See the power I have? How can I NOT be a Horseman of the Apocalypse? Anyone we fight will just sprawl out on the ground in the throws of ecstasy.

It's what I do.

I admit some people I've lusted after have tried to fight back, but I don't mind.

Smite me Lust. Smite me hard.

Sarcasm, Spite, and Cynicism just try to cover me up -- but I am always there, hiding below the surface.

I am more powerful than Apathy.

Hello?? I practically invented Britney Spears.

I'm what Ignorance & Want will get when they grow up.

Greed is my puppet.

Gluttony and I work side-by-side. Me first, him after...

Procrastination is way cool. I have nothing to say about him. I'm usually what he uses as an excuse. "Sorry i'm late, i was busy..."

Flamer. What can I say about him? Where there's smoke....

Folly. He and I go *way* back...ever heard of illegitimate children?

Heresy. Evil. Fluff. All these guys -- got 'em wrapped around my finger. My beautiful, sensuous finger.

*smiles wickedly*

*but is still very sexy*

*VERY VERY*

Am I right, Anti-Chris?

If being "indigenous" to Hatrack ISN'T a requirement, why did you point out, quite snarkily:

quote:

---

Apparently, some applicants are having trouble understanding the requirements to be a Hatrack Horseman of the Apocalypse.

---

Hatrack. So you're saying a vice has to be born of Hatrack. Sarcasm and Cynicism were most certainly not.

*preens*

I'm just supposed to sit around and look pretty.

Or maybe Disdain.

No Lust means No Porn.
No Porn means No $ on the Internet.
No $ on the Internet means No AOL.

*pats it fondly*

I shall make a bid for one of the coveted spots. I trust I need not justify my qualifications.*

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Edited for legal "clarification".

Taxation sent an IRS agent to check into it. Before he applies the IRS wants to know if riding to the destruction of the world is deductible.

Conservative just denounced the whole Hatrack rider change. She prefers the original riders from the good old days.

Liberal will only join if you do an environmental impact study of what the new horsemen will be doing. Ending the world is fine, just don't destroy anything natural while your at it.

I heard from Wits agent. He's busy with a three picture deal but suggests sending Lavalamp in his place till he gets here.

I tried contacting Existentialism for you guys. He doesn't think a position exists.

[edited, because Edit-ted wants the job]

All hope for Hatrack is about to be lost when Troll's reign free, spreading me across the board. I have shown my face numerous times before, usually in your mail. Sometimes a couple of people have used me to wreak havoc but since they couldn't coordinate their attack with OTHER posters, they just got banned.

Lets face it. The last thing you want to see on your computer, or in Hatrack is Spam.

Hey Lust, baby, how about we get together after the auditions. We seem to be made for each other (see keyword "PerfectMatch").

Question for Sarcasm: If Lust and I join forces, can we be considered for the position as one, hideous, two-headed monster of a rider?

I tried to push them to expand the field to eight, but they weren't buying it. I mean, I had a doctor's note and everything - it wasn't like I could have interviewed with that, um, *cough, cough* cold...

And then, frustratingly enough, my wagon got a flat on the way to the temple. Wouldn't you know, the one time I really needed it.

So a Saturday deadline? I think I can handle that... but I'm going out of town on Thursday, and I hear there may be weather. I'll try to get it in Friday night before bed... Insomnia and I can work on stuff over AIM.

Um...

Fie! Can you not feel it burn your eyes and hair?

Do you not have eyes with which to see? Ears with which to hear? Noses with which to smell - - - argghhhhhhhhhhh - the smell - NOOOOOOO, stop - quick - the clothespin.

Oh - it is too much. How can I hope to triumph against such contenders as "fine print" - when has anyone EVER read the fine print to any deal they've made? How can frail and puny mortals pass up the seductive wiles of LUST?

*Much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth*

Fat ones
long ones
short ones
skinny ones

*phew*

That took a lot out of me, I don't know why.

There's only one way to make it All Better...

And the answer to that?