posted
I can't understand why no one else seems to be as angry about it as I am... What they are doing and promoting is so unhealty.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Personally, I'm not angry 'cause I figure the majority of people that follow the schools of thought you're discussing are already the kind of people who would practice ahorable child rearing techniques before they find the books you're talking about. Not much anger can do about it.
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: I can't understand why no one else seems to be as angry about it as I am... What they are doing and promoting is so unhealty.
Yes, it is. But dwelling unhealthily on it does not stop them. If I were to do something about it, it would be to promote awareness of good parenting, and try to reach people who might not have access to that information-- not obsessing over it on a board full of what seem to be, from what I can tell, some pretty good parents. Also, I have interacted with a lot of parents, and if I have learned one thing, it's that you can't force your own parenting style on anyone else, and the best you can hope for is that your good example can rub off on others around you. Besides that, I really do not think that these ideas are as widespread as you fear. The internet can really distort issues like this, making them appear more widespread than they really are.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:I can't understand why no one else seems to be as angry about it as I am... What they are doing and promoting is so unhealty.
Syn, the thing is that there are lots of things - some much, much worse - that people are doing in this world.
The problem isn't that it makes you angry when you hear about them. The problem is that you don't seem to be able to talk about raising children without getting angry, even when they do not come up. In a sense, you have allowed their existence to rob some of the joy inherent in child-rearing.
I also think that your premise (that no one else seems as angry about it as you) is based on an unrealistic expectation that if others don't show anger as you do, then they don't abhor a practice as much as you do. Other people's ability to discuss other aspects of parenting without becoming angry at Ezzo, et al. does not mean they care less about bad parenting techniques.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: I can't understand why no one else seems to be as angry about it as I am... What they are doing and promoting is so unhealty.
But your reaction is unhealthy too. I don't think there is a single parent on this board that used the techniques you hate so much, so what are you accomplishing by ranting against them all the time?
Lots of people do lots of things that are unhealthy for their kids. I'm appalled at people who buy fast food for their families multiple times a week. Or allow their toddlers to drink sodas full of caffeine and sugar. But every time someone brings up food on this forum I don't start ranting and raving about those things.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
You're sort of proving their remarks true, Syn. You seem more than a bit fixated on your negative feelings towards these people. It's never a good idea to make something you hate a core of your life.
Trust me, I'm speaking from bitter experience. Posts: 6689 | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: Mostly I want to stop them without sinking to their level.
[and from page 2]
quote:... since I don't have children yet and I'm afraid of becoming punative when I have children.
*gently
This might be at the root of some of this.
I remember the first time I was angry at a child. I was astonished that I could be upset at a baby. An innocent baby! The force of that emotion -- so new and so completely unexpected -- really terrified me. It was years before I felt comfortable acknowledging I was capable of such anger, sometimes unreasonable anger, but that I also had enough skills and was smart and savvy enough to keep both me and the child I was angry with safe.
Also, sometimes people who were abused as children are also terrified of being abusers themselves, so they focus and dwell on the possibility of abuse. I don't know the details of your history, Syn, but it might be that the fear and dread of your own childhood leads you to obsess on this now, to the detriment of (as was noted above) your ability to focus on the positive.
If so, that would be a good thing to work on before it becomes time for you to actively pursue adoption, if you do. This sort of thing can take a long time to work through. It can be done, though, and the people who need to and do work through it, become very strong and wise and wonderful people.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Rebirth of Mothra, Rebirth of Mothra II, and Rebirth of Mothra III are all available free on demand from my cable company. It's a lot to take all at once, but they're fun flicks.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: Mostly I want to stop them without sinking to their level.
[and from page 2]
quote:... since I don't have children yet and I'm afraid of becoming punative when I have children.
*gently
This might be at the root of some of this.
I remember the first time I was angry at a child. I was astonished that I could be upset at a baby. An innocent baby! The force of that emotion -- so new and so completely unexpected -- really terrified me. It was years before I felt comfortable acknowledging I was capable of such anger, sometimes unreasonable anger, but that I also had enough skills and was smart and savvy enough to keep both me and the child I was angry with safe.
Also, sometimes people who were abused as children are also terrified of being abusers themselves, so they focus and dwell on the possibility of abuse. I don't know the details of your history, Syn, but it might be that the fear and dread of your own childhood leads you to obsess on this now, to the detriment of (as was noted above) your ability to focus on the positive.
If so, that would be a good thing to work on before it becomes time for you to actively pursue adoption, if you do. This sort of thing can take a long time to work through. It can be done, though, and the people who need to and do work through it, become very strong and wise and wonderful people.
I reckon this is true, but there's so many good things about kids that drown out all the bad stuff from the past.
still, I really don't want to turn into my mother or various other relatives and should just stick to reading Sears because he is cool.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:there's so many good things about kids that drown out all the bad stuff from the past.
This is a nice, popular sentiment that is completely untrue.
There are many good things about having children. But those good things don't necessarily heal emotional or psychological scars from the past. Children can make those wounds even deeper.
Like CT said, though, there are ways of dealing with those wounds. Having children isn't one of them. Kids aren't the cure.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Scott R: Like CT said, though, there are ways of dealing with those wounds. Having children isn't one of them. Kids aren't the cure.
quote:there's so many good things about kids that drown out all the bad stuff from the past.
This is a nice, popular sentiment that is completely untrue.
There are many good things about having children. But those good things don't necessarily heal emotional or psychological scars from the past. Children can make those wounds even deeper.
Like CT said, though, there are ways of dealing with those wounds. Having children isn't one of them. Kids aren't the cure.
But thats not really why I want to have kids or even what I meant by that statement...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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