As a BT (a religious Jew from a non-religious family of origin), I've had to make that kind of accommodation, too. But, hey, maybe if you are cool about it, you can be a good role model for the observant life to the Bar Mitzvah boy and the other kids.
Good luck!
(Oh, and one other thing. Instead of the RV, maybe you can contact the synagogue directly and ask if they know of some family in the area who might be willing to extend Shabbos hospitality to you. I've done this when the folks inviting me to their shindig didn't know anyone who lived close to the synagogue.)
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Is the ship going to have kosher food? Or are you expected to bring your own food and disposable plates too? The last bat mitzvah I went to, the first thing I saw when I walked in was scallops wrapped in bacon.
Maybe you could tell them that the sing-a-long part will be Eliahu HaNavi or Shavua Tov?
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Imagine having no respect for taboos three thousand years old! How awful!
As for the RV, well, you choose, apparently, not to take advantage of any other hospitality. If you're going to be awkward, you should pay for it; they have invited you to their bar mitzvah, but nobody is forcing you to go. If it's really so inconvenient and expensiev as all that, stay at home and kvit your kvetching.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I did wonder if you have to go. I regularly skip weddings, funerals, graduation parties and so on. I go if it's easy to go and I have something to wear or my parents will be there and I skip otherwise. Possibly sending a gift.
Bar mitsvahs for less active relatives are fairly required?
Posts: 1990 | Registered: Feb 2001
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: Imagine having no respect for taboos three thousand years old! How awful!
אתה יכול לנשק את התחת שלי
quote:Originally posted by King of Men: As for the RV, well, you choose, apparently, not to take advantage of any other hospitality.
קפוץ לי
quote:Originally posted by King of Men: If you're going to be awkward, you should pay for it; they have invited you to their bar mitzvah, but nobody is forcing you to go. If it's really so inconvenient and expensiev as all that, stay at home and kvit your kvetching.
I'd give much to do just that. When you grow up and get married, let's see how long it lasts if you try something like that.
Posts: 12266 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I have to admit, at this point and with everything that's happened to date, I'd be taking KoM's advice as well. Send your regrets, semi-belated as they may be. Sure there'll be snide comments and complaining later, but I'd bet that happens anyway, right?
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Virginia is beautiful this time of year. Don't come here with a bad attitude and mess things up.
Also, as a married guy with four kids and a large extended family-- we've said 'no' to family events where we knew our unique needs would not be met.
But bless your heart for accomodating your partner-- remember, it's about her, not about her family.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Its alitte ironic that in the above thread I resisted the urge to post that in one of your other venting threads, but had no such compunctions this time around
I hope your weekend turns out grand anyway!
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Not jump me. It's closer to "as far as I'm concerned, you can take a flying leap", but it's a little harsher. Closer in intent to "bite me".
Posts: 12266 | Registered: Jul 2005
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If you're going to translate it anyway, why post in Hebrew in the first place? Incidentally, why not pray to your god to smite me with boils, or something? Very popular in OT times, I understand. So far, I see no spirits.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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If cmc hadn't mistranslated it, I wouldn't have bothered. But I didn't want to be misrepresented.
What I really meant was, please shut your obnoxious and offensive hole and go talk to people who give half a damn what you have to say.
You are a troll. A troll who sits around waiting for his betters to talk about his one pet mania so that he can spew. When you grow up, if you grow up, I suspect you'll look back on these days with a bit of embarrassment, but personally, I have no tolerance for your interminable and smarmy sideswipes. Go play in traffic.
Posts: 12266 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
It does not seem to me that the difference between "Kiss my bum and jump" and "bite me" is so large as to be misrepresentation, but whatever floats your boat. As for the rest of your post, if you insist on posting about the problems that your beliefs cause you, you should not be surprised if people point out that the problem may lie with the belief rather than the hapless in-law you happen to be blaming this week. And finally, for someone who doesn't give half a damn (I wonder, does one not give the 'da', or it is the 'mn'?) you certainly seem to be expending a lot of posting time on me.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by starLisa: Go play in traffic.
If you are trying to be one's better. That would not be a good line to use. Just some food for thought.
Posts: 2208 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by starLisa: What I really meant was, please shut your obnoxious and offensive hole and go talk to people who give half a damn what you have to say.
You are a troll. A troll who sits around waiting for his betters to talk about his one pet mania so that he can spew. When you grow up, if you grow up, I suspect you'll look back on these days with a bit of embarrassment, but personally, I have no tolerance for your interminable and smarmy sideswipes. Go play in traffic.
posted
I have a 1 year old that likes to bang pots and kettles together and squeal. As if the banging or the squealing wasn't enough noise alone.
He also likes to play in traffic. And he will bite you, but then he smiles so sweetly with his six little teeth....
Adorable, says I. Of course, he also goes to bed at 8pm every night...which I think-- despite the pot-and-kettle-banging, and the road chicken-- could solve lots of people's problems.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by starLisa: What I really meant was, please shut your obnoxious and offensive hole and go talk to people who give half a damn what you have to say.
You are a troll. A troll who sits around waiting for his betters to talk about his one pet mania so that he can spew. When you grow up, if you grow up, I suspect you'll look back on these days with a bit of embarrassment, but personally, I have no tolerance for your interminable and smarmy sideswipes. Go play in traffic.
May I ask how your visit to Virginia last weekend went and what you thought of your experience at the Conservative Synagogue? It occurs to me that you might have actually attended my Synagogue, although I didn’t see an RV in the parking lot.
(I would have asked you last week what Synagogue you were going to, but I ruled out any possibility of your coming to mine when I mistakenly thought we were having a Bat Mitzvah this past weekend – not a Bar Mitzvah, which you said you were attending in your opening post. I hope I didn’t miss an opportunity to introduce myself and say “hi.”)
Posts: 195 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
It was in Herndon. I don't know if that's yours.
As far as the synagogue itself, the women in charge were absolutely wonderful. They went out of their way to be helpful to us. We actually parked in the back, next to the dumpster.
Wanna hear the story?
So. I retract all previous venting about my in-laws. They did their best. However.
We got lost leaving Chicago. Honestly. That should be impossible, but down at the end of South Shore Drive, it apparently is not. It was pouring, as well, which didn't help a bit.
We took 90 to 80 to 76 to 70. And then we got lost getting into Virginia. Y'all have really, really bad signage there. It comes across as "If you don't know where you are, you shouldn't have come here in the first place." A message I heartily agree with.
We get to my in-law's house about 12 hours after we left. And we crash for 4-5 hours. At which point we get up and go to the RV rental place.
My partner used to RV with her family when she was growing up. Her parents owned a 35-footer. I have visions of the Partridge Family just thinking about it. But you know, she didn't grow up Orthodox. Or observant at all. So it didn't occur to her that there were issues about an RV that might not work so well for frum yidden.
For example, you can't turn on a faucet in an RV, nor flush the toilet, without it causing an electrical pump to immediately run while you're doing it. That's a problem.
In any case, we got to the synagogue (after getting lost again), and parked in the back. The nice ladies at the synagogue came out with a thing of twine and proceeded to construct an eruv connecting the back door of the synagogue and the RV. Was it a kosher eruv? I kind of doubt it. But it was incredibly nice of them anyway.
Once it was tied, though, we couldn't move the RV again, and it was slightly tilted. Which we hadn't noticed until it was too late. I slept in the corner of the bed and the wall, waking up ever little while wondering whether the rain on the grass we were parked on was going to increase the tilt until the whole thing tipped over.
It didn't.
This synagogue has speakers all over the place, so that if you even whisper in the sanctuary, it can be heard everywhere. Which meant we couldn't say anything out loud while in the sanctuary.
The Torah portion was Noach. They read a tiny fraction of the portion. Basically, they read shevi'i (the seventh reading), chopped up into tiny bits. They gave people aliyot in pairs, which, while it occurred to me in a moment of madness that they might be doing it for the whole "2 by 2" thing, was actually because they had too many people who needed to be given honors.
Of course, Jewish law says that when you hear two sounds simultaneously, you haven't actually heard either of them. So having two people do an aliya at the same time, not to mention over loudspeakers, is like not doing it at all.
The service was pathetic from a Jewish point of view. I honestly and truly wanted to cry for this room full of Jews who know so little about their own heritage. And it wasn't only because it was Conservative. I grew up going to Camp Ramah. I davened for a time at an Egalitarian Minyan in Chicago. I know Conservative Jews who are well educated Jewishly (at least from a Conservative perspective). These were silly suburbanites who knew nothing at all. For them, Judaism is truly nothing more than a spectator sport, and it made me hurt inside just to see it.
The family was happy, and that was a wonderful thing. But that's so not Judaism. It's not even close.
Posts: 12266 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Not my synagogue. And from what you described, the synagogue you attended is very different from mine.
Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm glad I didn't miss an opportunity to meet you at my synagogue.
Posts: 195 | Registered: Nov 2005
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