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Personally, I could easily have entrusted that role to my mother, had I lived in a culture where that was appropriate.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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BB, for me, girls tend to give bad advice because they have a completely different mindset from myself. I had to stop speaking to a girl at one point because she wouldn't stop ranting about how SHE would never put up with a boyfriend being gone so much! Who does he think he is! Maybe he's cheating on you! And so forth.
What's funny is that girls melt when I tell them about the really sweet things he does. But then they HATE HIM as soon as I'm upset. Which maybe they're trying to be supportive, but I really can't handle that kind of "support."
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CT: I'm sorry if I caused you undue grief. Unless I specifically addressed the post to you, I was speaking in general. I understand the confusion, because reading your posts (among others) often got my mind going in the direction it was when I posted, so my posts often connected with yours in some way, even though they weren't a direct discussion.
Not to CT only:
I think in dating particularly, but often times in the world in general as well, deciding that people are something, in this case "shallow" is just as limiting to you as it is to them, if not more so.
Having worked in a dating company for several years, and having dated quite a bit myself, my intent was to caution against categorizing people based on limited information.
It's very possible that some of or even many of the people using the hotties-only website are limiting their choices in an unconstructive way. It's also very possible that some or even many are well aware of their needs when it comes to dating, and are making an informed choice in an effort to maximize their chances to find a suitable partner.
Bottom line: I find it silly to make superficial judgments about others, based on the fact that you (non-specific you) feel they are being superficial.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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I remember when my younger brother came to me for such advice. I gave it to him, and he was appreciative. He went against my advice, and it was the right decision.
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quote:I think it's like democracy: the worst system of government except for all the others.
Ooh! I like that analogy, and I think I agree with it.
The majority of the time, things are better with democracy, even though sometimes the choice made isn't the best choice.
Also, all choices and all decision-making strategies aren't equal -- some will produce better results than others.
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quote:And please accept my apologies - I don't think I can write it out. I hope this is okay.
I'm disappointed, but not in you, just that I don't get to read it.
I can't say that I understand, but I'm OK with that. I appreciate you trying, and I appreciate you trying to explain why you can't.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote: I think following the shoulds at the expense of my own judgement and feeling is much, much too high a cost. THAT's what isn't worth it to me.
You realize that this is precisely how I feel about religion, right? That it's one honkin' list of arbitrary, third-party "shoulds?" Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Tom: Yeah, I know. I understand the feelings in general. In the case of religion, though, I do feel it - I mean, I feel the answers to my prayers, I believe it, I've been convinced by what...what Joseph Smith (and many others - Matt knows who) called the gospel tasting good. The Lord is an authority I accept because it feels right down to my bones.
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MPH: I can't take credit for the quote - it's from Winston Churchill. I love it, though, and I think it applies here perfectly.
There isn't much more to it than what I've said already. Thank you for understanding.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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Kat -- I knew the quote from Winston Churchill, but I was responding with delight to applying it in this situation.
In other words, the majority of the time, people will be better off going with their gut/spark as to who they like, even though sometimes the choice made won't be the best choice.
Also, in both situations, all choices, criteria, and decision-making schemes aren't equal -- some will produce better choices than others.
I'm not sure if I completely believe that, but I like it nonetheless.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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