posted
We've all seen bad movies, and wasting two hours of your life is never pleasant. But when you've paid $8 for it, the insult seems to be more painful.
I remember when The Flintstones came out in theatres. I don't know what came over me, but I saw it in a first-run theatre. I was so angry when I came out of that movie that I decided to sneak into another one to get some value for my cash. So I found another film that was just starting, and would you believe it, the movie was Being Human. There were about 10 people in the theater. I took a seat in the second row and watched the entire movie. When the credits started to roll I stood up, looked behind me, and discovered that I was all alone in the theater. I was the only person that hadn't walked out on the turkey.
A few days ago, I went to the theater to see Crank. I usually have pretty low standards for brainless action films. I even liked The Transporter, despite it being saddled with one of the worst scripts ever written. So I didn't think too much could go wrong with Crank. Boy, was I ever mistaken.
The dialogue was even worse than The Transporter. The action was completely arbitrary, nonsensical and stupid. The director and the editor tried some "stylish" tricks that gave me a headache and stomach cramps. And some of the most mind-bendingly horrible continuity errors were written, with pride, right into the script.
There was a scene at the beginning where Mr. Crank (or whatever the hell his name was) faced down 15 gangsters with guns, which made him calm down until he decided he wanted to fight them. Then for some reason they were all unarmed. And if that wasn't bad enough, they didn't even use it as an excuse for a brainless fight scene. They just showed him rush them, then cut to a shot of the outside of the building, some ass-kicking sound effects, and he came out and got in his car and drove away.
Then, about 2/3 of the way into the movie, he's in a big gunfight with a bunch of bad guys. As he's running to an elevator, he gets shot right through the leg, and practically has to crawl to the elevator to get away. I was wondering how they were going to work the rest of the movie with him crippled. Then in the next shot the elevator stops and he comes running out, starts fighting, and his leg wound is never mentioned again.
And that's not even mentioning the fact that he's given a poison that's supposed to kill him within an hour, and some loud heavy metal music lets him survive a couple of days.
I can't even describe how pissed off I was leaving the theater, knowing that I'd supported the morons that made that crappy movie. Any similar stories might help me feel better.
Oh, and by the way, don't ever see Crank. That's all.
Posts: 563 | Registered: Feb 2006
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The theater I saw "Be Cool" in had 178 ceiling tiles.
Invincible or whatever that movie was called that had Bruce Willis and Samual L Jackson was pretty bad too. I think I actually walked out of that one.
Posts: 298 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Too bad you walked out of Unbreakable; it got much better by the end. You could argue that this doesn't excuse the slow beginning, of course.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Carrie 2, The Babysitter's Club, Collateral. The newer incarnation of Planet of the Apes.
My ex showed me Unbreakable at home. If I could have walked out, I would have. He kept saying it was going to get better. It never did.
Posts: 511 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Unbreakable seemed weak because it was being measured against his prior film, The Sixth Sense. I'm going to have to watch it again and try to remain impartial.
And, Luet, you consider Collateral one of the worst? Citizen Kane it's not, but still...
The only movie I remember seeing in a theater and cringing throughout was Spy Hard. The IMDB page says it all, especially the user comment "Oh, why didn't I see a Pauly Shore film instead?"
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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See, I do enjoy comic books, and I went in expecting to like it, but it was just way too slow for me. Though I suppose it isn't fair for me to call it bad. It probably more my problem of not being able to sit still long enough. I just don't have that kind of patience.
Posts: 298 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Unbreakable seemed weak because it was being measured against his prior film, The Sixth Sense. I'm going to have to watch it again and try to remain impartial.
See, I thought Unbreakable was considerably better than The Sixth Sense.Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Ummm...Battlefield Earth anyone? Or is everyone else trying to ignore the fact that that movie ever existed (Granted, I didn't see it in the theater...so I guess it doesn't count here does it )
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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What Women Want. I hate going to movies with groups of people. They always make me see the sort of movies I'd never see on my own.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Nighthawk: Yes, I do consider Collateral one of the worst. I don't recall at this point exactly why I disliked it so much. Only that I had a hard time holding myself back from getting ghetto and jeering, out loud at the theatre, at the characters because I disliked them so much. I had no real problem with Jamie Foxx, but everything else was too lame for me.
And Tom, I like comic books, and almost all other comic book related movies I've seen. Unbreakable just sucked IMHO.
Posts: 511 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone ... in glorious polarized-light 3D! THERE's two hours of my life that could have been better-squandered getting drunk and re-reading old Mad magazines. It might have been worth it if they'd let you keep the glasses...
Posts: 196 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Palliard: Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone ... in glorious polarized-light 3D! THERE's two hours of my life that could have been better-squandered getting drunk and re-reading old Mad magazines. It might have been worth it if they'd let you keep the glasses...
Oh come on. Molly Ringwald makes it an instant hit.
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: I'm going to have to go with Dr. T and the Women. Talk about your sexist, offensive, mind numbingly dull pieces of crap.
Count me among those who liked Unbreakable.
Arg. I hate that movie. That guy was so condescending towards women and all the men hunted ducks and the women went shopping and it was just so STUPID!
Also I liked Unbreakable.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Boris: Ummm...Battlefield Earth anyone? Or is everyone else trying to ignore the fact that that movie ever existed (Granted, I didn't see it in the theater...so I guess it doesn't count here does it )
Thank you for digging up a repressed memory.
There's a difference between going to see a movie normally and going to see a movie while being fully aware that it's going to suck. I went to see Battlefield Earth because of the bad press it got, and with that mindset the movie doesn't feel as painful at it would to somebody going to see it normally.
Case in point: if you went to the theater to see Plan Nine from Outer Space, without knowing anything about it or its history, how would you react to it? I had trouble watching that movie on video before I'd seen Ed Wood. After seeing Ed Wood, Plan Nine... was much more tolerable.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Fast Runner. One of those movies they only show in artsy theatres. A three-hour-long love triangle story taking place in the Canadian Arctic, spoken entirely in Inuit with subtitles at least a page long per frame, consisting mainly of long screaming arguments seperated by frantic whale-harpooning and hide-scraping sprees, and kinky igloo sex. There was also a part where a guy ran a couple miles through the snow-covered tundra completley naked, hence the title.
My sister and I were twelve at the time. My dad and us left half way through, and my mom stayed till the end, and came out claiming it had been a really good movie and we just didn't know how to appreciate other cultures. Posts: 464 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Mars Attacks was painful. My friends and I spent the last half of this movie trying to top each other for the best way to commit suicide.
Sphere. I kept falling asleep in this thing and kept waking up and kept thinking are we still here? That movie was long. If today is the last day you're going to see someone you care about, watch Sphere with them. It will be like you gained another lifetime together.
Although I loved it, I'm not suprised people didn't like Unbreakable. I say this because I loved it so much, in a way that was so personal, that I can believe it has a very specific audience.
Also loved The Village, which I know lots of people didn't like, but that was partly due to madly falling for the blind girl pretty early on.
Lady In The Water, on the other hand . . .
I don't know. Maybe if it had been marketed as what it was--a semi-serious but at times tounge-in-cheek and at times downright silly family fantasy film--instead of what they thought would sell--a serious thriller--I might have dug it.
Also Bad: Any Batman but the Jack Nicholson one and the Christian Bale one.
Oh, and like any early 80's comic book movie that wasn't Superman. Like Captain America or Doc Savage. Holy crapoli.
Ditto on Spy Hard. And Wrongfully Accused. And Dracula: Dead and Loving It. It took me way too long to catch on that having Leslie Neilson in a movie did not mean it would be funny.
Posts: 1894 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I disagree with many of you about your tastes in movies.
For me, the worst movie, and the only movie I've ever walked out on, was Robocop 3.
I just couldn't handle the overwhelming terribleness of it. The only reason I had wanted to see it in the first place was Frank Miller.
Posts: 2267 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: What Women Want.
I like that one! But I never took it seriously -- it's a comedy with lots of cute tips-of-the-hat to older movies, not social commentary.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote: How old are you, if getting drunk was an option for you?
Might not be the best thing to judge by. My grandfather introduced me to "boilermakers" when I was eight. And not for the reasons you may suspect.
So, let me nominate a more contemporary movie: Revenge of the Sith actually devoured part of my soul, and filled me with an urge to find George Lucas and beat him with blunt objects until he quit making noises.
Posts: 196 | Registered: May 2005
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I would say Alien 3 as it was more disappointing than highlander II but it had farther to fall. Alien 3 was simply no where near the wonderfulness that was Aliens. Highlander II was just downright stupid.
Honourable Mention goes to The Grudge.
Mars Attacks was wonderfully silly. If you were looking for something serious.. or funny in a non ACKACKACK-ACKACK-ACK way, I can see how you wouldn't like it, though.
I hated Unwatchable so much I mentioned it in my comic. But I didn't see it in the theatre.
posted
I concur with Battleship Earth. I thought it was so horribly bad that it was painful to watch. At some points, bad movies just become funny, but this one was just difficult to sit through.
I also hated Mars Attacks, but I think that's because I wasn't really expecting it to be so incredibly cheesy. Although I probably still wouldn't like it today.
One movie that no one's mentioned yet is Troy. I thought it was long and boring, and hugely innaccurate. I just remember sitting in the theater with my friends whispering "Release the flaming balls of yarn!" That line still cracks me up.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Ah, yes, Highlander sequels... I love how each of the three sequels completely ignores anything that happened prior.
Highlander: "There can be only one!" Highlander II: "No... wait... NOW I'm the only one!" Highlander III: "Who? In what cave? Darn... hold on... there! NOW I'm the only one!" Highlander IV: "Aw, crap... now what? Where'd this guy come from? Oh, forget it, just kill me already..."
I saw #2 and #3 in the theaters. They are a complete blur.
Hey, and I enjoyed Mars Attacks because I knew what to expect. It's those movies when you go expecting one thing and get something radically different that are the pinnacles of suck.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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quote: If today is the last day you're going to see someone you care about, watch Sphere with them. It will be like you gained another lifetime together.
I may go out and buy that movie and follow your advice one day.
I saw ALL of Possession with Gwyneth Paltrow...at night...and I was tired. I consider that one of my greatest feats of will--more so then being a vegetarian and giving up carbonation for a year over a dollar bet.
My poor wife saw Alex and Emma in the theater. She is still mad at the wasted money. She says it was like watching Possession all over again, only worse. Much much worse. Glad I missed it!
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Beloved and The Royal Tenenbaums I wanted to walk out of both of them but I kept thinking they would get better. I was sorely disappointed.
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Cars. I hated the first half, went out of the theater for a breather, and rest of the movie looked suspiciously like X-Men III.
Posts: 1156 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Oh, look, gratuitous violence, gratuitous violence; oooh, let's throw a Bible in the water, that boy is so bad! I had an abortion, now the creepy gang leader doesn't want to do me any more, waa-waa; look! a decent character, I know, I know, let's kill him with a cleaver; hey, time to throw in some immigrant history - it's a wrap!
I would have enjoyed that movie very much if EVERYONE had died at the end. Gruesomely. But quickly. I regret to this day not walkign out and asking for my money back. I kept thinking it couldn't possibly get worse.
Posts: 471 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I actually fell asleep during Sixth Sense.
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