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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Ruining movies with a one line paraphrase. (Page 5)

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Author Topic: Ruining movies with a one line paraphrase.
DavidR
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It is worth watching. I had only read the first few examples when I composed and posted that. As I continued reading posts it dawned on me that I had misread what we were attempting to do here, but I decided to just leave it be. Let me try again with another movie.

"British diplomat, suddenly widowed, throws away career, and life, to avenge her against the pharmacutical industry and British government." -- Constant Gardener

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0Megabyte
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Nicholas Cage tries to write a screenplay. Takes advice from Nicholas Cage.
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The Pixiest
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Japanese orphans eat dirt and die.

Boy gets infected by pig and falls in love with a girl raised by wolves.

Lesbian hides murder from the law and her girlfriend in 1930s Alabama.

Talking pig herds sheep.

Immortal battles other immortals in contest to get ahead.

Man marries sweetheart's sister till she dies of bad gas.

Giant robots crush mom's flowers -- Masturbation implicated.

Man, mistaken for Messiah, meets same fate.

Frozen spy tells many penis jokes.

Men in skirts combat other men until one is gutted and screams.

Woman reluctantly faces her fears while accompanied by a campy, rowdy cadre of space marines.

Man survives inappropriate touching from his sister, only to have his hand cut off by his father.

Angry Hockey player learns golf from one handed man; gets beat up by Bob Barker.

Women drive cross country only to run out of road.

Stoners find love, monkey, on trip to hollywood.

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0Megabyte
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William Shatner shows what a bad director he is.

A woman in a psychiatric ward refuses to speak.

An action movie sequel to an awesome video game.

A couple of teenagers build a plane in an alternate-history Japan.

A Soviet general gets purged by Stalin.

Two guys kill a dude; hold a party with his body in the room.

Dead people eat military asshats.

Scooby-Doo fights vampires

Scooby-Doo fights pirates

Scooby-Doo fights the internet

Scooby-Doo fights (insert random badguy here)

Family guy splices three episodes together to make a movie

A girl sends text messages back to Earth while travelling at reletavistic speeds.

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0Megabyte
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"Japanese orphans eat dirt and die."

Aww! Why am I laughing, hearing that movie described that way?

"Boy gets infected by pig and falls in love with a girl raised by wolves."

I've actually heard worse descriptions of that one.

"Immortal battles other immortals in contest to get ahead."

Good pun!

"Giant robots crush mom's flowers -- Masturbation implicated."

Eh? What's that one?

"Man survives inappropriate touching from his sister, only to have his hand cut off by his father."

Empire Strikes Back?

"Woman reluctantly faces her fears while accompanied by a campy, rowdy cadre of space marines"

Aliens?

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Olivet
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Pixiest wins. [ROFL]
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Nighthawk
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"Women drive cross country only to run out of road."

Cute. [Smile]

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The Pixiest
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0meg: Yes on your guesses. The giant robots one describes probably the worst scene in transformers.

I felt bad describing the Japanese Orphans movie that way. Till I started giggling.

Olivet: Yay!!! I won a thread! and a HUGE thread too! Thank you =)

Nighthawk: =)

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0Megabyte
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Yeah. I gotta agree. Pixiest won the thread.

So far.

Yes. As for the Japanese Orphans movie, I felt sad a moment reading it, until, yes, I started laughing. More of a combination "laugh" and "aww" all at one time.

Really? That's a scene in Transformers? Oh dear God...

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Puffy Treat
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Nah, the worst scene in Transformers is either the peeing Bumblebee scene...or ANY scene with Code-Crackin', Donut-Eatin' Sassy Black Stereotype Guy.
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0Megabyte
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... once again: Oh dear God...
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The Pixiest
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These are kinda fun...

Young author and harlot girlfriend musically con Duke into building a theatre.

Froofy man tortures young woman, and wears masks in attempt to destroy government.

Barefoot man hides in air ducts during robbery attempt.

Meg Ryan stalks Tom Hanks from across the country.

Revolting Gladiator helps Dictatorship come to Rome.

Men fake kidnapping till woodchipper comes between them.

Sinking ship puts lovers' romance on ice.

Junky woman spurns rich and famous, but simple man till she gets sick.

Hitmen discuss european fast food on the way to their mark.

Man given entire planet seeks revenge on man who put him there and didn't call, didn't write.

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0Megabyte
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"Hitmen discuss european fast food on the way to their mark."

Oh, come on, that was, like, ten minutes of the movie, tops.

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Nighthawk
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...and it wasn't really a "mark", was it?
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0Megabyte
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mmm... I dunno.
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by The Pixiest:
Man marries sweetheart's sister till she dies of bad gas.

Sounds about right. I didn't like that movie at all.

quote:
Originally posted by The Pixiest:
Meg Ryan stalks Tom Hanks from across the country.

Too true. I like this movie, but when you really look at what happens during it . . . . [Angst]

And even worse, she gives up the really great guy who GETS her and wants the same things she does for some guy she doesn't know who happens to have a sweet kid.

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The Flying Dracula Hair
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Three hours about a ship sinking.
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Dan_raven
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Dude solves dysfunctional family problems till everybody dies and Poland invades.

Boy and girl, too young to marry, end up dieing thanks to their religious leader's silly plan.

(Or--better one: Its High School Musical, without the music, and set in Italy, and the kids die.)

Old dude writes will, retires, and goes bonkers in the rain till he dies.

Three old ladies and a nagging wife send a good guy into the world of ultimate dirty politics till he dies.

Child molesting dysfunctional family of fairies screw around with the love lives of Athens finest couples. (Surprisingly nobody dies)

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Puffy Treat
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quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
And even worse, she gives up the really great guy who GETS her and wants the same things she does for some guy she doesn't know who happens to have a sweet kid.

That's a pattern in Ephron movies. Her leads are always involved with somebody else, and these SOs are always given the flimsiest of flaws in order to justify them being dumped.

Meg Ryan's squeeze had allergies. Oooh, how terrible!

I agree with Mike Nelson, that it would have been easier to swallow if the guy had at least gotten UPSET when she dumped him.

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Puffy Treat
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Sarcastic samurai is irritated by association with enthusiastic samurai wannabe-rebel groupies, ends up feeling guilty about the whole thing.
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Puffy Treat
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Band of extremely ethnic children fight with extremely ethnic criminals for an extremely one-eyed pirate's hoard.
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Puffy Treat:
quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
And even worse, she gives up the really great guy who GETS her and wants the same things she does for some guy she doesn't know who happens to have a sweet kid.

That's a pattern in Ephron movies. Her leads are always involved with somebody else, and these SOs are always given the flimsiest of flaws in order to justify them being dumped.

Meg Ryan's squeeze had allergies. Oooh, how terrible!

I agree with Mike Nelson, that it would have been easier to swallow if the guy had at least gotten UPSET when she dumped him.

It didn't seem she dumped him because of the allergies, but because of the lack of "magic." If a friend used that line in real life, I'd tell her she was nuts. When I watch this movie, I get sucked in enough to get misty when she finally meets Tom Hanks.

I'm such a sucker.

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Tante Shvester
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A bunch of people go to four weddings. And a funeral.
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RunningBear
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there is a dead bride. she stays dead.
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Eaquae Legit
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Random people have psychological issues. Their therapist makes them worse. Depression ensues.
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Olivet
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Various damaged people emote convincingly, are connected by frog rain.
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Sterling
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High school students join military, fight big bugs.

Rock band slides toward obscurity, kills several drummers.

Mopey teenage girl gets ahead of herself in martial arts, ruins things for everyone else.

Mopey teenage boy gets ahead of himself in the Force, ruins things for everyone else.

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