I’m close to completing the third draft of this story. It is a prose version from a number of ballads of the Gaelic mythos with a similar title. It is nominally set in medieval Scotland. The basic theme is the interaction of a mortal (Isobel) and one of the sluagh sidhe (the Elf Knight). This is a faery tale with a dark side.

All comments are welcome. If anyone would like to critique the full story, please send me an email offline (nwmage at aol dot com).

Thanks!

Rob

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The Elf Knight stood before the altar. Treuntas Cearcall the druids had named this place. Nine graves formed a star around the large, flat stone. Seven daughters had he slain -- two more were needed to call the warrior gods from their eternal slumber.

He could not go from the Greenwood side to fetch them. Always he must wait until they called on him. Frustration would eat at him and then he would howl at the heavens like an animal gone mad. Such passions would ebb quickly, replaced by a gnawing hunger for another noble-born scion.

Again, no hook...

If this were included on the back cover, which I always read for an idea of a book, I'd buy it. Not necessarily phrased as such, but with that information presented and the first 13, I'd want to read it.

From what I can tell of the original posted 13 and this new one, the Sidhe and the Mortal wind up either married or engaged, and the Sidhe needs to kill her to fulfill his duty to summon the warrior gods. Now, naturally, I could be way off the mark. But, knowing these two things, and what I said above, would get me to throw down $8 for it.

[edited in to avoid a double post]
I would recommend putting the relation between the two in the first 13, or shortly after it.

Also, I have no clue about what's going on due to all the Yoda-speak. Granted, Yoda did speak using what was technically an acceptable archaic grammar, but it's not easy to understand.

I *can* tell that you have a rich story idea here. But it's buried.