Hatrack River
Home   |   About Orson Scott Card   |   News & Reviews   |   OSC Library   |   Forums   |   Contact   |   Links
Research Area   |   Writing Lessons   |   Writers Workshops   |   OSC at SVU   |   Calendar   |   Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Writers Workshop Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » "Witch" Prologue

   
Author Topic: "Witch" Prologue
screynolds
New Member
Member # 8388

 - posted      Profile for screynolds   Email screynolds         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just thought I'd post the prologue to my first attempt at a YA (realistic fiction/mystery/thriller/fantasy) novel here. Might make the first 13 of chapter one more meaningful. Hack away, gang - I love the comments and feedback that you have given to other firsts!

Prologue
Power and pain filled her. Power so sweet, so intense, MC didn’t know if she could bear it. And pain…pain of loss and grief. “Gramma Annie?” she whispered, afraid to open her eyes, afraid of what she would see revealed in her grandmother’s dying face, afraid of losing the power now filling her, afraid of not losing the power. “Gramma? Is it always like this?”
“Yes, Meg, hush now. All is as it should be. I love you. You have done well, so well…”
Her grandmother’s voice grew dim as MC lost herself in this new world of power and pain, sweetness and loss. As her consciousness faded away she knew with utter certainty that her life would never be the same.

[This message has been edited by screynolds (edited December 28, 2008).]


Posts: 6 | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
snapper
Member
Member # 7299

 - posted      Profile for snapper   Email snapper         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Let's take care of these zero reviews.

I don't have any complaints on your prose here. It's pretty clear what is happening. If I could find a complaint it would be this....

This looks like your entire prologue. If it is, why bother? You could do this as a flash back in a later chapter.


Posts: 3072 | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gan
Member
Member # 8405

 - posted      Profile for Gan   Email Gan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Good stuff, it was entertaining to read, which is obviously good. A few suggestions, if I may:

quote:
afraid of losing the power now filling her, afraid of not losing the power.

This line frustrates me quite a bit. I can understand there might be a reason she fears both losing it and keeping it, but until I know that reason, it just irks me.

As Snapper says, if this is the entirety of the prologue, I don't think it would be necessary, and perhaps better upon a flashback, or something of the sort. I wouldn't want to start off with something so short, and then afterwards, be thrust into the story.

All in all good work, though. Keep it up.


Posts: 260 | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
aspirit
Member
Member # 7974

 - posted      Profile for aspirit   Email aspirit         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I would read on, though I wonder why you call this a prologue. If it's not the first lines of the first chapter, then I agree with Snapper's and Gan's recommendations to move the scene into a flashback. Prologues don't have the best reputation.

Pick a good name for your MC. Names matter.


Posts: 1139 | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
aspirit
Member
Member # 7974

 - posted      Profile for aspirit   Email aspirit         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I saw on a re-read that MC = Meg. Meg's a good name, IMO.
Posts: 1139 | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yufae
Member
Member # 8346

 - posted      Profile for Yufae   Email Yufae         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Interesting! I would use something other than "utter certainty" though. It's one of those phrases that is almost a cliche ("almost a cliche" or "almost cliche"? Whichever one of those is right). Even just "certainty" would work. Or maybe I'm prejudiced against the word "utter." You might look for a second opinion.
Posts: 33 | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2