I completely agree with Lyrhawn that sometimes two people just don't get along anymore. It is better for me, and my brother, that my parents are divorced. Although we have to deal with how our parents play this endless game against each other, it's a thousand times better for us, emotionally and physically, than watching them duking it out in the living room.
Posts: 1574 | Registered: May 2008
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I don't see anyone arguing that having your parents apart from each other isn't better than watching them beat up on each other, but maybe that those don't have to be the only two options. We don't tolerate someone hitting (or verbally abusing) a stranger in our society, and we expect better from mentally healthy individuals. If that behavior is the norm in a family, I would bring into question that mental health. I say that without judgment; I come from a very similar type of family.
Posts: 6366 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: Would it be impolite to tell you mom-boss you don't wish to talk about the topic of your dad-boss as both of them matter to you? Personally I'd just say I don't wish to gossip if I was going that route.
As an aside, I hope I'm not being too insensitive as I don't have enough information to make a strong judgement.
quote:In short, I spent my whole childhood with parents who really should have been divorced, but were living together bickering instead.
I'd say you were living with two parents who should have been effectively working through their issues rather than hoping arguing combined with time would see the issues through.
I don't subscribe to the idea that two people who have decided to get married cannot under any circumstance make it work and need to get divorced. I do believe there are circumstances where one or both spouses simply will not do what needs to be done and divorce is inevitable and even preferrable to a holding pattern.
I admit to not having read the whole thread - in fact having read it up to this post - but I feel I must answer your post Blackblade.
I am a child of divorce in a way similar to Hank. My parents divorced my junior year of High School - as some of you may remember. At the time I couldn't find the right words to describe it, I just knew I wasn't overly upset by the fact they were divorcing in and of itself. Reading Hank's words just now nailed my feelings toward my parent's own divorce.
They should never have been together in the first place. The fact that they made it through 30 years is a result of them both desperately trying to make it work. But there was no way it was going to work. They were completely different people who wanted different things from their lives, their living environments and their partners. Them staying together was only making them and their children - me and my brother - miserable. It wasn't doing overly much for their friends who got to hear about their issues either.
In a case like theirs, they should never have been married. But due to various pressures - not least of which were their grandparents - they got married. And then struggled to make it work, both of them unhappy with the other, for 30 years. In a case like that, divorce is the clear solution. It's correcting a mistake.
Marriage should be something that you should struggle to make last for your life, and that you should never, ever enter into lightly. But the pressures of our society and the failings of human beings means that people who shouldn't get married, do. And so there will be cases where divorce is the clear and obvious solution. The right solution. I believe my parent's case was one of these. And I understand it when Hank says his parents were the same way - or that his mom-boss and dad-boss are also the same way.
Posts: 3295 | Registered: Jun 2004
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Alcon: Further into the thread I clarify things somewhat, but you have me at a disadvantage. I can't possibly know what sorts of people your parents were, but you do. So I have to take your word for it that, "...there was no way it was going to work."
I stray very far away from that notion. I sympathize with your parents Alcon, I do, marriage can be a wonderful and absolutely terrible arrangement. But as I said before, I can completely trust your parents did everything they thought to do, and it still didn't work out. That to me does not mean they did "everything they could." or that there was no way in this universe they could have found a way to make it work.
In that same post I said that I believe divorce is require under certain circumstances. I'm not sure how your parents example lends itself to the idea that my views on the subject are flawed.