedding may be the goal, but it should be the bride who chooses which tale will be told.
The groom should have input, and it is a wonderful thing when he is involved, both in making decisions and being a supporter for his wife to be. The bride will be going through a ton of work on this all the while juggling school or her job and a social calendar, plus her family and husband to be. That's a lot on anyone's shoulders and any help that the groom can give is great. As long as it doesn't run counter to the bride's wishes too often.
The high stresses of planning a big wedding can lead any couple to an argument or two. Especially when their wishes for the event don't coincide. In such cases, my advice hopefully gently reminds the groom that deferring to his bride's wishes can be a very good idea. That doesn't mean he should be a doormat, but that when he notices that she has set her feet in concrete over an issue, he should step back and politely concede. Some of the minor issues aren't worth disrupting their future harmony over.
And it also, sadly, won't become a bone of contention later on if she had to give up something she had really wanted (re: Bride's mom and the wedding she didn't have...).
But then again, what do I know? Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I was asking Paul this evening about my flower choices. His response "But what do they do?" Boys Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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theresa, I would make a suggestion that some time in the begining of May you and Paul take a day to go somewhere just the two of you. Don't talk about the wedding. The two of you just spend the day together away from wedding planning. You will be surprised at how great you feel without the stress of the wedding.
Posts: 747 | Registered: Aug 2004
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theresa- I'm getting married on May 5 this year to a wonderful man named Paul. We have some things in common. Though it seems you are more organized than me. I'll probably come to this thread with a question or two (or twenty-three)in the upcoming months. Posts: 1635 | Registered: Aug 2002
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