posted
Chalk this up to an overzealous critique. No one even reads those tags unless they truly are jarring (i.e. said-isms).
Posts: 1621 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I just read the crit (and your revised first 13) and then this post, and I think perhaps worth considering is that you twice use the "Fisk said." in as many of Fisk's lines of dialogue. It's perhaps only jarring in a repetitive way. We just saw Fisk saying, here he is saying again!
Now, some writers get around this by omitting dialogue tags, but that bugs the living daylights out of me unless you're very far in the middle of a dialogue exchange between two people and it's VERY clear who is who. I don't think it's a good idea to open a story w/omitted dialogue tags.
So...my suggestion in this case would be to add a "beat" - some type of action tag with the dialogue one. Another poster in this thread used an example of it.
"Up," said Fisk, his face inscrutable. (I'm reading an author right now who uses this word a lot. I find it kind of silly since it's not a word I think is used often, but hey - it's an idea!)
"Up," said Fisk as he pulled down on his jacket, making sure his numerous medals were parallel to the floor.
or something.
As a general rule, I don't think there's any problem with switching around the order as the dialogue and story flow require/permit, however I am a visual processor and I did notice the similarity (the dialogue lines in question were of similar lengths) of the two "Fisk said."s
posted
The trouble is, if I don't say, Fisk said on both occasions no one will know who is speaking, plus Fisk dissapears after the first page so I don't need to characterise him in any way. I'm happy with it the way it is.
Edited to change terrible spelling and say: I also wouldn't want to waste the thirteen lines with uneeded words, but there could probably be a way around the repetition if I looked into it.
[This message has been edited by darklight (edited July 04, 2007).]
posted
I decided long ago that I would write "Name said," rather than "said Name"---at the time I thought it looked better, and even now the latter still looks awkward and improper.
Even though the latter is the more common, I'm sticking with it. Besides, I recently read an alternate history novel that did it just as I did. (I wonder which writer was responsible for putting it that way, the SF writer or the politician?)
On the other hand, "said he" is outright and always wrong.
posted
I think there may be a slight language barrier here, although I don't know the nationality of any of the posters involved. I've noticed in British novels I've read in the last few years, they say "said Bernice" rather than "Bernice said" more often, while American writers use "Bernice said" (and I have no idea where "Bernice" came from - it's just an example). So perhaps your reviewer was British??
posted
A friend of mine was able to tell which Tarzan novels were by Burroughs and which by ghosts based on whether the dialog was credited with "Tarzan said" or "Said Tarzan".
In a conversation between two people, I usually use, "said Joe" at the end of Joe's speech. But when a third person joins in, I begin the sentence with "Joan said". I also use that form if Joan is going to be speaking for more than one paragraph.
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