FacebookTwitter
Hatrack River Forum   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Superheroes You DON'T Want to be Rescued By (Page 1)

  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Superheroes You DON'T Want to be Rescued By
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
I was talking to my best friend Kara earlier tonight, and somehow or another she jokingly called me Mr. Abandoner (because I "abandoned" a movie the two of us both really liked). So anyway, I said that should be my superhero name: The Abandoner.

Anyways, this is what we came up with: (Apologies for the conversational style)

Me -The Abandoner. How'd you like to be resuced by HIM?
Kara - Lol
Me - "Thanks for your help, but you know that cave entrance is still collapsing...wait..where are you going?!"

Me - If I'm The Abandoner, what are you?
Kara - The Procrastinator! "::whines:: I'll rescue him laterrrrrr!!"

Me - What would she be? The Avoider? "Help!! Help! ::Avoider deftly evades::"
Kara - "Look! Danger! Let's go that way!"
Me - "Perhaps if we ran away, it would help to diffuse the situation."


Me - The Avoider, The Procrastinator, and The Abandoner, together they make up the most ineffective fighting force known to man! All we need to join the force is Apathy Man and the Willful Ignoramace.

Me- Now you're: The Instigator! I'd love to be rescued by the Taunter
"Help! Help!"
"Wow, in a bit of a jam there aren't you?"
Kara - "Oh. OH. What. What. You want... help?! Like, my help?! Well guess what you're not getting buddy!"


So who would you NOT want to be rescued by?

Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CaySedai
Member
Member # 6459

 - posted      Profile for CaySedai   Email CaySedai         Edit/Delete Post 
The Tally-keeper (I can't think of a good name)

"Okay, I'll rescue you, but now you owe me a favor. Don't forget I rescued you last month, so that will make two. Oh, and there was that incident back in 1982 ... "

Posts: 2034 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

 - posted      Profile for Bob_Scopatz   Email Bob_Scopatz         Edit/Delete Post 
The Insurer -- Okay, we'll need the last 4 digits of your social security number. Today's rescue may be monitored for training purposes. Oh, and you'll have to rescue yourself for the first 10% of the rescue, or until your rescue deductible has been met, whichever is greater.

Now, before we proceed, is today's rescue the result of a pre-existing condition?

Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

 - posted      Profile for Bob_Scopatz   Email Bob_Scopatz         Edit/Delete Post 
The New-Age Emotional Supporter --

Hey, don't feel bad. Lot's of people need rescuing. It's not your fault. In fact, if you think about it, this rescue is really just another proof of how interconnected we all are. Like a beautiful tapestry, we're all interwoven. Okay, now, what I need you to do is imagine you're in a safe place...

Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheTick
Member
Member # 2883

 - posted      Profile for TheTick   Email TheTick         Edit/Delete Post 
The Streaker.
Posts: 5422 | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elizabeth
Member
Member # 5218

 - posted      Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth         Edit/Delete Post 
The Politician

"Let me have my constituents take a poll to see if it is in my best interest to rescue you at this time."

Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
Captain BO

"save me, save me, but from a distance, a big distance."

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Pixiest
Member
Member # 1863

 - posted      Profile for The Pixiest   Email The Pixiest         Edit/Delete Post 
The Flatulator. He can fly, but only by flapping his arms. He has to carry you with his legs.
(Straight to the fart joke. I'm such a hack.)

Script Kitty. She uses other super hero's techniques but doesn't really know what she's doing so she has a tendancy to screw up and get people killed.

Captain Stalker. He rescues you, then won't leave you the F*** alone! "Hey there babe, you KNOW you owe me your life, right? *chk* *point*" *shudder* creepy. Maybe he hangs out with Cay's The Tallykeeper.

Pix

Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
Then there is Bob's secret identity---

"Punster, come quick. The plane's engine has died and its falling."

"It can't be falling, its only summer. And its not a plane, why it looks like a 3 dimensional object to me. And the injun's died? Who killed it, some flying cowboy?"

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Raia
Member
Member # 4700

 - posted      Profile for Raia   Email Raia         Edit/Delete Post 
The Accident-Pronester

"I'll save you!...

...Oops!"

Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Demonstrocity
Member
Member # 9579

 - posted      Profile for Demonstrocity   Email Demonstrocity         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:

Script Kitty. She uses other super hero's techniques but doesn't really know what she's doing so she has a tendancy to screw up and get people killed.

[ROFL]
Posts: 246 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MightyCow
Member
Member # 9253

 - posted      Profile for MightyCow           Edit/Delete Post 
The Zealot: I'm here to rescue you!
Endangered Person: Hooray!
The Zealot: Just as soon as you agree with everything I am about to explain to you.
Endangered Person: Can't you just rescue me now?
The Zealot: No, that would be wrong. You can only be saved if you believe as I do. Let's start at the beginning...

Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Puffy Treat
Member
Member # 7210

 - posted      Profile for Puffy Treat           Edit/Delete Post 
The Incontinent Seven and the Male Strippers of Justice are two hero teams not to be called upon in times of peril.
Posts: 6689 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gwen
Member
Member # 9551

 - posted      Profile for Gwen           Edit/Delete Post 
John Holt talked about The Helping Hand (as in "The Helping Hand strikes again!"): someone who helps someone who genuinely needs help, but then comes to define the person as someone who needs help and so goes on to "help" them with things they don't need help with and then later with things they don't want help with. They start out pushing your wheelchair or helping you across the street, they end up spoon-feeding you because you can't do it yourself.
He was making a larger point about adult-child dynamics and parenting, but that's definitely not a superhero I'd want to be rescued by.

Posts: 283 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
plaid
Member
Member # 2393

 - posted      Profile for plaid   Email plaid         Edit/Delete Post 
Amway Man
Posts: 2911 | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Architraz Warden
Member
Member # 4285

 - posted      Profile for Architraz Warden   Email Architraz Warden         Edit/Delete Post 
The Stone-thrower:

"You know, I wouldn't have had to wake up at 6 in the morning if you hadn't gotten yourself kidnapped, tied up, and placed on an active railroad track. And are you wearing SOCKS with SANDALS?!?!??"

Posts: 1368 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
airmanfour
Member
Member # 6111

 - posted      Profile for airmanfour           Edit/Delete Post 
The Amputator:

"You'd give your right arm for what?"

Posts: 1156 | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
The Legal Eagle:

"Squawk, Herewith I, the party of the second part, known as the hero, shall save the party of the first part, from henceforth called the victim, from a fate equivelant to or worse than painful death in exchange...

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
The Telemarketer (The Insurer's Sidekick):

"Now before we get to the rescuing let me just ask you a few quick questions about your time in peril. Is this your first time in peril? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the peril?"
"Ten! Ten! Now rescue me!"
"Just a few more questions, choosing from a menu of unlikely, somewhat unlikely, likely, somewhat likely, and likely, what is the chance you imagine of wanting to become in peril again?"

(Bob's is my favorite)

Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elizabeth
Member
Member # 5218

 - posted      Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth         Edit/Delete Post 
The Elementary School Teacher.

"Before I rescue you, you must be color-coded and laminated. However, we have just run out of money for the laminating machine, so you will have to wait until we ask the school committee for an emergency override."

Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PSI Teleport
Member
Member # 5545

 - posted      Profile for PSI Teleport   Email PSI Teleport         Edit/Delete Post 
The Student-Hero.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tante Shvester
Member
Member # 8202

 - posted      Profile for Tante Shvester   Email Tante Shvester         Edit/Delete Post 
I am TicketMaster. I'll save you -- for a price.

StairMaster, by the way, trumps Ticketmaster, because even if TicketMaster sells him seats way up in the nosebleed section of the highest bleachers, StairMaster can make his way up there, no sweat.

Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Demonstrocity
Member
Member # 9579

 - posted      Profile for Demonstrocity   Email Demonstrocity         Edit/Delete Post 
Someone with reasonable drawing skills should really illustrate some of these!
Posts: 246 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ketchupqueen
Member
Member # 6877

 - posted      Profile for ketchupqueen   Email ketchupqueen         Edit/Delete Post 
Rotten Fish Man
Smallpox Man
The Bitter Ex
Melancholy Man
Undiscerning Boy

Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
The Whiner.

"I'll try to help you, but the flames are just soooo hot. And nobody everr hellps meeeee."

The Fran Dresher Voice Impersonator.

"Please, shut up or throw me back into that pit of ravenous were-weasels."


Doc Social-Darwinist.

"Please, if you need to be rescued it clearly shows that you deserve to be in peril. If you can't rescue yourself than your removal from the gene pool will improve humanity."

Commie Man-ifesto.

"I swear to rescue all comrade's equally. Just some rescue's are more equal than others."

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecthalion
Member
Member # 8825

 - posted      Profile for Ecthalion   Email Ecthalion         Edit/Delete Post 
Ego Man: alias of Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt

"help, help!"

"hold on, are the cameras watching?"

"what are you talking about im in need of help!"

"should i come in at the left or right side? I want to make sure my physique is perfectly shown"

"Im burning alive!!!"

"maybe i should have worn tighter clithes, these dont do me well. Perhaps i should have just come naked, make the whole world envy me.

"Dude the gas line is gonna blow wont you do something?"

"What about my hair? I cant rescue somone looking like i just got out of bed. Hmmmm? you say there will be an explosion? well i should probably get out of here then, i woulndt want to have an unsightly scar or singed hair."

"@#(&@#)$)@*Y$)*@#)%^(&!!!!"

Posts: 467 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Palliard
Member
Member # 8109

 - posted      Profile for Palliard   Email Palliard         Edit/Delete Post 
Liability Man: he might save you, but he comes with his own possibly-worse problems.

A close runner-up, as a matter of historical curiosity, would be Captain Jinks of the Horse Marines.

Posts: 196 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elizabeth
Member
Member # 5218

 - posted      Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth         Edit/Delete Post 
Dr. Phil and his sidekick, Oprah Winfrey

They will save you, but they will have to discuss it with your family first, and you will have to confront your family, or they will have to confront you, and you will have to break down in tears. But don't worry, when you die because it took them too long to save you, Oprah will give your family lots of money, and maybe a new car.

Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
Inferiority Complex Man -

"I WOULD save you, but I'm sure somebody better can do it."

Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gwen
Member
Member # 9551

 - posted      Profile for Gwen           Edit/Delete Post 
Ms. Manners:
"Help! Help!"
"What's the magic word?"

Posts: 283 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jeesh
Member
Member # 9163

 - posted      Profile for Jeesh           Edit/Delete Post 
The Advisor-

"Save me!"

"Are you sure you want me to?"

"Yes! Please!"

"You should think this through, is this the best choice?"

"Yes! Save me!"

"Are you sure I'm the best one to do it? There might be som-"

"Just save me!"

"You shouldn't interupt people like that, it could get you into trouble one day"

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elizabeth
Member
Member # 5218

 - posted      Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth         Edit/Delete Post 
And the Advisor's counterpart, The Therapist: He speaks only in I-Statements:

"What I hear you saying is that you are in danger. I feel anxious when I see that you are in danger. I feel like running away when I realize that your danger might in some way put me in danger. I feel guilty when I feel like running away, because that makes me feel like a coward. However, I am out of here."

Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Eduardo St. Elmo
Member
Member # 9566

 - posted      Profile for Eduardo St. Elmo   Email Eduardo St. Elmo         Edit/Delete Post 
Captain Fantastic

Because most of the dangers he perceives are only present in his own mind, his attempts to act the hero tend to have only comical effects. Leaving the person in distress without a solution to his/her plight.

(Do Not Adjust Your Set)

Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
Expectant Father Man -

"Help, please save me!"

"I'm here to save- ::BEEP BEEP BEEP:: Oh come on, now? I'm having a baby!"

Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
Stronger than either Captain America or Captain Marvell its...its...

General Misery.
(Moonlights as a motivational speaker)

You get yourself out of your own trouble or you'll end up like me.

Living by myself...

in a van...

down by the river.

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
Haha, General Misery's real name is Matt Foley?
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rivka
Member
Member # 4859

 - posted      Profile for rivka   Email rivka         Edit/Delete Post 
Elizabeth wins the thread. [Big Grin]

(Although it was close.)

Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Flaming Toad on a Stick
Member
Member # 9302

 - posted      Profile for Flaming Toad on a Stick   Email Flaming Toad on a Stick         Edit/Delete Post 
I think my screen name would make a pretty bad super hero.
Not many people would want to be rescued if it meant getting covered in slime, burned and poked by a sharp skewer.
[Evil] [Evil Laugh]

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jim-Me
Member
Member # 6426

 - posted      Profile for Jim-Me   Email Jim-Me         Edit/Delete Post 
This entire thread was genius. Thanks guys.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

 - posted      Profile for Dan_raven   Email Dan_raven         Edit/Delete Post 
The Hatrack Kid:

"Ok, ok. I'll be there in a second. Just one more post, and refresh, and oh, a new Gay Marriage thread."

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JennaDean
Member
Member # 8816

 - posted      Profile for JennaDean   Email JennaDean         Edit/Delete Post 
Does this thread remind anyone else of "Who's Line is it Anyway?"

I keep seeing Wayne Brady jumping in as The Flatulator ... and Ryan Stiles as the Accident Prone-ster. "Oops!"

Posts: 1522 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Uprooted
Member
Member # 8353

 - posted      Profile for Uprooted   Email Uprooted         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
I'd love to be rescued by the Taunter
"Help! Help!"
"Wow, in a bit of a jam there aren't you?"
Kara - "Oh. OH. What. What. You want... help?! Like, my help?! Well guess what you're not getting buddy!"

I think they've made a TV show about The Taunter already -- but they call it House.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Uprooted
Member
Member # 8353

 - posted      Profile for Uprooted   Email Uprooted         Edit/Delete Post 
The Drama Queen.

"Help! Help!"
DQ: "What, me? You want MY help? OMG, that just makes me feel so . . . (gets teary) wow, like you want ME to save you? And all this time I thought you didn't value me as a person! (hits speed dial on cell phone) "Hey, you'll never believe this, so and so is in grave peril here and he's asking ME to save him!"

Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BlackBlade
Member
Member # 8376

 - posted      Profile for BlackBlade   Email BlackBlade         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
The Drama Queen.

"Help! Help!"
DQ: "What, me? You want MY help? OMG, that just makes me feel so . . . (gets teary) wow, like you want ME to save you? And all this time I thought you didn't value me as a person! (hits speed dial on cell phone) "Hey, you'll never believe this, so and so is in grave peril here and he's asking ME to save him!"

Really good work Uprooted! [Smile]

The Blue Teenager:

You: HELP SAVE ME!

TBT: what...? I'm sorry I'm writing a poem about my girlfriend, she dumped me 4 weeks ago, I think I might turn this into a song for my band.

You: I NEED HELP NOW! IT BURNS!

Don't yell at me! You don't understand what its like! She meant everything to me! And now she is dating the biggest jerk in school! Ill never be happy again, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elizabeth
Member
Member # 5218

 - posted      Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth         Edit/Delete Post 
I love this thread, too, because it is a sort of reborn "Make up your own crappy superhero" thread which is nowhere to be found on this forum.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lyrhawn
Member
Member # 7039

 - posted      Profile for Lyrhawn   Email Lyrhawn         Edit/Delete Post 
For some reason the Blue Teenager made me think of the Angstinator, which I imagine would be about the same thing. That for some reason led me to:

The Existentialist!

"Help, I'm stuck here!"

"Why are you there?"

"Because some villain tied me up and put me here?"

"Why am I here?"

"To rescue me!"

"Why are any of us here? What's the point of all of this?"

"Oh just kill me now."

Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ketchupqueen
Member
Member # 6877

 - posted      Profile for ketchupqueen   Email ketchupqueen         Edit/Delete Post 
SuperTot: This two-year old superhero is sometimes helpful, but sometimes a holy terror. Known to ignore requests for help if a supervillain holds out a bowl of ice cream, SuperTot also throws temper tantrums in which small cities are destroyed, stops in mid-air on her way to the rescue to inform everyone that she needs to poop, and won't help people if she doesn't like them, she is distracted by a toy, or it's too close to her naptime. Sometimes she accidentally locks herself in her bedroom, and she often covers her eyes or says, "Uh-oh!" instead of helping when there's a disaster.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GaalDornick
Member
Member # 8880

 - posted      Profile for GaalDornick           Edit/Delete Post 
Hippie Man

"Help! Help I'm dying!"

"Dude, just chill out. It's all going to be fine. Whoooaaah, you know if you hold your hands out and tilt your head you look like a unicorn with its colors shooting out like stars."

"Please help me, my car will explode any minute and the doors won't open!!!"

"You know, cars are all a government conspiracy made to keep us in fear about oil and wars and terror. And burning oil is totally destroying nature's natural beauty. Maybe you deserve what you're getting."

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rivka
Member
Member # 4859

 - posted      Profile for rivka   Email rivka         Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Dan_raven:
The Hatrack Kid:

"Ok, ok. I'll be there in a second. Just one more post, and refresh, and oh, a new Gay Marriage thread."

Hey! I'm a superhero! [Big Grin]
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ketchupqueen
Member
Member # 6877

 - posted      Profile for ketchupqueen   Email ketchupqueen         Edit/Delete Post 
You're my superhero. *makes batty eyes at rivka*
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2