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I just found out today on my way home from work. The doctors have said that the only treatment is surgery, but she probably wouldn't survive the operation because of her age and her other health problems. They've said she has about six months to live.
They've said that they'll help with aetting up in home hospice care.
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Home hospice care is wonderful, the people are so very nice and they think of everything. I'm very sorry about the sad news. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
Posts: 3636 | Registered: Oct 2001
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She's in a care facility right now. They're doing occupational therapy. I think she's decided it's time to stop fighting.
My mom and her siblings are discussing in home hospice care. I know that my grandmother wants to be at home. She wouldn't want to die in a hospital. I don't know how long she'll last. The prognosis is six months, but I'm not sure she'll make it that long.
For now, it's just a matter of waiting.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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That's awful, Derrell I am so sorry. My grandma also was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I remember my family making those same agonizing decisions. Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Derrell I wish I had something to say. I'm just very sorry for you and your family. I hope that her last months are peaceful and pain free.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I'm just first seeing this thread, and I want you to know that my thoughts are with you. I've worked for years as a home hospice nurse, so I have seen many families in the same kind of situation. I'm glad that hospice will be involved in her care; it can make a big difference in your grandmother's comfort and care.
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Derrell, one thing I would suggest, if your grandmother is OK with it, is to make a recording of her telling you stories about the family, or about her childhood. It was one of the things my grandmother and I were always going to do "before it was too late." Because I wanted to deny the reality of her dying, ever, I waited too long, until she was mentally incapable. She had such a distinctive voice. ANd she told wonderful stories.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Derrell, I'm so sorry to hear that. My grandmother was disagnosed with terminal cancer about 2 years ago. She had hospice care and it worked really well for our family.
I agree with Liz's advice. I wish I had had the time to write down, or at least record everything my grandmother told me before she passed. If you're able to make sure to spend some time with her. The few trips I was able to make to see her while she was sick are very precious to me.
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Farmgirl, she lives in the same mobile home park. Right now she's in a care facilty. She'll probably be there until we can get in home care set up. My aunt works and can't take care of her 24 hours a day.
Yesterday wasn't a good day for grandma. She refused to eat breakfast and lunch. This isn't a good thing to do when you're diabetic. Her blood sugar plummeted and she passed out.
She's lost a lot of weight the last few weeks because of a loss of appetite. I'm guessing it's because the pancreas isn't producing insulin anymore.
I think she's completely given up the will to live. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Sorry Jake, I didn't see your question until I was rereading the thread just now. She's 87.
Things aren't looking good. Her blood pressure is low and she's in constant pain. Then there's the massive weight loss.
This coming Saturday, we're going to the mortuary to start the preparations for what seems to be just around the corner.
I'd like to ask those who are the praying kind to pray that the end will be peaceful and painless. I also ask for prayers for those she'll leave behind.
It's hard to believe this could finally be the end. She's survived two battles with breast cancer, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.
It's posssible she won't make it another six weeks, much less the six months the doctors gave her. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I'm the same way. I can never find the right words to say what I'm feeling at times like this.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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One thing I have learned from people who have done hospice with their loved ones is that there is often a time near the end when the person becomes extremely lucid, and may even get up and have a meal with you, joke, and seem to have miraculously recovered.
I say this so you are prepared for it. My husband's cousin did this, and they really did think it was a miracle, then were devastated anew.
Another friend had this happen with her husband, and still treasures this last moment with him.
My grandmother had an hour or so of this lucidity when she was able to tease her doctor relentlessly, and tell my aunt a few things.
I do think of this as a miracle in itself, a last gift before parting.
I hope this is not inappropriate to talk about. As you say, I am never quite sure what to say and what not to say, but this was meant as a help not just to tell a story.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Elizabeth, (and Derrell, of course) in my experience as a hospice nurse, this kind of thing is possible, but actually unusual. I've seen it in a very small minority of the patients I've cared for. More common is an increasing withdrawal from this world as the soul prepares for entry into the next. Whatever way she does it, though, Derrell's grandmother will do it her own way -- as we all do when given the benefit of a hospice death. It is a sad, but good thing. All things come to an end, there is nothing we can do about it, but to help midwife the passage to make it as smooth and painless as we can.
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Tante, I am just glad I know it, if I ever have to experience it.
Another friend's mom just passed, and they sat around her and sang her Polish folk songs. At one point, she awakened fully and sang with them, and then she passed.
I have heard that the dying process is very much like a birth.
Derrell, your grandmother is lucky to have you there. She will feel your love. I believe that. When I was sick, I could feel people with me.
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Derrel, you'll all be in my prayers. My your grandmother have a peaceful and painless passing, and may you all find your own peace along the way.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Things have gone dramatically downhill. She's lost a considerable amount of weight because she's not eating. Her liver has started malfunctioning. I'm going to visit her today because I don't think she has much time left. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I'm sorry, Darrell. I just lost my grandpa to pancreatic cancer. Same thing, they gave him six months, and he lasted about two.
On the bright side, he didn't have a lot of time to be sick. I hope your grandmother's passing is peaceful.
Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
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It's amazing how much strength one can get from a group of people one has never met. Thanks to one and all for the good thoughts and prayers.
I went to visit her today. I was amazed how much worse it's gotten, even since the last time I visited. She looked so skinny and frail. She's eating so little that I'm not sure how much longer her body can keep going.
The staff at the care facility won't give her IV nutrients. I think that has something to do with the DNR she signed.
I've already talked to my boss about the company's policy on bereavement leave. I'll get three days off. I think that's pretty standard. The funeral will be here in the Phoenix area, but the burial will be in the small town where she raised her kids. It's about a four hour drive north and east of here.
For who believe in the power of prayer, I would ask that you pray that her passing will be peaceful and come soon. I think she's suffered enough. Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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I will certainly pray for her, and for you and your family as well.
Derrell, I know the pain of losing a grandparent who was very special to you, and it was extremely hard. But know that your love for her, while it may cause you pain now as you mourn the upcoming loss of her, will be a comfort and strength to you later, when the pain eases. I know I owe much of who I am today to the love that my grandparents showered on me, and they hold a very special place in my heart. I'm so very glad of that. I know you will be too.
In the meantime, you have my deepest condolences on the situation.
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