Now take a deep breath, count your blessings, and please gain a little perspective.
Speaking about a lack of perspective, how about you take your competitive bad day and chill out yourself.
This isn't a competition...and you aren't even the only person who has been diagnosed with cancer.
You are just the only one using it in a one-up contest about bad days. A contest one one else even wants to participate in, either.
I hope you are OK, and it all works out, but I also hope no one treated you the way you just treated KQ there. It was rude and uncalled for, and she deserves better.
Just because something could have been worse doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I am sure she is glad things weren't worse, but still....that was a fairly poor way to express yourself, IMO.
As I said, I hope everything works out for you as well.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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But I've been through hell lately, and I'm a little pissed, and a little sensitive, and I DIDN'T go trolling the forums for sympathy. I dealt with it. But to see people being inconvenienced, and acting like it's the end of the world....yeah, I over-reacted.
And I didn't say her day didn't suck. And I wasn't trying to win any awards for having a few YEARS that sucked more than her FEW DAYS.
But, maybe now KQ can see that things really aren't/weren't all that bad, after all...
After all, I've still kept my wonderful, positive outlook after all my stuff....
But what do you mean, "I'm not the only person with cancer"? I'm not!?! I thought I was.
Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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That's why I said I hoped you were OK and all. I didn't want to kick you while you were feeling down, but it was a bit over the top.
Then again, it's not like I haven't gone there myself.
Keep in mind, there are some things about her situation that you may not be are of, and this was a little bit more than an inconvenience at first. 3 kds, multiple moves, 1 car....and other things I know from her posts that I am not comfortable talking about.
And she posted right after finding out her husband had been in a wreck.
I have had a few days like that....where it feels like your whole world is crashing around you. You are right....most of the time you tough it out, and while it may not all work out it does pass, and you move on.
I wish she didn't have to miss the Ikea sale, though. Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
If there were other things, personal things, then, by all means!
But as bad as I made my situation sound, it hasn't really depressed me. I read on the prostate cancer support forums about men with metasticized cancers, and worse. I read about men suffering the "side effects" (to be polite) of the various treatments that last for YEARS, and may never improve. They know that they are posting as a warning for others, but also to allow the rest of us to keep things in perspective.
I hate to say it, but sometimes i am comforted knowing that people have survived, and will survive, crap far worse that what I'm going through. It gives me hope.
And I remember, years ago, posting right after a 4'X8' sheet of plywood flew off the roof of the car in front of me, went 60 feet in the air, and missed my car by a matter of about a foot when it finally knifed its way back to the earth. But it wasn't a "horrible, terrible, really bad day." It was an anecdote; it was a story.
And maybe I'm jealous because the nearest IKEA store is about a 90 minute drive, and I miss it... Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Boothby171: Thanks, Kwea, for your support.
But I've been through hell lately, and I'm a little pissed, and a little sensitive, and I DIDN'T go trolling the forums for sympathy. I dealt with it.
Yeah, you did just go trolling for sympathy. Something that ketchupqueen did NOT do.
I'm sorry you've had tough times. But don't lash out at others because of it. ((Boothby171)) ((ketchupconsort and queen))
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
Suffering is relative. There will always be someone, somewhere, who is having a worse day than you. That doesn't make it unreasonable to want some sympathy now and then.
If you're strong enough that you don't ever need that sympathy, great! But it's pretty inappropriate to sneer at someone because their coping mechanisms are different than yours.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Clearly, KQ has everyone's support here, as she should; it's her thread.
My complaint was with her opening line:
quote:I am having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day
If you care, and it's fine that you don't, re-read my first "missive."
I didn't chastise her over her suffering, I even offered my sympathy. I didn't chide her over her wish for sympathy; I've been there myself. What I found grating, and what I commented on, was the DEGREE of language she used to describe her situation. And I provided examples.
True, it's not like she walked into my house and started railing that her world is coming to an end because she had a broken nail. I walked into HER house (figuratively speaking) and started knocking Lladros off the mantel.
Two weeks from now, I hope she realizes what *I* said--it was a rough spot in her life. I'm all for comforting people at any point in the emotional spectrum--KQ, included.
She was, as is her wont, being tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecatory humorous while venting about bad feelings. She let people know she was just venting pretty clearly: "Can someone please give me a hug? Please?" She wasn't looking for answers, and she wasn't looking to compare her situation to others, and she wasn't looking for much of anything more than commiseration and comfort. Good on her for asking for what she wanted clearly, and it's far from outside the scope of what is welcome here.
It isn't her fault that you missed the reference in the title. She is a young mother, and it is a very popular and relatively frequently referenced phrase in pop culture.
It also isn't anyone else's fault that you didn't create an ""I am having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day" thread" too, had you wanted or needed the commiseration and sympathy for yourself. If you wanted that, you needed to let us know, and if you didn't -- well, that has nothing to do with ketchupqueen or this thread.***
I'm sorry to learn of your difficulties over the last while. If you had mentioned, I missed it. Regardless, it must have been quite draining.
posted
Then I was out of line. It hit a nerve with me, and I over-reacted. My recent experience has been with people who start a thread like this:
"I'm having a rough time. My husband just learned that his cancer has metastasized to his bones, and he only has 6 to 8 months to live."
I've had cavities, my kids have had cavities, I've had car accidents, and I've missed some really, really good sales. But lately, I'm coming from a totally different perspective.
But now I feel like Roseanne Rosannadanna as regards the whole book title reference..."Never mind."
Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Thank you rivka, for pointing out what I was going to.
Boothby, I'm glad you apologized - you should have.
And let me just remind you that you have the option to not post in a thread if it grates you or upsets you. You have the option NOT to express sympathy and support if you think it's undeserved. As has been said before, you aren't the only one here who has had major surgery, major accidents, or cancer - and many of us that had those things have no problem supporting friends like kq whatever they're going through.
Has it occurred to you that when minor little things happen that seem to pile up - that's exactly when you NEED your friends? Because it's not the end of the world, it's not the worst thing to happen, and so you don't expect support or sympathy from the whole world - but you do hope you get some from your friends. I myself would much rather my friends open up to me about these things and tell me when they're having bad days and they feel like the universe is against them because there may be a day when I need to be uplifted and the favor can be returned.
kq was not trolling for sympathy, she was having a bad day and wanted a pick-me-up. She has been so supportive and understanding to so many of us she deserves that and we're happy to provide it. That's what friends do. If you cannot understand that level of friendship, then I am sorry for you.
And, I'm sorry for what you're going through as well, as a cancer survivor I certainly understand it.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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There is coincidental humor in the publisher's synopsis of the book at Amazon:
quote:Synopsis
On a day when everything goes wrong for him, Alexander is consoled by the thought that other people have bad days too.
SPOILERS ( )
* * * * * * * * The protagonist's day starts off wonky (gum in his hair) and just never gets better. It's a downward spiral of no dessert in the lunchbag, lima beans for dinner, and kissing shown on TV. Not really that awful, just profoundly irritating piled one on top of the other, and -- as made explicit in the book -- especially not so bad when compared to what it could have been.
* * * *
quote:Two weeks from now, I hope she realizes what *I* said--it was a rough spot in her life.
She did, explicitly, from the beginning. That's the self-deprecatory humorous part (the reference to the kids' book title).
-- *** *more gently
Boothby, it sounds like you may need to talk about your own life, given that it came up so quickly with this here. Why not start a new thread and get us all caught up?
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Belle: Has it occurred to you that when minor little things happen that seem to pile up - that's exactly when you NEED your friends? Because it's not the end of the world, it's not the worst thing to happen, and so you don't expect support or sympathy from the whole world - but you do hope you get some from your friends.
I've found other sites, much more appropriate to the things I've been going through, to vent and find sympathy. They're complicated and personal issues. The cancer alone (prostate cancer) has a lot of messy/personal issues involved that I do not really want to bring up here. Plus there are other things going on in my life that are far too personal.
Plus, let's be honest: I've been much more of a lurker than a contributor to Hatrack lately (heck--even on P-Web!). I hardly know anybody here any more. Which, of course, makes it all the worse when I come clomping through KQ's living room with excrement all over my boots.
But, perhaps, I could start a thread titled:
quote:Who here has read 'Atlas Shrugged,' or "What to do when the president of your company threatens to fire you, the day after Christmas, just because he's screwed up your medical coverage and you have the unmitigated gall to try and find a way to afford your cancer surgery that just so hapens to also reveal the fact that his HR guy, accounting people, benefits broker and CFO are all either incompetent or attempting to commit fraud in order to save the company thousands in medical coverage transition costs?"
But, Ketchup Queen, Now (unfortunately late in the game) I get it--the title reference, I mean. Sorry for making such a tempest in a teapot.
But, maybe becasue I'm a guy, I realized that it's not a "looking for sympathy" thread. It's a "looking for practical solutions to a complicated problem" thread. Just like a guy, eh?
Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Boothby171: I've found other sites, much more appropriate to the things I've been going through, to vent and find sympathy. They're complicated and personal issues.
*nods
I can see that.
This is hard and messy stuff -- and from what I can see, it may be that whether you want to talk about here it is a pretty complicated question, and it may be one that you haven't fully answered for yourself. I don't want you to take any lack of followup to be a lack of desire to support or lack of interest, so I am trying to be explicit. The messages read (to me) as mixed, and I'm not sure what to do with that. I expect others may be in the same situation. You have my sympathies given what you have mentioned, and I'll leave it at that, unless there is a more clear indication of what you want and need.
----
*grin
Edited to add:
quote:Originally posted by Boothby171: OK, CT, I made the thread:
But, maybe becasue I'm a guy, I realized that it's not a "looking for sympathy" thread. It's a "looking for practical solutions to a complicated problem" thread. Just like a guy, eh?
Well, okay then.
(Sometimes they aren't very different, you know.)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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I appreciate the support, but I'm not really looking for followup on those issues here. I go to other sites, other fora (forums?) where people understand those issues better, and are able to talk about them openly. Also, there is a different level of anonymity on those sites, which is far more conducive to the sort of discussions that I find beneficial.
I did, however, start a thread about PART of what I've been through lately...
Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Sometimes what looks like one may be the other, and vice versa. That's all. There are different types of sympathy and support, and different ways of asking for them. Sometimes it clearly looks like sympathy or support, sometimes it looks different, and sometimes it is different. No matter, really.
My preference is to give what I think to be useful facts and suggestions, rather than just listen. This drives a very important man in my life nuts -- although he is quite reserved with everyone else in the world (and I mean "everyone"), usually from me he wants something other than suggestions on how to fix things. I think there may be general trends in how such things look superficially, but I suspect it's more complicated under the surface.
posted
Wow, this turned into a "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" thread fast.
Boothby, no harm done. As others have pointed out, it is from a kids' book about a day of irritation on top of irritation, and one that is frequently quoted in my family/home. (Another common reference to it is, "I think I'm going to move to Australia.") Perhaps that would have been clearer if I had linked to the book in the first post but I was upset at the time.
As it turns out, Emma has not one, but multiple cavities. *sigh* We are currently trying to figure out how to get them treated, because the pediatric dentist at that office is ONLY there on Wednesdays, and my mom has her day off on Thursdays, every other week, and often has clinic on Wednesdays. My almost-step-mom MAY be able to take us if I get Emma a first-thing-in-the-morning appointment, but that will be rough on everyone-- Emma is decidedly not a morning person, like me, said almost-step-mom is notorious for being late all the time and not being able to follow directions to the bathroom without getting lost, and Bridey is not as comfortable with her as with my mom. Our other option is to try to find a pediatric dental specialist covered by her insurance who takes appointments on Saturday (when either my dad or mom could take us.) And her dental plan has been less than helpful with figuring this out. *sigh* And I hate to see her suffer (now that I know they're there I can see the more subtle signs-- her SPD means when she's in pain severe enough, she often just shuts off, doesn't register it at all, and we have no warning signs. That's what happened here-- when most kids would get a toothache, she said nothing until I was noticing a visible spot on her tooth.) But in the end, it will work out. For now, we're dealing with small annoyances.
As a treat for her behaving, btw, my mom took us over to the mall and we stayed there until Jeff got off work (really really late, again) and picked us up. I got to hit the Mervyn's sale (yay! And spent way too much) and Emma and Bridget got to visit the toy store and play and eat dinner at IKEA (where I DID find a few little clearance items) and then we went to the bookstore and each got a book. So it was a nice, if exhausting, afternoon. (Then we ran out of gas on the way home, but that's another adventure...)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I really appreciate your accepting my apology. I really "did a number" to your thread when I over-reacted.
Are these Emma's baby teeth, or her adult ones? Either way, I know what a hassle it can be to find a good doctor (or dentist), in-plan, near-by, matching schedules, etc. Best of luck!
posted
Baby teeth. But positioned in such a way that just pulling them would create deformities as her growth continues.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Can the cavities in baby teeth progress to the point where, if left in, they cause damage to the adult teeth? (My kids are 15 and 17; I no longer remember all that stuff!)
Posts: 1862 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Except she's not exhibiting pain. Mild discomfort when brushing, no real pain.
The scary thing to me is that they're bad enough that if we don't treat them soon, they may start to cause abcesses, which can be dangerous.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Boon
unregistered
posted
Glad you got her in. Here's hoping everything else continues to look better in the coming days.
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See, the one time I had cavities (after braces), I had pain loooong before I had visible rotten spots on my teeth. (Actually, it never got to that point-- I complained, they x-rayed and filled.) Emma just experiences pain very differently than I do. More like my brother. We all have the SPD, but it leads to different experiences for all of us.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Me, too. The dentist said he was very surprised she's not complaining of toothache, especially in the ones in her back molars.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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